When i stand..

"There is a redeemer, Jesus, God's own Son, Precious Lamb of God, Messiah, Holy One.... Jesus my Redeemer, Name above all names, Precious Lamb of God, Messiah, oh for sinners slain.... Thank you oh my Father, for giving us your Son, and leaving your Spirit till the work on Earth is done.... When i stand in glory,  i will see His face, and there i'll praise my King forever, in that Holy Place."

I'm not sure who wrote this song, but i like it. I remember liking it particularly this time last year.... especially the last verse.

exceedingly

"..when they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy." - Matt 2.10

I love this verse so much. It makes me laugh every time i read it. It's talking about the wise men when they saw the star stop above the place where Jesus was born. What makes me smile is the way it's described... "they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy".... surely whenever you rejoice it's with 'joy' and if you rejoice 'exceedingly' then it's going to be with 'great' joy... it's like they state the same thing twice for emphasis. I think i just love the word exceedingly too! I wonder what the wise men did when they 'rejoiced exceedingly with great joy'? ... did they do a little jig or sing and leap around or shout out with loud exclamations?! When you think about it, the whole of what they had been waiting for throughout generations of people was being fulfilled at that moment... no wonder they rejoiced so fervently... it makes me happy just thinking about it.... 

The Northest Pole

"Take me to the northest pole, that there my spices all might flow. I know the north wind strips me bare, but still i ask you'd take me there. Release the fragrances within, may they be to you pleasing. And blow on me that all disease may freeze and die right here."

I was reading the above quote at the exact moment that my Dad called me on Sunday evening to show me the snow outside. He then proceeded to say how it would be good for the ground as it would kill all the bacteria. It is true. Every season is useful for it's own reasons. Trees may be fruitless and bare in Winter, but it's a vital season to sustain the overall life of the tree. So in a strange way i find myself saying... "blow on me that all disease may freeze and die right here."

The man who was healed

I met a man today who was healed of epilepsy 7 months ago. He had been on medication for 9 years, but was still having some seizures. He was then prayed for and was healed, so came off his medication and hasn't had a seizure since. It's a clear cut healing too, not just luck that he hasn't had a fit. He had a serious car crash 9 years ago, which caused brain damage and consequently epilepsy. When he was monitered, his brain waves were irregular, confirming the diagnosis. Anyway, when tested now it is clear that his brain has been healed and the waves are completely normal again. Very encouraging i think. Only God can work a miracle like that.

Poppies

In remembrance of all those who died that we might live.

Jesus Himself being the ultimate expression of this.

(picture by Alicia Bock, via Poppytalk.)

two

"Here dies another day
During which i have had eyes, ears, hands
And the great world round me;
And with tomorrow begins another.
Why am i allowed two?"

-G. K. Chesterton-

...

"I am making a way in the desert, and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43.19

A new song

"Sing a new song to the Lord" - Isaiah 42.10

"I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me." - Psalm 13:6

"I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens: your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens: let your glory be over all the earth." - Psalm 57:9-11

See the layers

I completely love this. The original photo was taken by Jake Dobkin from BlueJake. I've previously mentioned his work - he specialises in photographing street art in New York.

I wonder...

I wonder what was going through Mary's head as Jesus carried his cross and neared death? I wonder what the disciples would have thought, when it seemed like their hope of salvation was dying? Did they grasp that this was in fact the way to their salvation? Or did they mourn, thinking all was now lost? Did Jesus' enemies rejoice, thinking they'd won? I wonder if the madman thought he'd lose his sanity again? Or if the blind worried that they'd lose their sight, now that Jesus would be gone? Did anyone know that all was not as it seemed?

I wonder what Abraham thought as he led his son to his death? His only son, through which the promise of a great nation was meant to come. Did he doubt or wonder what on earth was going on? Did he fear he'd done wrong and the promise had been taken back? Or did he trust and know that God would still prove faithful?

I think i would have wept, thinking all was lost. I think i would have feared i'd done everything wrong and now what God had said would no longer come. I think i would worry, til my head was a complete wreck. I think i would forget all that God said.

"He who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10.23

Poppy Talk

I was looking today at a design blog called Poppy Talk. It showcases a lot of beautiful things done by other artists. The above pictures have no common link, except they are all things from her blog which i noted and like. The top image is by Olivia Jeffries and the flock of birds is by 'Small Stump'. The chest of drawers in the bottom picture is by Wis Design. I know it's very materialistic, but i just really like it (possibly because i'm trying to sort my room out at the moment and have realised how much easier it would be if i had lots of little drawers.)

It is strange how

"It is strange how oftentimes the air speaks.

We are sane as long as we hear voices when there are none.

We are insane when we hear nothing and worse we are deaf."

- Calvin Miller, from 'The Singer' -

B-SIDE (see reverse for more information)

"One leaves with a path in mind but journeys are always full of unforeseeable events... It would be hard to get to a place you don’t know without wandering a little, sometimes that wandering becomes the important thing, sometimes you get lost and make a completely unexpected discovery, sometimes nothing happens and sometimes that’s ok too."

By Andrea Acosta. Artwork entitled "B-SIDE (see reverse for more information)".

I really like these designs, done on the back of street signs. I came across them on Wooster Collective. I like the idea of them too and how she attempts to add a poetic edge to something so normal. She writes on her website:

"As artists I think we have the power to interrupt the everyday, the people, the flow of something, to make something else visible; a brief moment of understanding that perhaps turns into a story, a comment, a conversation, perhaps only you change but certainly at the end energy is moving."

I think we should all aim to live in such a way - not for the sake of art, but for the sake of something greater, something that needs to be made visible in the midst of the everyday.

