Ladakh

Photo by documentary photographer Jane Stockdale. Simply because i like it.

A fragile Hope

I love this papercut, by stealinghearts.

My hope feels a little fragile this week... a little crushed even.... i actually openly cried for half my train journey yesterday, cos i was feeling a little disappointed and was simply over-tired. But i still believe the following is true:

"I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed." - Isaiah 49.23

More than grains of sand...

Photos by Mary Robinson

"If i would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and i am still with you." - Psalm 139

Wing mirrors

Forgive me for the feeble analogy, but I was thinking a while back about wing mirrors. And i decided maybe life is a bit like driving a car. It's good to look in the wing mirror and be aware of what's behind you, but if you focussed only on the mirror, and not what's ahead and around you, then you'll almost certainly crash. I guess it works both ways and there has to be the right balance; of focussing on what's in front of you, whilst baring in mind what's behind you.... but to focus only on one, and completely ignore the other would be foolish. It's good to remember where you've come from, and remember what God has done for you. It's good to be aware of your weaknesses and what has shaped you, but it's equally good to remember what's ahead of you and what God promises. I think Scripture tells you to both remember and forget. It's a strange balance.....

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, i will remember your wonders of old." - Psalm 77.11

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, i am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.... to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom i formed for myself that they may declare my praise." - Isaiah 43:18-21

Deserts, Mirages and Living Water

I love how a single glimpse of God is truly enough to satisfy a thirsty heart. How it’s enough to restore hope to a hopeless heart and to impart joy to a joyless heart. Especially when there is very little in that heart that can conjure up it’s own joy or hope. Infact, that’s what makes it even more precious, because then you know it truly is a timely gift from God. Like if you're in a desert, weary with dehydration and all the water you seem to see turns out to be a mirage, so you start to wonder if you'll collapse before you find any real water. But then suddenly, when you least expect it, you stumble across a genuine pool of water, that quenches your thirst enough to keep you going, and restores your hope enough to remind you that not every pool of water will be a mirage. Anyway, i guess my day has felt a little like this. I was surprised by the depth of joy i felt today and i was truly grateful for it. 

I'm so glad that one day we will see God face to face and be eternally satisifed and never thirst again. But i’m happy that right now, in our present situations, in our dirty barren world, God still imparts hope and still refreshes hearts and still satisfies us.... whether that's in abundant measures, or whether it's just enough to keep us going til the next pool of water and stop us from fainting on the way....  either way, He doesn't leave the thirsty as they are, but promises to satisfy them. And He who promised is faithful.

Walking Trees

"And some people brought to Him a blind man and begged Him to touch him. And He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when He had spit on his eyes and laid His hands on him, He asked Him, 'Do you see anything?' And he looked up and said, 'I see men, but they look like trees, walking.' Then Jesus laid His hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." - Mark 8.22-25

I was just talking to someone and they reminded me of this passage. I like the fact that Jesus doesn't work by formulas as such, but there are so many different examples of the ways in which God heals. With this blind man He chose to spit on his eyes, with other blind men He simply speaks and then they see. And sometimes it happens instantly, and sometimes it takes two touches, or a bit more time. But whatever the case, it is still God who does it and deserves praise. I think the reason i particularly like this example is because in some ways it seems closer to the way that we often experience healing ourselves. What i mean is, Jesus touched this man, and something significant happened, He could see again, but rather than seeing men as they were, he saw trees walking. Something had undeniably happened, and his eyes had been opened, but he was yet to see the complete fulness of it. But Jesus didn't leave him with half-restored sight either. He touched him again, and this time his sight was fully restored and he saw everything. I don't know why he couldn't see everything after the first time. I don't know why Jesus had to touch him twice. But i'm actually glad that there is such an example in the Bible, because in reality, sometimes we seem to see a certain level of healing in our own lives, but it takes a bit of time to see the absolute fulness of it. This example demonstrates that the healing we have seen so far is real... and is the result of a touch from God... and it also gives us hope that God will complete what He has begun. The end result was the same - complete restoration, whatever the method God used to get there and however much time or however many touches it took.

 

Jars of clay

"We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." - 2 Cor 4.7

He is able

"I know whom i have believed, and am convinced that He is able. Able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. - Able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. - Able to help those who are being tempted. - Able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them. - Able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy. - Able to guard what i have entrusted to Him for that day. - Who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body. - 'Do you believe that I am able to do this?'... 'Yes, Lord.'.... 'According to your faith will it be done to you.'"

