Standing on the rock.

I was talking to a friend today about how sometimes everything in life can seem misty and like you can't see the way ahead, but you have to remember that you are standing on the rock that is God. I was remembering a time in Sheffield, just before i was ill, when i went onto a hilltop which overlooked the city. It was really misty that day and you couldn't see anything much... there was a big rock which i went and stood on, and i felt God remind me that when things got misty in life just to remember i was standing on Him... and that the mist would pass. After i had this conversation today i came home and randomly came across this stream of photos by Randy P Martin. It encouraged me, because they basically illustrate the exact thing i was thinking about. I like the fact that the girl is standing on a rock in all of the photos, but not all of the photos are misty. In the last couple there is no mist and she is in a setting of flowing water. Anyway, i admit that i am quick to forget, as even this evening i was feeling a little disheartened and confused again, but i guess that's the exact reason why we need to remember that God is our rock at all times.

This town.

Worthing seemed so weary and tired today. I sat on a bus and watched the people on it and the people that we passed as i looked through the window. And i couldn't help but cry. The old chinese man to my left, with his ankle-swingers and crooked glasses, kept rubbing his eyes and his head drooped wearily. The lady at the front, in her red fleece, ran her fingers through her hair whilst letting out gentle sighs... her eyes had dark bags underneath, and her face had sadness written into every line. The man next to her, i've seen countless times before, he muttered to himself, closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep. Every now and then he'd open then again and look at me with the most piercing gaze. He was old. He was tired.

And the man that made me cry the most, was the one i saw through the scratched window pane. He was standing by the war memorial, reading the names. He had his hat clutched against his chest, as a sign of respect and honour, and in that moment i felt something of his heart. I realised again what loss the war caused... and what grief old men live with, because of the after-effects. Even as i returned home on the bus, and passed the war memorial again, i cried. There was no-one outside this time, the man had gone, but the way he had held his hat, and his expression lingered in my mind.

What i was left with, was an overwhelming sense of a weary town. And what struck me even more was a fear that all our hype and all our fancy meetings won't reach these kind of people much. They need something real.. they need a depth of love.. they need people to sit with them, to listen to them, to walk with them, to care for them, to be Jesus to them. An old lady sitting all alone in her home won't be changed much by the hyped up atmosphere of a Church meeting.. don't get me wrong, i want to see the Holy Spirit at work in Church meetings, i want to see people joyfully expressing their love for Jesus.. i know that He is the only One who can offer people real hope and meet their needs. He is the only One who can save their souls and bring them peace and comfort enough to endure their loneliness and weariness. I know the difference it makes to experience the Holy Spirit and have Him as the strength you live through - i know we need this. We can't even love people without it coming from the love God gives us - we need to be filled with His spirit even for this.

I just worry sometimes that we might focus too much on experiences and long too much for manifestations of His spirit, and forget about the simple call He gives us to love one another, and the fruits of the Spirit.. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. I want to be filled with His Spirit more.. but not just so we have a good meeting, but so that i bare fruit and am truly empowered to go out and reach people.. so i'm empowered to love and care for them and be Jesus to them. I don't care about the experience for the sake of experience alone.

"If i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing." - 1 Cor 13

"He has told you, o man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" - Micah 6.8

God is here

“Coming close, close enough to feel her pain, remember the words of another one suffering, God is here. Coming close, closer this time, if you wanna see Jesus look into her eyes; look into her eyes. God is here. See the city where she lives in this dirty place, see the beggars and the whores and the homeless faces, God is here. See the children who are sleeping and the woman who is drunk and the man with the sign that says he’s down on his luck. See the man with the sign give another his blanket; if you didn’t look close you wouldn’t think it, but God lives here. Come in close, closer this time; the miracle of laughter, the miracle of life, God is here. Here in the places we call hopeless, you call out your kingdom and you call it beautiful. Here out of the ashes you build cities of hope; cities of hope. He says “this is my home and these are my children, you wanna see me, you gotta see them”. God is here. He says “this is my home and these are my children, you wanna see me, you gotta see them.” - Song lyrics by Kate Hurley

I will wait

"All the days of my struggle i will wait, until my change comes."

- Job 14:14

I don't remember ever having read this verse before, but i like it.

The thumb alone.

' I have a bookcase filled with surgical textbooks that describe operations people have devised for the injured hand: different ways to rearrange the tendons, muscles and joints, ways to replace sections of bones and mechanical joints - thousands of surgical procedures. But i know of no procedure that succeeds in improving a normal hand.... After operating on thousands of hands, I must agree with Isaac Newton, "In the absence of any other proof, the thumb alone would convince me of God's existance." ' - Paul Brand

My soul clings to you..

"O God, you are my God, earnestly i seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So i have looked upon you in the sanctury, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you..... My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips... My soul clings to you; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63

I was thinking about this Psalm recently and am amazed by how it progresses and how different the second half is from the first. I'm so glad that neither half sounds alone, but that they are right there together. David wrote it in the wilderness and isn't afraid to declare the state of his thirst and weariness... yet He still chooses to praise God because of the truth of who God is and the truth of His love... and He clings to the promises He has.. that His soul will be satisfied.. completely and utterly satisfied. I don't know if David felt that satisfaction then or not, I don't know if he uttered those words through parched lips.. the fact that he says afterwards that his soul clings to God, suggests that maybe he was still feeling weak and still feeling thirsty, but was making that choice to cling to God and hope in Him nonetheless. Either way, i'm glad that it's written how it is.. I'm glad all the Psalms are written how they are.. that they don't shy away from the pain and agony of life, but they face it and acknowledge it and then offer hope...

A weight of future glory...

"God knows all this World's weight and burden and heaviness and if there were not a weight of future glory to counterpoise it, we should all sink into nothing." John Donne

"Our last day is our first day; our Saturday is our Sunday; our eve is our holy day; our sunsetting is our morning; the day of our death is the first day of our eternal life. The next day after that... comes that day that shall show me to myself. Here i never saw myself but in disguises; there, then, I shall see myself, but i shall see God too... Here i have one faculty enlightened, and another left in darkness; mine understanding sometimes cleared, my will at the same time perverted. There i shall be all light, no shadow upon me; my soul invested in the light of joy, and my body in the light of glory." - John Donne

"He began with prayers that the pain be removed; he ends with prayers that the pain be redeemed, that he be 'catechised by affliction'. Such redemption might take the form of miraculous cure - he still hoped so - but even if it did not, God could take a crude lump and through the refiner's fire of suffering make of it pure gold." - Philip Yancey on John Donne

Little Drifters...

I decided to make a couple of little drifters while i was by the sea this weekend. I was inspired by the Little Drifters project i read about on this website. Admittedly mine only floated for about a second each, but i put that down to the fact that it was exceptionally windy.. i could barely stay standing, let alone these little 'boats'! Anyway, i can't say i put much effort into them, but thought i'd post the photos none-the-less. I did get some pretty strange looks from passer-bys!

20 years ago today.

I got baptised 20 years ago today. When i was 7 years old. Some people might think that was too young, but i knew what i was doing and made the decision myself. I remember asking my Mum one night in the bathroom, and then i remember having to chat it through with my Church leader. He gave me an analogy to make sure i really understood what Jesus had done for me, and i cried my eyes out. My parents gave me a new Bible that day, and wrote this verse in the front of it:

"For I the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.' " - Isaiah 41:13

Quite an appropriate verse for me, seeing as i was always a little bit of an over-worrier as a child. Anyway, what i wanted to say was that God has been true to His word, and has faithfully helped me these last 20 years... and the 7 years before that too. I'm incredibly grateful for that, and am incredibly glad to be His.