Passion

I saw this flower growing on a vine at the end of our garden the other day. They are probably quite common but i've never seen one before and think it's completely amazing. It's not easy to tell from the photo but it has so much detail and from the side it looks like a little helicopter or something! Some of the flowers that have died now have orange fruit growing from the centre. Anyway, being the geek that i am, i looked it up and found out that it's a passion flower and the fruit is obviously passion fruit.

Apparently it's actually called a passion flower because it was discovered by Spanish Christian missionaries and it reminded them of the 'passion of Christ' on the cross. All the different parts of the flower are supposed to symbolise different aspects of Jesus dying on the cross, for example the nails and the wounds and the crown of thorns. It sounds like a slightly Catholic thing to do to me. Anyway, apparently traditionally the leaves can also be used to make tea which is meant to heal things such as epilepsy! I don't think i will actually risk making tea out of it in the hope that it will heal me, i read somewhere else that doing that can be very dangerous! I don't want to get overly caught up in the symbolism either and i'm not going to be all mystical about the leaves!! However, i did find that on reading of it's origin and the apparent healing properties of it's leaves i was directed back to Jesus and remembered the verse in the bible which talks about the tree of life and how "the leaves are for the healing of the nations" Rev 22.2. I'm not going to put my hope in a flower, however beautiful it is, but i am going to put my hope in Jesus and do believe that there is healing in him, through his death and resurrection - healing from sin, healing from sickness, healing from all things. Somehow the fact that the same flower that represents Jesus' death also has leaves which are meant to heal epilepsy, simply gave some vigour back to my faith and hope that it is Jesus who will heal me and other people - whether we see that healing today, tomorrow, or when He comes again.

"On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations." - Rev 22.2

full of message

Hannah sent me this post card from Japan. It is in fact called a "post cord" on the back! On the front it says " i have a lot of words to you. but i dared not tell you these words. I'm gonna send it to your heart. everything is fine!" That sounds like a very typically Japanese message! Anyway, i love the picture. It is by Kaori Wakamatsu. Hannah is very good at picking up nice flyers and postcards. It would seem that she is actually my primary supplier!

I potentially made my first friend up here today. At least hopefully we'll be friends. I haven't really spoken to many people under 50 since i've been here (except shop keepers)... i haven't been here long though and i don't mind speaking to people in their 50's and 60's at all, in fact i like it, but it was just quite refreshing to chat to someone younger as well.

There is a lot i could write, but i won't at the minute - it is beautifully sunny and i feel the need to be outside instead.

everlasting

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." -Deuteronomy 33:27-

...so here i am, and life has changed - a new town, a peaceful place; yet still the eternal God is my refuge, my real home... there are some things that never change.

And when i fall, then still underneath are everlasting arms to catch me. Underneath everything, underneath all, are the same everlasting arms - wherever i am.

(Picture - Hokusai, Cardellino e ciliegio piangente, 1834)

*One Hundred *

This is my one hundreth post and also my last post from the South of England.

I should be packing but am taking a tiny break to quickly write this. It's amazing the things that you come across when you sort your house out for packing. We seem to have ridiculous things stored in our loft, i've no idea why! Anyway, amongst some old children's books i found this little story, which i happen to rather like. It goes as follows:

'Guess what, God? I know what Hallelujah means. It means, "Praise the Lord!"

And when i praise you, God, I tell you how wonderful you are.

Do you like it when people say nice things about you? I think you must. Because i like it when people say nice things about me. Like yesterday, when i brought my picture of a sun and a tree and a kangaroo home to my Mum. She hung it on the refrigerator door and said, "That's a beautiful painting!" She praised me.

And i can praise you too, God. Just look at all the things you made. The whole world is full of them.... big animals and little animals. Animals for the land and fish for the sea. So many i can't even count them all.

You must really be clever! You can do so many things! You make the rain fall and the sun shine, so that the plants grow and we have food to eat.

I can praise you, too, God - just for being you. For sticking by me, and never changing. For filling the whold world with your love that never ever stops.

But how can i show you how i feel, God? By talking to you as i am now? By singing? By shouting? By clapping? Can i praise you by making music for you to hear? Like clang! Twee-eet! BOOM! Jingle, jangle, clap! Does that say "i love you, God"?

When i think about you, God, i get so happy. It's like a beautiful bubble inside me blowing bigger and BIGGER until it just wants to burst. I feel like yelling, "Come on, you whole big world! Tell God how wonderful he is!"

- by Elspeth Campbell -

There is so much to thank God for...... and as i leave Worthing i thank Him for my life here and all He's been to me..... i've been so well looked after and cared for and am so grateful for that. Recently i've been really blessed by people at church too and appreciate it greatly and am thankful for it. I read Psalm 100 earlier and seeing as this is my hundreth post i want to quote it:

Psalm 100:

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

It is true - God is good and His love and faithfulness endures forever. If i had time i would attempt to make this all sound less cringe worthy, but i don't, and maybe that's a good thing; what does it matter what it sounds like, if it's true.

the walls of brighton

I spent the day in Brighton with some friends yesterday. We had a comical photo shoot against this graffiti back-drop and Hannah nicely captured this photo of Aaron as he chatted to his friend in the wall! I like it a lot!

"Art is not to be found by touring to Egypt, China or Peru; if you cannot find it at your own door you will never find it." - Emerson

In His Time

I was getting the bus back from town earlier and i couldn't help but laugh at the fact that everyone else on it was old. They had beautifully aged faces and trendy Granny clothes, but they were old nonetheless and distinctly tired. I watched a lady stumble on and sit down with a sigh of relief. I think i had done the same. It seemed like i had grown old before my time as i sat there with them. But i somehow felt peaceful there and smiled the whole way back. I was thinking about how i wasn't really sitting there before my time at all, even though it seemed like it... i wasn't sitting with the old when i should be running with the young, but i was simply sitting with the old because in that moment it was right for me to be sitting there. Just before i went out i read Jeni's blog, on which she had quoted Psalm 31.15: "My times are in His hands", and i was thinking how true it is - My times are in God's hands, my life is in God's hands. My body may occassionally feel slightly older than it's age. I may sit down on nearly every bench as i pass it or list washing my hair as one of the main activities of my day! But i'm not really living like the aged before my time. Right now, this is my time, because it is His time for me.