Taken from Daily Light, collection of scripture passages: 2 Tim 1:12. Eph 3.20. 2. Cor 9.8. Heb 2.18; 7.25. Jude 24. 2 Tim 1.12. Phil 3.21. Matt 9.28-29.

Keep me. Won't you?

"Why do you let us walk upon a cliff so steep? When deep below the sea there lies a bed of gold. And if this should be our battle place. Don't let me fall. Don't let us fall. Keep me. Won't you? Keep me. 

I love to hold the hand of One who healed the blind. And saw the leper run into the arms of love. And King or cripple, they were the same to you. You take a broken man and you treat him like a King. Keep me. Won't you? Keep me."

- Martin Smith -

Not that it would solve anything...

Sometimes i wonder, what if i knew them better? What if i gave them more time? What if i actually knew them, like i really should know them? But i don't. And i don't even know why i don't. And i wish i did. I badly wish i did. But then, would it make any difference if i did? Would they even want to know? Instead, i just know all about them, but spend little time actually with them. Instead, i cry about strangers and go out of my way to give them my time, whilst those who are my own flesh and blood live the same lives as the strangers who fill my thoughts and mind. Why do i go talk to a stranger, and i don't go and talk to them? Why do i care so much, that it physically hurts? But i do nothing to show it. Nothing at all. Why do i publicly laugh and turn it into a joke, like my family are some kind of comedy show? When really i want to cry or shout or punch a wall? Not that punching a wall would solve anything. Or writing this post will achieve anything. Or that caring so much means anything, if i don't actually show them my love. I don't understand this World anymore. I don't understand myself at all. In fact, i don't understand a single thing. I am tired. I should just go to sleep, not be writing strange posts, that tomorrow i'll delete.

Uplifted Eyes

"Jesus came and touched them, saying "Rise and have no fear." And when they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only." - Matt 17:7-8

Stencil art by Stinkfish. Photo by SHX.

Shadows and Wings

"Two kinds of shadows. When we are in the shadow worry (Psalm 23:4), we need the shadow of wings (Psalm 36.7)" - John Piper

This day.

This day, 5 years ago, was possibly one of the strangest days of my life. I have another blog, that i started to write about 3 years ago. I only wrote a few posts, explaining the period prior to my epilepsy and the onset of my seizures. It was a private blog, purely for my own benefit, so that i had an accurate memory of things in the future. In the side panel i wrote: "This is my story of insanity's face: the account of my seizures; for honesty's sake." Anyway, i just re-read the post that correlates to this day, in 2005. Honestly, i don't even know how that day alone didn't turn me insane. What i do know though, is that whilst i don't mind that those few weeks existed and accept it was part of God's plan for me, they have affected the person i now am massively. And i'm not certain that i want that to be the case. I don't want to be afraid to step out or hope for big things, and i don't want to be held back, just cos i keep remembering how confusing those weeks were. However, aside from this, i do want to declare today that God has been so incredibly faithful and patient and good to me these last 5 years. And despite my confusion and my doubt and my weaknesses, He has been merciful to me time and time again. I praise Him for this. And i praise Him for these 5 years, because it has both shown me the extent of my weakness and need for Him, and taught me so much more about His tenderness and mercy and faithful care.

 

We are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live.

"He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live." - 2 Cor 13.4

I was thinking about this verse this morning. At the point when Jesus died, in human terms, He was utterly weak. He was completely powerless. He was mocked, beaten, whipped, stripped naked, hung to a cross with nails through His hands and feet. His whole being must have been in agony. The level of humiliation must have been extreme. He had to stand there labelled as a sinner and a fraud, when He was in fact God. He was doing the most beautiful thing ever and it wasn't recognised by those around Him; yet He still endured, silently and patiently. His body was brought to the pinnacle of weakness, the point where weakness is so great that death occurs. And i imagine that mentally it must have been complete agony too. His own words bare testimony to this; it says in Mark 15:34 that "Jesus cried with a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?' which means, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' "

He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by God's power. It is truly amazing, that Jesus still lives. And is clearly nothing to do with human strength. He was rendered completely powerless, led like a lamb to the slaughter, saying nothing in His own defence, He was crucified, His Father turned His face away...... YET HE NOW LIVES. I know i have a tendancy to write similar posts about how amazing it is that things that are dead can come alive in God, but the reason for this is because it truly is an incredible miracle that never ceases to restore my hope and astound me. Jesus died. Then was raised back to life. 

