Monday, February 15, 2010

This day.

This day, 5 years ago, was possibly one of the strangest days of my life. I have another blog, that i started to write about 3 years ago. I only wrote a few posts, explaining the period prior to my epilepsy and the onset of my seizures. It was a private blog, purely for my own benefit, so that i had an accurate memory of things in the future. In the side panel i wrote: "This is my story of insanity's face: the account of my seizures; for honesty's sake." Anyway, i just re-read the post that correlates to this day, in 2005. Honestly, i don't even know how that day alone didn't turn me insane. What i do know though, is that whilst i don't mind that those few weeks existed and accept it was part of God's plan for me, they have affected the person i now am massively. And i'm not certain that i want that to be the case. I don't want to be afraid to step out or hope for big things, and i don't want to be held back, just cos i keep remembering how confusing those weeks were. However, aside from this, i do want to declare today that God has been so incredibly faithful and patient and good to me these last 5 years. And despite my confusion and my doubt and my weaknesses, He has been merciful to me time and time again. I praise Him for this. And i praise Him for these 5 years, because it has both shown me the extent of my weakness and need for Him, and taught me so much more about His tenderness and mercy and faithful care.

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