"My times are in His hands" - Psalm 31.15

The Hmong People

"We Miao do not have writing. For thousands of years we have been like the blind, it has been very bitter. Everybody knows that there is nothing worse in the world than to be blind, however shimmering is the sun in the sky, however shining is the moon in the sky, however clear are the rivers and mountains on the earth, however beautiful are the flowers in the wilderness, the blind cannot see them anyway." - Wang Mingji, a Miao pastor

I have had a link for the Joshua Project on my page for a while. The Joshua project identifies the people groups of the world that have little or no exposure to the Gospel. It provides the information to encourage pioneer church-planting movements among every ethnic people group. Each day a different people group is automatically displayed on their website, for prayer. Today it was the Qanu people of China. The Qanu are part of the Hmong/Miao people group. I have had a bit of a heart for the Hmong tribes in Laos for a few years now and so was interested to read the full profile for the Qanu people. The quote i included above is an extract from that profile. I hadn't realised before that the Hmong don't actually have writing at all. On reflection it's pretty obvious and makes sense - i know their culture has a long standing oral tradition. I found the above quote quite moving though. Not only does it cause consideration of what it is to be literally blind (though that's not it's primary purpose), but it portrays the value of writing even more. It would be very difficult to translate the Bible into a language which doesn't have a written form as well. It could appear quite a bold claim to compare the lack of a written script with blindness, but when you consider the worth of reading something like the Bible then it is easily akin to blindness. It reminds me of a quote i read a long time ago, by John Piper:

"I love the Bible the way i love my eyes - not because my eyes are lovely, but because without them i can't see what's lovely. Without the Bible i could not see "the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ." Without the Bible i could not know "the unsearchable riches of Christ." Without the Bible i would not know that I am a great sinner and that Christ is a great Saviour. I love the Bible because it gives me the wisdom that leads to salvation, and shows me that this salvation is nothing less than seeing and savoring the glory of Christ forever, and then provides for me inexhaustible ways of seeing and knowing and enjoying Christ. "

N.B. I'm aware that it is a bit of a generalisation for Wang Mingji to say that 'there is nothing worse in the world than to be blind' - i'm sure that there are many people who are blind and still quite happy. I'm also aware that God is much bigger than writing and can still meet with people who don't have access to a written bible.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face." - 1 Corinthians 13:12

I used to have 20/20 vision, but my eyesight's been getting pretty bad recently... a lot of what i look at is blurred or it's quite a strain to read things.. i think it's just another drug side-effect, so i don't really mind, it probably won't last - in fact it's not even that bad today. It's better than when i was on my first drug anyway; for a period i had double vision. I remember finding it quite amusing when i sat at church and could distinctly see two of Colin as he was preaching! ha ha. Anyway, it got me thinking about what it must be like to be properly blind. My Dad's new job is with an organisation who print books for people who are blind and i may do a bit of work there myself when i can. It must be so strange. We were talking the other day about seeing God when we go to heaven and how amazing it will be.... i guess it will be even more incredible if you are able to simply 'see' for the first time. My Dad reckons that 'seeing' will be completely different in heaven and that we won't just have eyes like those we do now, but that we will see through our spirit and our senses and in ways we've never 'seen' before. I guess in a way we see God like that now - through the eyes of our heart and mind - as we can't physically see him yet, but what we see now is still just a dim reflection, whereas then it'll be face to face. bring on that day.

On a completely different note my orchid has got 4 new flowers on it, and another 7 buds. A few months ago my mother declared that i had killed it. Admittedly it did look slightly dead, but i refused to believe her and knew that it's barren period would pass and it would come to life again. Anyway, although it is very rare for me to be right, i am happy to say that this time i was and my orchid lives on.....

the petal and the wind

So... in my attempt to avoid mundane tasks i've just been sitting here watching a daisy in the garden getting blown around by the wind. I was struck with such amazement at it's ability to withstand the forces of the air that i felt the need to share it with the world. This tiny fragile daisy is capable of being blown to and fro by the wind without being destroyed... in fact it doesn't even lose one little petal in the process, but remains fully intact. Incredible considering the delicate nature of it's frame. Granted it will one day wither and die, but no storm will take it before that time. Pretty intelligent creator i say.

Open mouths

This photo is entitled 'Afrique du Sud 1981' and is by Chris Perkins. I just saw it and it reminds me of a postcard i have on my wall, which i got in Thailand and love. It also reminds me of a very similar image i had in my head this morning... one of people i knew who were so thirsty they were desperately reaching out for every drop that came from the sky... in fact, i think it was raining honey! I don't know why i was thinking/day-dreaming about that this morning, but there we go!

The Straight Story

I was thinking again about the film 'The Straight Story', by David Lynch, from which the title of my blog comes. It's based on a true story, about a guy named Alvin Straight. He drove an old lawnmower 240 miles across Iowa, in order to visit his brother who had suffered a stroke. He was elderly and ill himself, which is why he was unable to drive a car and had to use a lawnmower. He hadn't spoken to his brother for years and wanted to seek forgiveness and make ammends.

