Truth, words and riddles....

A dear friend of mine told me today that sometimes my blog makes it sound like i'm still not very well... i don't think she meant it in a negative way, i think she was just curious as to how i was doing.... it made me realise that my posts are probably sometimes hard for others to interpret.... I'm sorry for that... I think i have a tendancy to write in a slightly cryptic way at times.... partly because i primarily write to myself and i actually find it much easier to express things that way and partly because i often want to say something but am unsure how appropriate it is to include specific details... especially if other people are involved. But this might actually just be confusing for anyone else who did read my posts.... However, I didn't actually think i had many, if any, regular readers these days so hadn't been too bothered by what i wrote, but the more i think about it now the more i realise that i'm probably no-where near as encouraging or positive as i should be. It's hard finding the right balance between being real and honest, yet not complaining and making sure what you say is edifying. It's hard knowing how open to be, when anyone could read it... And it's hard not to get too introspective and self-absorbed. I've yet to get the balance anywhere near right. I've been thinking a lot recently about stopping this blog, as i worry sometimes it might have more of a negative effect than a positive one if anyone did read it... but then again, on a personal level i actually find it very helpful to write. 

I guess the only real thing i have to offer is honesty though.... although i know that i sometimes find even that hard. I used to think that being honest meant telling things exactly as they were... but recently i've been reading some things by Dietrich Bonhoeffer where he says that it is so much more than the words we use. He said how it's vital to take into consideration the whole relationship we have with people when we decide on the words we use... you have to consider the time, place and context of a situation. He said it's possible to speak truthful words, which deny the truth of a relationship. For example a child could say something to their parents which might be completely true, but inappropriate because a child should respect their parents... and therefore despite the fact that the words are honest, the whole exchange isn't honest, because it denies the loving relationship that they are called to. I remember i once got so concerned about telling the truth that i couldn't even be sarcastic for a while... or tell jokes, or exaggerate in an obvious way to make a point, cos i was worried they might be classed as lies. Anyway, i am getting distracted from my point now.... i guess i was just trying to say that i want to be honest, but it's sometimes hard working out what that is!

At the end of the day the only perspective from which i can write is the perspective from which i live..  anything else will just be based on assumptions.... and people can tell when you write without really having any experience of something.... the words lack life somehow and are kinda colder.... at least that's what i find. But does that make it right or useful to write about my own life so much? I don't know...  maybe it's not good to be so self-absorbed? But then again our own lives are the story in which our faith is worked out, and therefore a vital instrument through which we can express faith and share it.... the place from which we can testify to the way God moves and speaks and shines through everyday tasks.... and the place where we see the truth of His word lived out. So, please forgive me if i talk about my life too much or too little.... if i'm too cryptic or too open.... if i'm too honest, or too fake..... i can only offer the reality of what i am, and that will be littered with mistakes..... but i trust God with the rest and pray that somehow, in the midst of all this, He can still be glorified.

A letter to yesterday's feather...

dear feather...

Yesterday i thought it sad that you were captured by the wind, torn from the body of the bird from which you came. Today i think maybe it was a blessing in disguise. You seem alive only in that wind; without it you'd lie lifeless on the ground. It is the stream on which you sail. Yesterday i found you curled round that little yellow flower. And today, who knows? Maybe you're resting on the bark of an old twisted tree. And tomorrow, maybe you'll adorn the headdress of a child pretending to be an indian warrior. Maybe one day someone will find you and turn you into a pillow to bring comfort to their weary head? Unite you with a whole case of feathers again. Until then you are free to dance upon the breeze, be carried by a force outside yourself, given momentum by an invisible torrent of air. And for that, i even envy you. There's a World of beauty out there - i'm sure you caught glimpses of unseen things when you flew with that bird.. but now the wind will transport you from place to place and introduce you to a mystery of colours, sounds, hopes and dreams..... And the breeze carries many other things too... listen for the melodies of children's laughter floating by your side, the tunes of little birds as they awake for the sunrise, the smells of autumn nights, the petals of fading flowers drifting by, drops of rain that will refresh you when you're dry, beams of sunlight breaking through the clouds..... oh, there's so much more for you to see.... so much more for you to be......Who can tell who else's heart you will make smile. So i shall be thankful for that wind, which takes you on untold journeys, letting you rest gently on it's wing. I wish you well little feather. Submit and ride with Him. 

When a feather interrupts your thoughts...

Mud Song

"isn't it just like You to make a slave into Your daughter

isn't it just like You to make wine out of dirty water

Father You made me Yours

found my orphan heart and brought it home

and i'm safe here and i sing

I used to live in chains

my wounds bled to the ground

my bed was out in the rain

my hair in knots and soaked in mud

but You took my hand

and You led me in

and combed my hair

and You kissed my skin

and You gave me food

and You made me Yours.

and i'm safe here and i sing"

- Lyrics taken from the Mud Song by The Blackthorn Project - 

They explain on their site that the song reflects the story of redemption throughout Scripture: "From Egypt to Canaan. From Joseph's prison cell to his throne. From the lost son's pig sty to his welcome home feast. This story happens time and time again.... Orphans are beloved sons and daughters... Girls redeemed from the sex trade are finding places of refuge in the people of Jesus who are risking life and limb to call these "nobodies" their own. "  

All His children have their own individual stories

But each one is written in the blood of our King.

And because of His story, i too can sing.

For i feel blind and can not see...

"Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground." - Psalm 143.10

" I am the Lord your God... who leads you in the way you should go." - Isaiah 48.17

(Photo by Dina Marie)

Too few.