The reason i was thinking about this today was because i like the fact that after mentioning that Jesus died in weakness and lives by God's power, it then goes on to clarify our situation and says that we too are weak, yet by God's power we will live. I honestly think this gives such hope to every situation, because once again it proclaims the truth that weak things, or dead things, can be transformed, not because of anything in them, but simply because of God's power. Maybe i love this so much, because i know how utterly weak i am, how utterly powerless i am, and i sometimes wonder if change is ever possible, if situations are beyond hope. When i think of who i am, then change isn't possible. But when i think of who God is, then i remember again that change is always possible. And for this i am incredibly thankful.

We stand by grace alone

I know too many people who look at men like them. And say they need to change their ways, just get on with life again. They say it like they're so much more, like they look down on them; they say it like they think they're pure and other men far worse than them. I sometimes wonder, are they blind? Can they not see their own sin? Do they not know we're all the same. Saved by grace alone. And maybe yes, some men sin more. And maybe yes, some carry much more pain. And maybe yes, some are so lost it hurts to look at what they've become. But who are you to judge their lives? Who are you to write them off? Who are you to just presume they should know how to get it right? Please, don't simply judge. Please, don't write them off. Please, don't presume you know all that's gone on. Please, could you just love them as they are and offer them your time, your ear, your heart, your care. And maybe then, somehow you'll love them back to life again. And maybe then, somehow they'll see in you our Saviour's face and understand the depth of His grace.  And maybe then, their sin will fade, if mercy, love, truth and faith are offered in it's place. And maybe too, you will be changed, and find in them something more than you first saw. And maybe you will realise just how alike we all are. And even if no change is seen, at least we will have loved like Him. And even if we can not help, at least we will have shared our lives and come with truth and not pretense. And even if hurts so bad, at least we will have made a place where there is room for God and for His grace. 

He is my rock

"I've got one eye open, the other's dreaming of You, could i be broken, do i look crazy to you? Cos i'm on my own now, sometimes it seems that way, then i remember the promises You made, My eyes are black, my heart's been broken in two, i've been sliding back, 'til i caught a glimpse of You. You're my all-forgiving, living every day, with a heart that's willing, to take my pain away. And when i think of You, it's the least i could do, to lay down my everything at the feet of You, You can have the whole of me, i'll be Yours, if you like? Laying down my yesterdays, now i've got You in my sight. Got You in my sight. Knew i needed something, but what it was i don't know, You've given me everything, just goes to show. You're my all-forgiving, living every day, with a heart that's willing, to take me all the way.

I know this life could be, everything to me, but i've seen something in Him. I've had a glimpse of all that is, is to come. Can't help but think, oh my God, how little i've done, to let your Kingdom come. He is my rock, He is my rock, He lifts me up, when i fall down. He is my rock in my time of trouble. He is my rock, He is my rock, and even though i may walk through the valley of the shadow of death He is my rock. And every day, i see the lost for who you paid the mighty cost, and i should crawl over broken glass for all my life if it would help them realise you saved their life. He is my rock, He is my rock, He lifts me up when i fall down. He is my rock in my time of trouble. And even though i may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He is my rock."

- Song lyrics by The Pedestrians -

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"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted 

and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34.18

"The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;

the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;

it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing...

They shall see the glory of the Lord,

the majesty of our God....

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,

and the ears of the deaf unstopped,

then shall the lame man leap like a dear,

and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.

For waters break forth in the wilderness,

and streams in the desert;

the burning sand shall become a pool,

and the thirsty ground springs of water...

And the ransomed of the Lord shall return

and come to Zion with singing;

everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;

they shall obtain gladness and joy,

and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."

- Isaiah 35:1,2,5,7,10 -

How precious is the flow..

I've been listening to the song i quoted in my last post on repeat recently. Last night i must have played it about 30 times as i was trying to fall asleep, and i've probably played it 20 times today. I was thinking about the line which says "How precious is the flow"... and i realised how completely appropriate the word 'precious' is.... i mean, the blood of Jesus is unbelievably precious; it's precious simply because it's the blood of the living God, the creator of the Universe, the One who is the very essence of life itself, the One who is more precious than any other one, but it's also precious because it's the blood that God sees and counts as enough to deal with our sin. What i mean is, it's precious because it's Jesus' blood and Jesus is infinitely precious. But it's also precious to me because of what it means for my life. I know i'm stating the obvious here. I don't really care. I'd rather speak of what i count as precious, even if it sounds obvious or cringe-worthy. 

Also, i love how something like blood can make someone white. I mean, blood normally stains, but Jesus' blood does the opposite. Red turns us white. I also love the fact that every single person on Earth is basically in the same position and can come to God with no plea, other than the blood of Jesus. The worst sinner and the most moral, kind soul, stand alike with nothing to cling to except for Jesus. There's no place for pride, or self-exaltation, or comparison, Jesus alone is our confidence. There'd be no hope for me if it wasn't for this. I therefore count His blood as mightily precious. I count Him as mightily precious.