The film shows his 6 week journey across rural America and how he is eventually re-united with his brother. It is one of the most simple, yet powerful films i have seen and portrays the beauty of love and forgiveness, especially when it's expressed in unusual ways. This is tenderness which is as abstract as insanity, as David Lynch himself said. Considering the fact that my blog title uses this quote, i thought the film was finally worth a mention.

..burst..

"But i will sing of your strength;

I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.

For you have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of my distress.

O my Strength, I will sing praises to you,

for you, O God, are my fortress,

the God who shows me steadfast love."

- Psalm 59.16-17 -

I just read this and thought to myself how true it is and how it makes me want to sing. I also just remembered a short period i spent in hospital in Sheffield, when i was in a little room by myself wired up to a machine for a few days. I remember thinking to myself at the time that it was completely incredible that Jesus was there with me, in that little room. I remember knowing more distinctly than ever that He was there and all was okay. I had been very confused so was grateful for that peace. It's not like i always so tangibly feel that awareness, maybe it was because people were praying for me, i don't know. Sometimes i feel 'distress' instead. But what i do know is, that whatever i tangibly feel, i am so happy that i do have God looking after me and that He is my refuge. Why am i writing this? I don't know, except that i suddenly feel that awareness again and feel i could burst with thankfulness right now, and so guess i am letting it out here.

Fudge

Yesterday was the first day of SUmMeR. Or so i believe..
..and today the sun is SHINING. That makes me smile.
It's gone 4pm and i hAven't gOt dresSed yet, or haD lunCh yet. Some may say that's LAzY, but never mind.

when i went downstairs earlier i was greeted by a beautiful bunch of flowers ..

that also made me smile,
and right now the birds are twittering outside and i feel like HUmmING a little tune alongside them.
.....today is the ONLY friday 22nd june 2007 that will EVER exist. It sounds like the birds know it. What an honour to be alive for it.

thanks goes to GoD for that.

The above picture is from a JaPaneSe magazine called 'FUDGE'.

My beautiful sister Hannah gave me it when i was particularly unwell a little while ago. I don't understand the Japanese, but the viSuAl side of it fascinates me for hours.....

Silver and Gold

Seeing as i've got into the habit of quoting songs and the like, i shall include a snippet of another today. I heard it a couple of days ago, when i wasn't feeling that great, but it suddenly reminded me again how God brings beauty from all things. Anyway, it goes as follows:

"When the rain falls and it some days will,
Then the pavement under my feet
Sparkles silver and gold, in reflected light
That i otherwise wouldn't have seen.....

..So Jesus don't You keep me from that storm
I want to walk that sacred ground
For You are master of it all
And i am just a lost and found...."

-Robin Mark-

Considering the fact that on Sunday night i would have done anything to get the 'storm' to go, i'm suprised and glad that i am able to say and mean the lines of that song again today. I don't even have a real storm to worry about anyway. I apologise for my negative mood in my prior post. In fact God has been so faithful and merciful to me that He deserves to be praised continually.

Today i feel...

Today i felt a little like this......Quite incredible really - It would appear that the lady is asleep inside the shop window. Is she trying to copy me i wonder?!! Today i felt and acted a little like her, and a little like this: I also feel a little like this man looks: But the sun is still shining down on him, i'm happy to see that. Maybe soon i'll be feeling like this again:

Photos by Lara Wechsler

Thistles?

These are by Angie Lewin, who is a printmaker i came across. I like the top design the most. The second one is of teasels, but i originally thought it was of thistles and it reminded me of when Hannah was very little and used to say 'Why did God put thistles in my garden?!'

I've just remembered that Rachelle gave me a beautiful piece of artwork on Sunday, that she had painted herself. When my camera is working, i will put a picture of it on here. I was very touched to receive it.

34.18

The Lord is near to the broken hearted. - Psalm 34.18

The Hermit

"There is something about all this that i do not understand; but if ever we need to know it, you may be sure that we shall."

- The Hermit in 'The Horse and His Boy' by C.S.Lewis

Patience

Here is another image by Mandy Sutcliffe who i made reference to once before. This one is entitled 'Patience'.

Not me

"The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." - Elizabeth Elliot

The watchmaker's suitcase

"Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." - from 'The Hiding Place' by Corrie Ten Boom

Just two pictures

by Stina Persson

Moose

Here's some nice simple 'reverse graffiti' by a guy from Leeds called Paul "moose" Curtis. He does 'clean tagging' by cleaning grime off city walls and streets and therefore producing a reverse graffiti image. I saw some pictures once by an artist who drew amazing images on the back of filthy cars. I can't remember his name or find an example of his work, but it was good!

Note for a child

"I am the question and you are the answer

I am the lyric with words, who, like dancers,

Need you, the melody, to give life to my song

I am a boat in the sea all alone

You are the North Star, guiding me home

I'm the explorer and you are the treasure I seek

And how can I dare to believe

I wake from this dream to see

Impossibly beautiful, you walk beside me

And all that I see in you

I just want to be with you

Impossibly beautiful, but beautifully true

I am a Japanese house made of paper

You, like a hurricane, lay me to waste

Here in my brokenness, everything changes but you"

- Lyrics from a song by 'Note for a Child' -

Stop

Someone showed me this piece of graffiti displayed on Wooster Collective. It's on the streets of Bloomington, Indiana. I just think it's clever.

Wake Up

I am finally emerging from my week of sleep! Admittedly it was still 4pm by the time i was up and dressed today, but at least i have a little energy. As i was trying to get up I remembered the line of a song i like. It goes:

"Awake my soul and celebrate, the wonders of His grace"

I kept saying it to myself in the hope that it may have some effect, and i actually think it has had! How about that. In fact, relatively speaking, i am much more awake now and feel quite inclined to burst into song. ha ha. The lyric was from a song by Eoghan Heaslip. I can't find the words for it, but it was a re-write from a classic old hymn by Charles Wesley. It goes:

"Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer's praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!

