Beside the manger

Who will celebrate Christmas correctly? Whoever finally lays down all power, all honour, all reputation, all vanity, all arrogance, all individualism beside the manger. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Brick Lane

I was in London at the weekend visiting my dear siblings and i noticed a bit of street art by Swoon. I've posted some of her work on here before, but never actually seen any in real life, so i was quite glad to notice a piece pasted up in Brick Lane. I like her style.

Grace

‎"You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the play and the opera, and grace before the concert and pantomime, And grace before I open a book, And grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing, And grace before I dip my pen in the ink." G. K. Chesterton

Back to the start...

To say that my life has been strange in recent years would be an understatement; it's been more than strange. And at times my mind has been like a maze of confusion which i have felt more than lost in. This has meant that i haven't written so regularly and when i have it's tended to be quite heavy. But i miss writing, and i especially miss writing about the kind of things i first set out to write about. It was my aim back in 2007 to use this as a place to help me practically outwork my desire to think about whatever is true and honourable and just and pure and lovely and gracious and excellent and worthy of praise (phil 4.8). And so i'm going to restart this blog, with my original aim in mind.

I love noticing tenderness and grace and beauty in the every day things.. and i love noticing it in the not-so-every-day things too... i also believe that sometimes tenderness can be seen in and through the most obscure and bizarre situations and i think such expressions of tenderness are worth noting and celebrating.

I'm pretty sure i have no readers any more, so i feel free to start writing without the worry of saying silly things. I'm doing this more as an exercise for myself anyway.. an exercise to keep me focussed on things outside myself, to remind me to lift up my head and keep my eyes open, and to re-train myself to speak about all i love, rather than all i fear. So, here we go....

Hungary

Photos of Hungary by Tamas Dezso

Songs in the Night

"God, my maker, who giveth songs in the night." - Job 35.10

"No man can make a song in the night of himself; he may attempt it, but he will find that a song in the night must be divinely inspired. Let all things go well, i can weave songs, fashioning them wherever i go out of the flowers that grow upon my path; but put me in a desert, where no green thing grows, and wherewith shall i frame a hymn of praise to God?.. Let but this voice be clear, and this body full of health, and i can sing God's praise: silence my tongue, lay me upon the bed of languishing, and how shall i then chant God's high praises, unless He Himself give me the song? No, it is not in man's power to sing when all is adverse, unless an alter-coal shall touch his lip... Since our maker gives songs in the night, let us wait upon Him for the music. O Thou chief musician, let us not remain songless because affliction is upon us, but tune Thou our lips to the melody of thanksgiving." - Spurgeon

The Well Song.

Here's an extract from The Well Song by Chelsey Scott. It's a beautiful, albeit a little sad, song..

"Well i've walked and walked a thousand lengths, watched my precious strength go weak. Oh Lord, I can't walk here a single mile more. So i sat and sat in lazy pain, Let the plea go straight to my brain. Oh, Lord, I can't sit here a single moment more. 'Cause this well that i have dug, completely empty of love, no water does it hold to quench my thirst and soul. But Your cisterns in the ground... Oh, what a beautiful sound, they just flow and flow. How they meet my thirsty soul. Oh, Lord, why give this precious strength to fools? No, I don't thirst anymore."

Like Snow.

"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." - Isaiah 1.18

Photos by Lisa Robinson

This world.

Photographs by Joakim Eskildsen

There is a fountain

"There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Emmanuel's veins; and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains. The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day; and there may i, though vile as he, wash all my sins away. Dear dying Lamb, thy precious blood shall never lose it's power, til all the ransomed Church of God be saved, to sin no more. E'er since, by faith, I saw the stream, thy flowing wounds supply, redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be til i die. Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I'll sing thy power to save, when this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave." - William Cowper

Broken Colour

Photos by Palmer Davis

An eternal weight of glory..

I just read this, by Jon Bloom, on the Desiring God website. It's good, so i'm going to quote most of it:

"I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me. You have turned cruel to me (Job 30:20-21).

These words came out of the mouth of the man God considered the most blameless and upright on earth at the time (Job 1:8)..... Can you identify with Job? You cry out to God in your affliction and you see nothing change. It seems like he’s just standing there watching you writhe. It feels cruel.

But this is not, in fact, true. What is true is that God is doing far more in our affliction than we know.

