"All the days of my struggle i will wait, until my change comes." - Job 14.14
Here is my truthful confession... Sometimes it's hard to wait. I was at Church this morning, and every bit of my soul was bursting with a longing to praise God... every bit of me wanted to dance and sing and be free in my expression of worship.... there was worship deep in my heart, seeking a release...... but my body is weak... my limbs were trembling.. my words were being blocked before they even escaped from my lips.. it was as much as i could do to get a few words out in the songs, let alone anything more...... and i knew i wasn't strong enough to dance.. if i did, i would almost certainly have collapsed and had a fit.
I don't want to endulge in self-pity.. i don't want to seem ungrateful, when i know that i'm blessed to have eyes that see, and ears that hear, and limbs that allow me to walk and draw... I am blessed.. everything i have is a gift.. the simple fact that i am alive is a gift.. and i am so grateful for that. But sometimes, i yearn to be fully free. I yearn to be able to express my worship to God. I yearn to be able to be strong enough to go and be amongst the people my heart bleeds for, and to serve and love others without being so limited by my feeble body.
And sometimes, like today, it feels hard. I would be lying if i pretended it didn't feel like a struggle.
"You are the living word, You are glorious and righteous, I shall be satisfied when i wake in Your likeness. I will wait for my change to come, til i wake more like the Son. I'm satisfied to be like You Lord. You're faithful, You are good. You abound in love and mercy. How awesome is Your name. You're the Christ, the hope of glory. You never tire nor faint, You strengthen those who wait, hoping in things unseen, I will trust in Your name." - Song lyrics by Christ Our Life