My gracious Master and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honours of Thy name.

Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
'Tis music in the sinner's ears,
'Tis life, and health, and peace.

He breaks the power of cancelled sin,
He sets the pris'ner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean,
His blood availed for me.

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Saviour come;
And leap, ye lame, for joy!"

Good lyrics i think.

promise...

"He who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10.23

.....may wait a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century, a thousand years.... but He who promised is faithful. That's enough to sustain a tired heart.

Smile

Picture by Mandy Sutcliffe; an illustrator who is inspired by children and sells her work in a shop named 'millymollymandy'! This picture is entitled 'smile' and quite simply, i like it.

broken waves

"The small forerunner, swept by the wind out of the ocean's heart, falling back, shattered into that heart without having apparently achieved much. But the tide is the ocean heart itself, moving irresistibly to victory, yet needing the broken waves, every one of them, to achieve it's aim.... All that matters is that we let ourselves go to the driving force behind, to be sent just as fast and as far as God wills and then to fall back content as the wave that has spent itself, into that ocean of love from whence we came, waiting there to see the hour of God's high tide."

-Lilias Trotter-

Light

"The glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is it's lamp.."
Rev 21.23

"... nought of beauty is left when light is gone. Without light no radiance flashes from the sapphire, no peaceful ray proceedeth from the pearl; and thus all the beauty of the saints above comes from Jesus. If He withdrew, they must die: if His glory were veiled, their glory must expire." - Spurgeon

"... in the presence of light, a kaleidoscope forms coloured glass fragments into endlessly varying and startlingly beautiful patterns, each one unique.." - ICC

A complete genius

My posts often greatly divert from my original theme: tenderness which is found in unusual places.

I was, however, thinking again today about how my seizures are in fact an example of that; kindness demonstrated in the most abstract way! I don't often write about my epilepsy, but i do often think how completely amazing it is that God still pours out such goodness in the midst of my fits - so much so that the fit is almost nullified and made irrelevant. It is overwhelmingly astonishing sometimes. Even if i physically still fit, i think God still always conquers; by reigning in tenderness and grace and kindness and mercy instead. It is a mystery to me - I do nothing to merit it, that really is the truth. I just convulse and shout and lay there unable to help myself - i am simply weak and a big disruption, but still God always helps me. There is a verse in the bible which says about how the way to overcome evil is with good. Although i haven't been healed, i feel like i have been shown such goodness from God, through other people, that He has still overcome. I know there will be a day when i am fully healed, even if that's not until i die, but until then i know God has His plans and His ways of still always reigning. It is incredible. He is a complete genius.

A gun and a pipe

I love people and life. This photo is of a coal miner's child entering his house with a gun in one hand and a pipe in the other! He is climbing through what could be a cat hole, wearing work overalls. The walls of his house are covered in newspaper - now there's an idea for cheap and inventive wallpaper! It was take by Marion Post Wolcott in 1938 and i saw it on a website called Shorpy - it's a blog of photos from about 100 years ago. Quite interesting.

It's a shame that there is no more information about this child than what the photo shows - is that gun just a toy?! does he grow up thinking guns are good?! Although the surroundings suggest they are far from a wealthy family, that doesn't indicate what kind of a life he actually lived..... is he having more fun than a rich kid? although he climbs through a hole to get into his house he could still know real love.... but who can tell, he could be desperately sad and lonely instead. It's all a mystery.

tenderness

"He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart." - Isaiah 40.11

I take my hat off...

I take my hat off to all housewives. Quite seriously.

I mean i always knew there was a lot of work involved in looking after a house and a husband and kids, but since i've spent more time at home these last few years i've grown to appreciate even more all that mothers and wives do. It genuinely is a full-time job, and much more than that! - I don't think i need bother going back to university if i'm ever going to get married and have kids... how would i fit in a job as well? I don't think i would. I don't know how so many parents manage it. I salute them all. In fact, right now i salute anyone who is a wife or a husband, or a mother or a father, or gives their time for others, or does, well, anything really...

I hereby commend them all.

The face inside the coffee beans

In this image there is a man's face. Can you see it?

I came across this picture on my friend Gavin's blog and thought it was worth a mention. Being the slow person that i am, it took me about 10 minutes to see the face - in fact it frustrated me so much i concluded that it was all a joke and there was no face to be seen at all... but then after a little clue from Matt (who found it much quicker than i), i saw it and felt a fool for not having seen it sooner!

As is a habit of mine, the picture prompted a train of thought. It made me think how easy it can be to think something doesn't exist or isn't true just because you can't see it immediately, or because you don't take the time or have the patience to really look for it. But even then you may never see it, unless your eyes are opened by someone else. Hmm. Yes. What lessons you can learn from coffee beans.

I like this card

Hannah's birthday card to me (chosen by myself). Also found at www.beaumonde-cards.com

dishonour > glory

"It is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory"

-1 Corinthians 15.42-44

beyond

'O joy that seekest me through pain

I cannot close my heart to Thee:

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.'

- Photo and quote from my Parent's birthday card to me -

A white mug

A few days ago i spent the evening with Debs and we attempted to do some mug painting. I say 'attempted' because we did not altogether succeed. Or i should say 'I' did not succeed. Debbie painted a beautiful mug, but the challenge was too much for me. The mug painting set was designed for 4-8 year olds. I am 24 years old. I could come up with the following argument: It was not designed for my age group, so how could i succeed? It's like asking a 4 year old to decorate a house... he's only 4, how can he do that?.... Except i know this argument is flawed. The harsh truth is i failed to do something that even a 4 year old can do. I sat there for 2 hours, and i'm not exaggerating, and looked at my mug. But i couldn't paint anything. I am too much of a perfectionist and was afraid i'd get it wrong, even though it's just a mug!

