Not that it would solve anything...

Sometimes i wonder, what if i knew them better? What if i gave them more time? What if i actually knew them, like i really should know them? But i don't. And i don't even know why i don't. And i wish i did. I badly wish i did. But then, would it make any difference if i did? Would they even want to know? Instead, i just know all about them, but spend little time actually with them. Instead, i cry about strangers and go out of my way to give them my time, whilst those who are my own flesh and blood live the same lives as the strangers who fill my thoughts and mind. Why do i go talk to a stranger, and i don't go and talk to them? Why do i care so much, that it physically hurts? But i do nothing to show it. Nothing at all. Why do i publicly laugh and turn it into a joke, like my family are some kind of comedy show? When really i want to cry or shout or punch a wall? Not that punching a wall would solve anything. Or writing this post will achieve anything. Or that caring so much means anything, if i don't actually show them my love. I don't understand this World anymore. I don't understand myself at all. In fact, i don't understand a single thing. I am tired. I should just go to sleep, not be writing strange posts, that tomorrow i'll delete.