For Job, he did not know that he was putting Satan to shame by trusting in God despite his desolate confusion. He did not know that his experience would encourage millions for millennia. And like Job, we do not know what mind-blowing designs God has in store for what may feel unbearable and appear cruel today.

But we do know this: God was answering Job when it seemed he wasn’t. And God was remembering David when David cried, “Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). And when Jesus cried, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46), God had turned his face away from our sin, only to raise his Son from the dead to undying, unsurpassed, and eternal glory.

Your suffering may be inscrutable today. But in reality it is preparing for you “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Take heart and hold on."

The sea..

A little video i made of the sea and sky near my house. The song is Farther Along, by Josh Garrels.

Father Along..

"So much more to life than we’ve been told

It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left to go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the son of god is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon"

- An extract of the lyrics to Farther Along by Josh Garrels. I totally love this song. And you can download his c.d. for free here.

two birds & the sky

Photo by Christine Jones

To the praise of His glorious grace

It's exactly two years since i took my last daily anti-convulsant drugs. I was taking over 20 pills a day, to no avail, as i was still having regular seizures. I felt God tell me to come off my medication and to trust Him with my health, so i did. The drug withdrawal was horrific.. it was so unbearable that aside from God's grace i have no idea how i got through it. My parents still say that they were the worst weeks of their life. As i recall it now, i am amazed and utterly grateful that God graciously got me through it; so amazed that i want to burst with joyful thankfulness.

The two years that followed turned out so different to how i originally hoped. I hoped my seizures would cease, and they did stop for a while, but then they came back, and i've had regular seizures since. Also, the effect of being on such strong sedative drugs and then coming off them left me with bad insomnia which lasted the whole 2 years. Suffice to say, the last few years haven't felt easy. I was weak and frail in the midst of it and i often struggled to know how to wait patiently for God. And I didn't always act in ways that honoured Him.

However, i have recently started sleeping again and have also had renewed levels of energy. And for the first time since stopping my medication i've started to feel the effect of not being sedated or sleep-deprived... and it's been incredible.. I am so grateful for this simple blessing of sleep and more energy.. i may not be like a 'normal' person yet... I am still having seizures & I'm not yet fully healed... but i am so overwhelmingly grateful just to have the gift of life... so grateful i could burst with joy.

I want to testify to God's goodness and sustaining grace. I am SO glad that He got me through these last 2 years... and all the years before. In His Sovereignty He chose to let me go through what felt like a fire. Rather than putting the fire out instantly, He walked through it with me. And for that, i am utterly grateful. It is the sweetest thing to have the King walk with you in the midst of a battle. I admit that sometimes i got so absorbed in the battle that i forgot He was holding my hand and fighting for me, but it is still a beautiful thing to remember and know that He was always with me.

I also want to say that i have realised that it is completely and totally true that the deepest and most satisfying joy we will ever find is in God alone - the sweetness of knowing Him is a thousand times sweeter than any other thing.. even good health, or a good job, or a nice spouse, or fancy future plans, or the approval of man, or earthly riches, or a list of your own achievements, or ANY other thing... whilst His gifts are great, it is still far SWEETER and far GREATER to know Him. I may not be healed yet, but i have a treasure that far surpasses this. I have Christ, and i am utterly grateful to be His. It is totally true that He is enough. May my life in this feeble, weak body be to the praise of His glorious grace... I praise Him for His glorious grace today.

Kiss the Son

"When you've been broken, broken to pieces. And your heart begins to faint 'cause you don't understand. And when there is nothing to rake from the ashes....... But i bow down and kiss the Son. Oh and i bow down and kiss the Son. Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth. Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth. Well, though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Well, though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord." - Kevin Prosch

Who can speak?

"Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?" - Lam 3.37-38

I'm so glad that it's actually God's words, and not ours, that make things happen.

Kobayashi

I just came across the illustrations of Yoshinori Kobayashi. I really love the simplicity and style of her art work.

Could my tears..

"God is not impressed if we are deeply moved over Jesus' torment. Unbelievers are moved to tears watching The Passion Of the Christ. "Could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone." He is impressed with whether or not we believe in the gospel Jesus preached. It is true that God the Son suffered more than we will ever know. And it is right to pray for softer hearts and a more profound grasp of what Jesus endured to save us. But as we survey the wondrous cross today, remember that in our worship God will not be looking for tears, he will be looking for trust." - Jon Bloom

Strength to Strength

"Those with anxious spirits trouble themselves about the future. “Oh!” they say, “we seem to go from affliction to affliction.” Very true, O you of little faith; but don’t forget that you also go from strength to strength. You will never find a bundle of affliction that doesn’t have God’s sufficient grace at the very center." - Spurgeon

No sunset years

There are no sunset years. "The path of the righteous is like the dawn; It shines brighter until the full day." (Pro. 4:18) - John Piper

I've been thinking about this quote today. It's pretty profound and worth pondering on. I like it very much.