The reason this is distressing is because i claim to be creative. Clearly i'm not. I also greatly admire children and think the whole world should look at things through the eyes of a child. Yet i was reminded i am far from being like a child anymore. I don't have that same freedom to just paint without caring. I know that i am an 'adult', and it would be foolish to try and be like a child, but still!.......

I could also argue that there is nothing wrong with a plain white mug! It's got that simplistic look to it which i quite like. In fact according to Japanese principles which Hannah taught me about, i think it is even a little Wabisabi... maybe i should be the one who moves to Japan, then i can take my mug with me and it wouldn't be a problem. I know that these arguements are not really valid either and i just need to face the fact that i couldn't paint my mug!

My sister sent me the 'thumb test' this morning. Apparently if you clasp your hands together, then according to which thumb goes over the other, you can tell which side of your brain is most dominant and hence whether you are more of a verbal or a visual person. According to this test, i am more verbal and logical and language-based. Well, there we go.... something else which has shattered my illusion that i am a visual person. The mug incident would seem to prove this test right. I am perplexed. However, it is very evident that i am not a verbal person either. Anyone who has heard me talk will know that. I have the worst ability in the world to express myself with words, which is why i normally use pictures on my blog.

I think i will continue to use pictures though, simply because i've bored myself with all these words....

Just as it says

"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul." - Psalm 23

Everyday life in Tokyo

Hannah sent me a link to this amusing photo of everyday life in Tokyo. I felt the need to put it on my blog simply because it made me laugh. I fear that it is becoming apparent though that my dear sister is in fact the source of several of my pictures and quotes.

The Rose of Sharon

'I am the rose of Sharon' - Song of Songs 2:1

"Whatever there may be of beauty in the material world, Jesus Christ possesses all that in the spiritual world in a tenfold degree. Amongst flowers the rose is deemed the sweetest, but Jesus is infinitely more beautiful in the garden of the soul then the rose can be in the gardens of earth. He takes the first place as the fairest among ten thousand. He is the sun, and all others are the stars: the heavens and the day are dark in comparison with Him, for the King in His beauty transcends all." - C.H.Spurgeon

Bluebells and other things

"Suddenly the field awash with bluebells, like somebody had emptied the sky." - anon


I went to the bluebell woods yesterday with my family. I'm not too sure what Matt is doing is this picture, although it would appear that he is picking flowers?!! I'm sure he's really just getting rid of some cobwebs or bugs though, of which there were many. I seem to be making reference to nature and flowers loads these days... it's interesting the discoveries you make about yourself when you write a blog..... my frequent, re-occurring themes appear to be: art/illustration/photography, birds, flowers, children, old people, words, silence, prison, heaven and God...... it makes me wonder are these the things i think about most right now?... if so, then i really hope it's in the reverse order to the one i just listed!?

Cecilia

The above illustrations are done by Cecilia Carlstedt, as are the following two which were done as commissioned pieces for the Australian Chamber Orchestra. I like these designs, although some of her other work is a little dark or sexual. That is expected though as it is very hard to come across any illustrator who doesn't have some work which is a little dark - after all that is the kind of world we live in. I wish it didn't have to be so though.

Bluejake

I was introduced to a photographer named Jake Dobkin. He takes a lot of photos of urban landscapes, representing life as it is. I really like the photos of his that i have seen. This photo particularly fascinates me. It's hard to see the details when it's on such a small scale; it looks more interesting when it's bigger!

Simple things

"The flowers in silence seem to breathe,
Such thoughts as language cannot tell."
- Mrs L.Burke -

Over the last few years a love of simple things has grown in me. Quite surprising really considering my head used to be full of complex and confused streams of thought. Anyone who has known me for more than 3 years would understand this. These days it has become much more quiet and simple. I think i have become more simple. Or at least i desire to be more simple. Right now, life itself feels really quite simple. But simple in a way that is captivating. Simple in a way that is as vast and deep as the ocean. The kind of simplicity that can fascinate you for hours. A simplicity that goes beyond reason and goes beyond words... yet is still simple. I love the simplicity that is seen in the faces of children or the elderly. The simplicity that is found in birds and flowers. I may sound like a gypsy or a hippy. I don't care. It may sound like i am making contradictions too. How can the face of an old person be simple? It contains the depth and wisdom of their years... but i think that with that age can come a simplicity too... a simplicity that can't really be described, but simply is. I'm not denying the complexity and pain in life... i feel that too.... i just think that there is a simplicity that can surpass even that......

....... The simplicity that is in Christ. I can make things so complex, when really it is so simple. This is the simplicity that brings peace and rest. The simplicity that sees things as they are and asks no questions, but just trusts and obeys God. The simplicity of a child. I desire this. Other people spend years trying to become more intellectual.... i would rather spend my years becoming more simple.

".... the simplicity that is in Christ." - 2 Corinthians 11.3

4am

"On solid rock i stand.... waiting for the sun to rise, with morning in it's hand... My soul awakes to melodies, the early birds are singing... their happy song; the voice of hope, that night has nearly gone."

- Picture by Cecilia Carlstedt -

Marbles

Today i played marbles with debs, on the drain in my back-garden. I'd forgotten how fun marbles are... sadly i couldn't quite remember exactly how to play... how can i forget this already? i'm only 24 ....

Anyway, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the little ants were running around like crazy, my dog just sat there watching us, the bluebells, dandilions, forget-me-nots and daisies made me smile, and there were even some woodlice to watch! We drunk tea, discussed life and prayed together. I liked my day. I like my garden. I like spending time with debs very much.

