Thursday, December 10, 2009

A torn-up jumper, a torn-up heart....

She walked. She stopped. She walked. She stopped. She walked. She stopped. Each time she walked, it was just one step, then she stopped. Such a steady, yet painful rhythm. It was evident how much each breath hurt. The air skimmed through her lips, like it was cutting her insides with blades. Her face grimaced with the strain. I didn't know what was wrong. But i knew something was. What do you do at times like that? I wanted to wrap my arms round her, to kiss her gently on the cheek, just so she would know, she wasn't alone. But you can't do that to a stranger; to an old lady, who limps under the weight of her own body. And this was when it hit me.... what if she doesn't believe in Jesus? She was distinctly an outcast.... she wore the marks of rejection, hopelessness and despair - they were as clear as the bright pink hat and torn-up jumper she was clothed in.... they were written in her eyes and engraved in the lines on her face. But what if she knew no Saviour? If she walks this Earth in pain then somehow that's just about bareable, if you know that in eternity she will be redeemed. But what if she's not? What if, she not only suffers now, but will suffer then too?.... Such a thought is too much for me. Such a thought reduces me to tears. Such a thought is heartbreaking. 

Sometimes i want to console myself, that everything will one day turn out ok.... in some ways, i know it will...... but, for those who don't believe, it won't be ok. How do you reconcile yourself with that thought? Quite simply, i don't think you do. It says it grieved God to the heart when he had to send the flood.... It grieved Him deeply... so i presume such a thought should grieve us deeply too. But then again, which of us doesn't deserve destruction?... the fact that God chooses to save any is a demonstration of extreme mercy.... though this doesn't lessen the grief of accepting that some won't be saved, it does mean that God does nothing wrong here. So although i can't console myself that life will turn out as i wish, i will console myself with this: "Shall not the God of all the earth do what is just?" (Genesis 18:25)  and this: "But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." (Psalm 86:15) and this: He "does ALL things well" (Mark 7:37). 

We are called to love others, to serve them, to make disciples of all nations and proclaim the truth of who God is... but when it comes to who is actually saved, i guess we simply have to trust a just God. So, though this world is a torn-up, broken mess, i will rest in this.

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