Swoon

Street art by Swoon. Photo by Atomic. I like the combination of cut paper and drawing.

A thousand different colours

“People observe the colours of a day only at it's beginnings and ends, but to me it’s quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colours. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness.”

- From The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I haven't read this book, but i read the quote and like it.

North Iran

by Icy & Sot

Waiting...

"All the days of my struggle i will wait, until my change comes." - Job 14.14

Here is my truthful confession... Sometimes it's hard to wait. I was at Church this morning, and every bit of my soul was bursting with a longing to praise God... every bit of me wanted to dance and sing and be free in my expression of worship.... there was worship deep in my heart, seeking a release...... but my body is weak... my limbs were trembling.. my words were being blocked before they even escaped from my lips.. it was as much as i could do to get a few words out in the songs, let alone anything more...... and i knew i wasn't strong enough to dance.. if i did, i would almost certainly have collapsed and had a fit.

I don't want to endulge in self-pity.. i don't want to seem ungrateful, when i know that i'm blessed to have eyes that see, and ears that hear, and limbs that allow me to walk and draw... I am blessed.. everything i have is a gift.. the simple fact that i am alive is a gift.. and i am so grateful for that. But sometimes, i yearn to be fully free. I yearn to be able to express my worship to God. I yearn to be able to be strong enough to go and be amongst the people my heart bleeds for, and to serve and love others without being so limited by my feeble body.

And sometimes, like today, it feels hard. I would be lying if i pretended it didn't feel like a struggle.

"You are the living word, You are glorious and righteous, I shall be satisfied when i wake in Your likeness. I will wait for my change to come, til i wake more like the Son. I'm satisfied to be like You Lord. You're faithful, You are good. You abound in love and mercy. How awesome is Your name. You're the Christ, the hope of glory. You never tire nor faint, You strengthen those who wait, hoping in things unseen, I will trust in Your name." - Song lyrics by Christ Our Life

Even the stones...

Each rock had a hundred thousand stories etched into it's being. Each rock was a silent witness to the activities of the World. And each rock had a multitude of songs it could have sung; laments, ditties, lullabies, psalms, serenades, anthems, hymns. Yet the cry that must be heard, the cry that can't be contained, is the cry that declares who is King.

".. the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, saying, "Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" And some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples." He answered, "I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out." " - Luke 19. 37-40

A little bird

Photo by Kurt Tong

I quoted this once before, but i'm going to quote it again. I like the truth of it, even though i don't always feel it.. my heart doesn't always feel free.. but today it does and i'm grateful:

“A little bird I am, Shut from the fields of air; Yet in my cage I sit and sing, To Him who placed me there; Well pleased a prisoner to be, Because, my God, it pleases Thee. Nought have I else to do; I sing the whole day long; And He whom most I love to please, Doth listen to my song; He caught and bound my wandering wing, But still He bends to hear me sing. My cage confines me round: Abroad I cannot fly; But though my wing is closely bound, My heart's at liberty." - Madame Guyon

Being present

"Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future; but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His." - H.E.Manning

Open eyes.

"It's all a matter of keeping my eyes open, Beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will sense them. The least we can do is try to be there... So that creation need not play to an empty house." - Annie Dillard

Tear it out.

"The role of the will in sanctification: How intentional must you be to tear out your eye? Totally. It's never spontaneous." - John Piper

Challenging, but true...

Chinese Totems

Photos taken from the 'Totems' series by Alain Delmore. They portray Chinese men carrying vast loads across the city of Shanghai. I find them pretty fascinating.

All in a day's work

"If i may touch but His clothes, I shall be whole." Mark 5.28

I've been marveling at Mark 5 this evening. It contains three incredible stories showing Jesus' power; power over the enemy, power over sickness, power over death. And it's all in a day's work:

Jesus frees a mad man from a legion of demons and restores His health and sanity. Then He heals a lady who's been sick for 12 years. I am in awe of her simple faith.. She had spent all she had on seeking a remedy, only to have gotten worse. Yet when she sees Jesus she says with complete and absolute certainty that if she just touches His clothes then she WILL be made well. She touches, with a trembling fearful hand. She's made whole. And then with humility she declares to everyone the full truth as to why she had touched Him. Straight afterwards, Jesus raises a child from the dead, with the power of His simple tender loving words: "Little girl, arise." She arises. She lives.