The end.

Silence # 2

"The Lord said 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.' Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face....." 1 Kings 19.11-13

Silhouettes

This image is taken from a line of hand-knotted rugs called Reuber-Henning. They are designed by a painter who uses an illustrative style inspired by 19th-century German cutouts and Japanese woodblock prints. I like this design which is part of a series featuring silhouettes of children playing.

What a nice star

There is the most amazing star in the sky tonight. I looked at it through my Dad's little binoculars and it looks like broken up crystals all glistening brightly. Very nice indeed. Well done God i say.

We Wait.

- from my dear sister -

For harm or for good.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." - Genesis 50.20

I seriously love this verse. It's what Joseph says to his brothers after they had sold him into slavery and he ended up in prison for years. Even through a course of events that appear to have been governed by mans evil, Joseph can still say 'God intended it for good.' I remember hearing a talk by Simon Walker on this a few years ago. He said how this was an example of how God is always sovereign and sometimes the way God gets His people where He wants them to be is through bad circumstances. For some reason i never forgot this talk and thought about it for ages at the time. There is a similar example in Acts - the disciples were persecuted and therefore had to spread out to different regions - but because of this it enabled the gospel to be spread to different regions too. I just think it's amazing that God is so in charge of things, that He actually lets these bad things happen, cos that is the very way He intends to bring about good. It also makes me feel reassured that God will use whatever means are necessary, good or bad, to get His people where He wants them to be, for His greater good. Man can never outbeat Him. He is always ultimately in charge. Phew.

Copyright

I discovered this piece of street art by 'Copyright' (C.R. Thomas). I think it's really good and is the kinda design work that i particularly like.

The mattress

This morning at church i was very aware of the fact that i can't sing in tune! I was thinking about how amazing it is that it doesn't actually matter to God whether or not my singing is in tune or not, cos it's our hearts that matter. I was thinking how glad i am that God may still delight in my singing, even if it's awfully out of tune and actually very ugly and horrible to everyone else! It got me thinking again about how topsy turvey things are in the kingdom of God. How we can do things that may appear very ugly to other people, things which have no worldly beauty, but are infact beautiful to God.

The clearest example is Jesus dying on the cross. If you were there at the time you would never have called it beautiful. If you had of thought it was beautiful then you would have probably been slightly disturbed in the head! How can it be beautiful to watch the Son of God being scoffed at and mocked and having thorns stuck on His head, to see Him whipped and beaten and hung on a cross, to watch Him breathing in agony as His body gave way, and to see the nails tearing through His hands and feet. That is not naturally beautiful. That is horrific. But somehow now it has become beautiful, because of all that has come from it. It is beautiful because He did it for us, to rescue us and save us. It is beautiful because He went on to rise again and conquer death and sin. It is beautiful because He was a King, yet was prepared to walk humbly as a man, just for the joy of seeing those He saved.

I was thinking again how we often have to do things, or live in ways, that appear unsightly or ugly to others, but are actually beautiful and pleasing to God. It's all upside down. When i wrote previously about how easy it is to ignore beauty... i was talking about this kind of real beauty too, not just shallow, pretentious beauty.

I was thinking too about how much i like to see life and joy and love and beauty in places where you don't normally see it. For example, the picture i have included (by Martha Cooper) shows a kid on a run-down estate doing somersaults on a dirty old broken mattress. He seems to be having fun just there, amongst all the rubbish.

"A sound of gentle stillness stirred and said, "My child, be comforted, Dear is the offering of melody, But dearer far - love's lowliest ministry." - Amy Carmichael

Don't be surprised then.

You pray for rain? Don't be surprised then when dark clouds start looming over head.

You pray for fire? Don't be surprised then when things around you are consumed and you wonder if you'll be consumed too. Don't forget what fire can really do.

You pray to see God's glory? Don't be surprised then when you can't stand in His presence or utter a word before Him.

You pray God would keep you humble? Don't be surprised then when you're more aware than ever of your nothingness and can only trust in Him.

You pray God would let you live through His strength alone? Don't be surprised then when you become so weak.

You pray for truth? Don't be surprised then when you see how much of you and the world is false.

You pray God would teach you about healing, discernment and compassion, so you can get alongside the sick? Don't be surprised then when you yourself become ill.

You pray..... Don't be surprised then that God actually hears.

Ignoring Beauty

I just read an interesting article on John Piper's website. It discussed how an amazing musician sat busking in the streets as an experiment to see if beauty could be recognized through the mundane malaise of day-to-day life. He was playing a $3.5 million instrument to a very high standard and he was virtually ignored. The article was demonstrating how easily people ignore beauty surrounding them and draws a comparison between this musician and God. Although it is not immoral to ignore the beauty created by this musician, the article was saying how it is immoral to ignore the beauty created by God. Anyway, it was an interesting article and made a valid point i think. I was going to quote it all on here, but decided it was too long.

Words # 2

Contray to the post i wrote a while back, this one is in favour of words. I'm not sure why i feel the need to discuss such an obvious subject, but for some reason i do.

Previously i pointed out all the problems with words... which i still think are valid problems... but i was also thinking today about the amazing benefits and beauty of having a language system comprised of words.

Without words i couldn't write this post. Without words there would be so much that couldn't be expressed. I was thinking how frustrating it must be for people with speech and language problems. How there can be so much beauty and depth and even pain trapped inside a body which can't let it out. When i was first ill i had a lot of problems with my speech... i physically couldn't speak for whole periods of time... or when i did it was just stuttered, jolted words. Even now, before i have a seizure, i have speech arrest. I have no way of even explaining to some-one that i can't speak because i'm about to have a seizure. This is quite frustrating and very strange. I remember in hospital i had to simply write things down for a while, because my seizures and drugs had disturbed my speaking ability so much. Anyway, i was considering how i found it very frustrating then and how it gave me a much deeper level of understanding and compassion for people who have speech or language problems. It made me see the value of speech and communication even more. Without words, we would all be trapped in this state of being unable to communicate certain things. Words have a great value. This is evident in people who have had strokes too, who lose certian language skills and are unable to remember certain words. It is a truely sad thing to see some-one go through that. There is no doubt about that.

