Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Old men, lost thoughts & being present....

I met such a sweet old man today and chatted to him for ages - it was very refreshing. He confirmed what i already suspected; that there are a lot of lonely old people living in the bungalows around me. His wife died recently and he was telling me how he trys to go fishing in the canal as much as possible because he finds it too lonely being in his house all on his own. By the end of the conversation i even decided to ask him if i could take his portrait one day - i didn't have my camera with me, but he was very keen and told me i can come round anytime. He did have a great face and i would love to capture it, but to be honest i'm more glad just to have a reason to go round and chat to him again. For ages i've been wanting to get to know the old people round here more... i can't help but feel heavy hearted when i walk past their bungalows and see them sitting all alone through the window... but it's hard to find a way to get to know them. Anyway, i'm looking forward to seeing him again, although i am a little concerned by his overly enthusiastic reaction to the discovery that despite looking 13, i was actually 26 years old, and single... apparently he has a grandson just the right age who he wants to set me up with... ha ha! I just laughed. 

I also had a very enjoyable hour taking photos today..... i didn't actually get any shots that i like, but i don't mind that, because what i discovered was that in that hour i seemed to exist in a way that i rarely exist... it's hard to explain, but it's like i was free from my mind and just at peace, lost in appreciation of the beauty of what God's created. It's like i was stripped of thoughts and simply 'was'.... and i can't explain how refreshing that was. My mind can, at times, be my worst enemy, so to slip away from it for a short time was great. I guess i must have had some thoughts, but what i mean is, i was present in that moment not absent, i wasn't dwelling on the past or the future or some complicated stream of thought, i wasn't fighting unwanted thoughts. I need to learn to be present more. To give myself fully to the task that i am doing at any given time, to give myself fully to others. I know that taking photos isn't serving or loving anyone else, so perhaps this isn't a good example, but i guess what i'm saying is, as much as i value the gift of thought, i would rather live out my life on earth in real situations, not just in my mind. I would rather spontaneously live out of my heart and the life that God gives, than analysing and worrying about every situation. 

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