Honestly, this chapter blows my mind. This chapter points to the absolute beauty and power of Jesus - power over the enemy, power over sickness, power over time, power over death.. and beauty that invokes faith and love and humility in sinner's. This God-man is incredible.

Your hands.

"Jesus, let me see Your hands. I wanna see the holes, where You felt Your Father's plans. Jesus, let me see Your feet. Never was a man's suffering so sweet.... Those who have ears, let 'em hear... those who have eyes, let 'em see.... There will be a day when the King will come, separate the weeds from the wheat.... Scoffer's scoff, skeptics smirk, don't you see a sinner's just like me... There will be a day when every knee will bow... So Jesus, let me see Your hands. I wanna see the holes, where You felt Your Father's plans. Jesus, let me see Your feet. Never was a man's suffering so sweet."

- Josh White

The Sun is Rising

The little video that this photo is taken from is worth watching: The Sun is Rising

Trees - Men

" “I see men, but they look like trees.” (Mark 8:24). Lord, leave me not with one lone touch. Keep touching till all is clear. " - John Piper

The cry of the needy

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap." - Psalm 113.7

"You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed...." - Psalm 10.17-18

Photo & stencil graffiti by icy

The face of Jesus

"'I see the face of Jesus in disguise,' said Mother Teresa about the dying beggars she would invite into her home in Calcutta - 'sometimes a most distressing disguise.' She, like Gandhi, understood that the direction of charity is not condescending, but rather ascending: in serving the weak and the poor, we are privileged to serve God himself." - P.Yancey

A crown of thorns.

"It ill becomes you to make much of dress and show, when you are so soon to see the face that was crowned with thorns." - RMM via J.Piper

He opened not His mouth

"Never man spake like Him (John 7.46) and never was man silent like Him." Spurgeon

I still can't comprehend how Jesus always spoke so beautifully. His every word is absolutely perfect. What blows my mind even more though, is His silence. I love this God-man. And I love His words. Out of everyone, He has a right to defend Himself, yet He doesn't... instead, His silence speaks in my defense, when I'm the guilty one.

Let me sail..

Photo by Sarah V. Elston

I caught a glimpse of You today, as shards of light danced across the ocean, merging sun and sea into single sapphire dewdrops; it was a timely unison. A summer radiance overthrew yesterday's grey countenance, and every resident of that water-city seemed to sing with victory. For a moment, Your laughter was written into the face of the great deep.

When You withdraw, all pleasing colours fade from those waves, like blood that drains from a broken man's skin. They have no brightness of their own.. they are not whole... like a bride without her groom. With no metronome to tame it's song, the current writhes at the hands of fierce winds, like a restless troubled soul. It's breakers crash upon the rocks, unleashing heavy salty tunes.. and my own heart echos their cry, releasing heavy salty tears. We toss as one, the vast ocean and i... we utter sounds simultaneously, as we share our longing for Your rays again.

Yet today, as i gazed into the waters heart and You unveiled Your shimmering eyes, hope surged through the fragments of my soul. I heard a faint whisper of the voice that stills the waters; a faint promise that the day is not far off. And I burst with gratitude at Your faithfulness. But still my every fibre flows with yearning... I long to sail peaceful seas again, to let You calm my ocean. I wait in hope for Your voice that speaks to my depths and hushes mighty storms. I wait in hope for the gentle tide that draws me to You, my desired haven.

"He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." - Psalm 107.29-31

Old Brighton Pier

I like these double exposures by Dan Mountford

Twenty Three

"Arise Oh Lord

Lift up Your eyes

Don’t forget I’m helpless

Oh You lead me to waters and pastures so green

Oh You pour out Your oil and choose goodness and mercy for me

No I will not be in want

You’re with me

I will not fear

You comfort me

I will not fear.

Everything i've ever wanted, i find in You. I could run away and You will never leave. You will always stay, right by my side."

- Song Lyrics to Twenty Three by Aaron Strumpel -

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Photos by Ibán Ramón.

He is good.

"I will hope in Your name, for Your name is good." - Psalm 52. 9

"I will sing the Lord's praise for He has been good to me." - Psalm 13.6