Without words, life would be very, very, different. Without words i couldn't read the bible. Infact, the bible wouldn't even exist. That would be tragic. There is so much great truth that is communicated through these words. So much beauty and life in these words. I was thinking about this more because of the fact that my Dad is going to work at an organisation who print bibles and christian literature for the blind. I had never really bothered thinking about what it would be like to have no easy access to a bible, in a country which is full of bibles, just because you can't see. The work they do at this organisation is invaluable. I can't imagine what it would be like to be unable to read books or a bible whenever i wanted. Obviously, because of braille, it is possible for blind people to do that now... but still there is such small access to such literature... and in other countries there is none. A braille bible takes up a whole massive shelf, you can't even carry it round easily. I take my bible and books for granted. Without words and language i couldn't read all the books i read, i couldn't learn all the things i can learn. I couldn't read or hear the word of God.

I know words and language are limited, but the fact that we have the ability to have any language is amazing. The fact that we can use words even in a limited form is remarkable. I shouldn't have complained about words so much before. Today i feel like saying that i love words and language, despite the difficulties they do produce.

Maija Louekari

I came across this illustration by a Finnish designer called Maija Louekari. The design is mainly used as a fabric print. Anyway, I quite like it, so thought i'd post it here.

Being a Kid

Inspired my Nicola's recent post i feel the need to reminisce myself. I did actually write a little list a while back, when i couldn't sleep, about some of the joys of being a child. I mainly focused on the benefits of growing up as a Christian though and the things i could remember that influenced my faith... the list goes as follows:

* Learning great kid's songs, such as "Are you greedy, grumpy, noisy, nosey, messy, lazy... are you always causing trouble, driving grown-ups crazy.... Jesus changes Mr Men and Little Misses too... He can take away your sin and give new life to you.. wooooo!" ...... it has to be sung really fast for the full effect.

* It was always good to know that Jesus was with you when you went upstairs and it was all dark and scary... Hannah and me used to always reassure each other and say "Don't worry, Jesus is with you!"

* Being able to pray every night - i always prayed that there would be no burglars or kidnappers or fires, that no-one would get very ill, that the police wouldn't have to come and that there would be no big puppets that came to scare me......And after praying i could always sleep peacefully and it was always answered, ha ha!

* Whenever we didn't have any money we would always pray and God would provide it. Sometimes we had to pray just to get enough money for food or for bills and it would arrive at the last minute. Once we prayed for money when it was my Dad's birthday cos we had no money to buy him a present.... and then we found £10 in the garden bush and we could buy him a jumper. From then on i have never worried about money cos i learnt that God always provides... and he has been faithful to that.

*Hannah and me made used to make lovely Sunday School tapes for Matei, which was always such fun - we sung him songs (i can't sing) and read him stories!

*Children's bible stories with funny pictures in were always a pleasure to read....

*I loved my baptism when i was 7.... i remember it very clearly.... the swimming pool was full of flies and woodlice!.. The leader of my church, Richard, came round before and explained things to me and i cried and cried... He told me how his brother once had to take the blame for something naughty he had done at school and he had to stand on a bench and was laughed at by everyone... he said that was a little like Jesus taking the blame for us!!... Richard always gave people time, i appreciated that even as a child.

*A girl called Sian gave me a cool badge after i was baptised, which said "Jesus saves" on it. ha ha. Sounds cheesy now, but as a 7 year old i loved it.

* We once had to watch a crystal ball video at school,when i was 7, but i refused to and turned my back and read my bible instead... ha ha.... everyone thought i was mad.

* I got great stickers... with all sorts of bible verses and cheesy christian sayings on them... i still have them... i loved them as a kid.

* There was a sweet old lady, called Elsie, at Grace Church (which is now Jubilee) - she used to give all the children sweets every week. I loved her. Not just cos of the sweets, but simply because she treated the kids with respect and love and care.

*I remember how i once threw a waterbomb through the window of my house when 'The Lads' from church were visiting... i thought they'd be angry, but instead they went and bought a new window-pane and replaced it for us.... good example of mercy.

*We had a great tape called 'God of Grace' that we used to listen to in the car all the time... Matei and me used to sing along to it... they were good days.... i learnt good truth from that tape... and i now listen to it every day when i wash-up, ha ha... amazing how i haven't grown tired of it!!

*I remember i prayed once that God would do my home-work for me while i was at church... i was about 10... and i genuinely believed he would do it... i was well excited thinking about what his hand-writing would look like!!... and opened my note-book with great anticipation!... But He didn't answer that prayer!!...... it taught me something about prayer though and how God is in charge!... a good job really considering Hannah once prayed she would become Banana Man!!

*The biggest thing that influenced my faith was my parents humility and faith in God, the way they trusted Him in the most difficult times, the way they were completely unreligious... even the fact that we didn't always go to church but just went for walks sometimes, their testimonies, the way they were open with us about everything, and the way they looked after us...... fine examples of followers of Jesus.

I could go on and on and on, but this is already ridiculously long and of no interest to anyone bar myself...... it's amazing the tiny things you remember from being a child though and the power they have to affect your whole life....

N.B.... the picture i included is from when i was a wee child, you can tell where my enthusiasm for art came from, ha ha, what a good drawer i was... ahem!