Monday, August 31, 2009

When "even if" becomes reality..

I have concluded that only truth can really honour God. I never used to write about my epilepsy explicitly on this blog, but recently i have testified to how God healed me - so for that reason alone, i feel it's only right for me to include an update on the situation. I must admit, that i am reluctant to.... but for honesty's sake, i will..... and i believe that God is big enough to uphold His own honour.

When i was first coming off my medication and trusting God that i was healed, i said that even if i still had seizures, then i believed it was right for me to come off my drugs and put my full trust in God. I still think that. Infact, i think i actually said that "even if it cost me my life" i was convinced it was the right thing for me to do and i had to walk in obedience to that. I still feel that way. 

On Saturday, i did have 2 very very small seizures - so small that they could barely be classed as seizures. However, it was under extreme circumstances - such as a ridiculous amount of sleep-deprivation and an exhausting day. I don't think it means that i'm not healed - it's not that i'm living in denial to the fact that i had some, but simply that i truly don't feel like they were that big a deal - it seemed like more of a backlash, that isn't a representation of what the future will hold.

I could use the cliche analogy about the ending of the 2nd World War. VE day was on May 8th 1945 - when Germany offically surrendered, but it took a little time for the effect to fully filter to every part of the World, and for all troops to surrender. It wasn't til August 15th 1945 that Japan surrendered, effectively bringing the War to a complete end. My point is simply that even when a war is won for certain, not everyone is willing to admit defeat initially and so sometimes it can seem to carry on for a small amount of time afterwards, until the fulness of the victory is really seen. Anyway, it feels a little like that's the case with my seizures.

Or, as my dear brother said "wars are made up of many battles. Just cos you lost one little battle, doesn't mean we've lost the war!" 

It is still a miracle that i went for 5 months without any seizures. It is an absolute miracle that i only had 2 tiny seizures on Saturday, and didn't go into status - given the circumstances. And God is still a God who heals and who will uphold His honour and name. Even if, for some bizarre reason, i did carry on having seizures, He is still good and faithful and loving and worthy of praise. And one day we truly will see every promise fulfilled. 

"I am making all things news." - Rev 21.5


Anette Acker said...

You're in my prayers!

Becky said...

Thanks Anette. I appreciate both your comments and your prayers - especially as you only really know me through what you're read on here - it's encouraging that you respond and i am grateful.... I will continue praying for your daughter also....