This is all my hope and peace

1. "What can wash away my sin?
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   What can make me whole again?
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
2. 
   
3. Oh! precious is the flow
4. That makes me white as snow;
5. No other fount I know,
6. Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
7. For my pardon, this I see,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   For my cleansing this my plea,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
8. Nothing can for sin atone,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   Naught of good that I have done,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
9. This is all my hope and peace,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   This is all my righteousness,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
10. Now by this I’ll overcome—
    Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
    Now by this I’ll reach my home—
    Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
11. Glory! Glory! This I sing—
    Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
    All my praise for this I bring—
    Nothing but the blood of Jesus."
12. - by Robert Lowry -
13. I just listened to a modern rendition of this song, with the above, original lyrics, i like them.

If words were symphonies..

If words were symphonies and thoughts high melodies, i wonder now, how mine would look? Where on the stave would each phrase lie? What accents would adorn their heads? Would harmonies dance round each word? Or would they fall like metal rods, that clang or bang in harsh, bland ways?  Would they uplift the listener's ear? Or haunt like ghostly, melancholic tones? Would they have power to ease pain? Or would they open up old wounds and make them hurt again? Would they enrich the heart or leave black stains? Can a melody be sweet with cheerful notes, then turn dark, then sweet again; all in one bar? What if the lips produce a mix? Such symphonies would make no sense and leave the listener confused over the message. But what if the composer carefully penned a loving tune, wrought from the heart expressing grace, but somewhere in the orchestra a man disobeyed? So inbetween the gentle tunes came dark exploding notes? What if the conductor commanded him to stop, showed him the correct piece to play, but however hard he tried the man continued to interrupt the melody? Surely those few grave notes would destroy the whole symphony? No matter how beautiful, no matter how enchanting, no matter how heart-felt the rest of the piece, those few intruding sounds would ruin it all. What should one do though, if those intruding notes cannot be controlled? 

Mr Fisherman, you were once just a boy.

I met this fisherman on the seafront the other day. I thought i'd ask to take his portrait and i had a real nice chat with him. I felt too self-concious to take proper shots - but i wish i'd taken some better ones, with all the fish he had. I took this one through an old window and then felt very aware that i didn't know what i was doing or how to use my camera, so stopped! Ah well. Maybe i'll go and find him again on another day. He had a great face though and such a gentle character, and the way he was concerned about his appearance made me laugh. He said "there isn't any fish-blood on me is there?!"... i told him there wasn't, but have since noticed some on his jacket. It's strange to think that once he was just a little boy. Maybe he knew nothing about fishing or how to be a fisher-man, but with time he learnt.

Anyway, the reason i am including his picture, is simply because it links to something i just read by Spurgeon. It goes as follows:

"And Jesus saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."—Matthew 4:19.

When Christ calls us by his grace we ought not only to remember what we are, but we ought also to think of what he can make us. It is, "Follow me, and I will make you." We should repent of what we have been, but rejoice in what we may be. It is not "Follow me, because of what you are already." It is not "Follow me, because you may make something of yourselves;" but, "Follow me, because of what I will make you." Verily, I might say of each one of us as soon as we are converted, "It doth not yet appear what we shall be." It did not seem a likely thing that lowly fishermen would develop into apostles; that men so handy with the net would be quite as much at home in preaching sermons and in instructing converts. One would have said, "How can these things be? You cannot make founders of churches out of peasants of Galilee." That is exactly what Christ did; and when we are brought low in the sight of God by a sense of our own unworthiness, we may feel encouraged to follow Jesus because of what he can make us. What said the woman of a sorrowful spirit when she lifted up her song? "He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes." We cannot tell what God may make of us in the new creation, since it would have been quite impossible to have foretold what he made of chaos in the old creation. Who could have imagined all the beautiful things that came forth from darkness and disorder by that one fiat, "Let there be light?" And who can tell what lovely displays of everything that is divinely fair I lay yet appear in a man's formerly dark life, when God's grace has said to him, "Let there be light?" O you who see in yourselves at present nothing that is desirable, come you and follow Christ for the sake of what he can make out of you. Do you not hear his sweet voice calling to you, and saying, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men?"

He has shown you.

"He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

And to walk humbly with your God." 

- Micah 6.8 -

Only shallow tunes

"The lips know only shallow tunes. The heart is where great symphonies are born." - Calvin Miller