"There are enough churches being planted by means of music, drama, creative scheduling, sprightly narrative, and marketing savvy. And there are too few that are God-centered, truth-treasuring, Bible-saturated, Christ-exalting, cross-focused, Spirit-dependent, prayer-soaked, soul-winning, and justice-pursuing, that have a wartime mindset that makes them ready to lay down their lives for the salvation of nations and neighborhoods..." John Piper

Love

by LoV-E

Capturing Life

I recently discovered the work of the photographer Emmanual Smague and am truly inspired by his poignant photos. I love the unique way in which compassion flows from his pictures, the insight that he provides into the different realities that people face daily and the depth of character that is so evident in the faces of everyone he captures. I think his photos are heart-breaking and beautiful simultaneously. They make me marvel at life and make me want to cry. And his work does what i believe all good photos should do: it invites you in and makes you focus on the subjects - the people, their lives and situations - it makes you forget about the 'photo' and fills your heart with love for those he is portraying. I recommend visiting his site. The above photos are samples of some of his shots - the guy in the first picture lives in a deserted village in the Ukraine - it was destroyed by the Chernobyl nucleur accident and his is the only family that still lives there - in a desolated place. The other pictures show Kurdish refugees and gypsies in Turkey. 

Lay 'Em Down

I like this tune: 'Lay 'Em Down' by needtobreathe

Painting Love....

I've been thinking alot recently about the kids i met when i went to Albania, about 7 years ago. They were truly inspiring and amazing children - they had known so much hardship, yet still had such beautiful, joyful spirits. They were from very poor regions and most of them had to work so hard everyday just to survive. They came to the Summer camp with literally nothing and had never even seen a toothbrush before. I've never seen kids so overwhelmed with excitement and joy as they were when they were simply given a t-shirt. You can see the look of true appreciation in the girl's face below. I know the photos aren't very good quality, they were taken on a real basic film camera and then i scanned them in.

I was thinking again today about the above photo - the kids asked me to paint hearts on their arms, even the boys wanted hearts - but what they didn't realise was that they were the ones who were painting love on my heart. Children do that in a unique way. Recently i had the honour of being in the company of a sweet child, during a week which i was finding particularly difficult (i might even go as far as to say it was a horrific week). Anyway, it was exactly what i needed and i realised again just how much the presence of a child can help you get things in perspective and appreciate simplicity..... 

The other thing i truly loved about those kids was their ability to play for literally hours on end, in the simplest ways. They never got bored or demanded material things. They were used to nothing and working and being beaten, so to have hours to play meant so much to them. It made me actually feel strangely broken for rich kids, who get so bored so easily and require so much stimulation, like playstations and computers. It made me realise that in their poverty, these kids were richer than most wealthy children i knew. And consequently i felt heart-broken for the wealthy kids as well. I'm not really sure why i'm even writing this post, except to say that i have a lot to learn from children - especially poor ones. I must admit that i was so broken for them too though - after the camp they would have to return to harsh environments and a far too grown-up existance and who knows what's become of them now.......

Confusion, obedience, simplicity...

Interesting quote from Oswald Chambers:

"You cannot think through spiritual confusion to make things clear; to make things clear, you must obey. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will only think yourself into further wandering thoughts and more confusion. If there is something in your life upon which God has put His pressure, then obey Him in that matter. Bring all your "arguments and....every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" regarding the matter, and everything will become clear as daylight to you. Your reasoning capacity will come later, but reasoning is not how we see. We see like children, and when we try to be wise we see nothing (matt 11.25)." 

I am inclined to agree. It reminds me of when i was young and i used to wonder why God didn't want Adam & Eve to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In all my reasoning i figured that surely it must be good to understand good and evil, but later i realised that actually the wisdom that man acquired at the fall, from this tree, wasn't real wisdom, but simply the ability to decide for themselves. By wanting to know, it just meant that man wanted to take matters into their own hands, rather than simply taking God at His word. Our whole mindset and thinking and understanding stems from this source... a fallen source... whatever we do based on human wisdom, whether it's good or bad, a strength or weakness, even if it makes perfect sence....it still comes from this source... "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil".... "human wisdom"..... man's own decisions.... & in this there is NO LIFE.... even if man considers it to be a highly intelligent, wise & great idea. 

Anyway, if we live by the wisdom of God instead, then surely it means everything should come from the other source.... the tree of Life.... Jesus...... His word, His promises..... rather than trying to understand everything and come up with our own decisions, we take Him at His word, and humbly obey.... just like a child.... we simply trust. No wonder God hates human wisdom so much and says He'll destroy it (1 corin 1.19) No wonder He says He'll make the humble wise.... i guess they are the ones who recognise their weakness and let Jesus be their source, and that is true wisdom. Because of this i am inclined to say that the smallest child who follows after God is a thousand times wiser than the most intelligent man on Earth. Even if we don't understand God's ways, we must be rooted in them. Being someone who thinks FAR too much, this is something i need to constantly remind myself of.

"... the simplicity that is in Christ..." - 2 Corin 11.3

In pursuit of Light

1. .we'll sing in the sunshine., 2. intervene, 3. "If we are open to unimaginable possibilities, 4. pandora

Nothing in the house

The photo above is of a rapeseed field near my house. I took it earlier this Summer when the field was alive with colour and life and the rapeseed was ripe, ready to be made into oil. The photo below is of that same field, today. Empty and bare and freshly ploughed. If i'm honest, that's how i feel right now - pretty barren and like someone's churned me up inside - but then i was reminded again that there is a season for everything, even for the farmer's harrow and the prong's that dig deep -  such plowing is necessary, it removes weeds and prepares the soil for a new season. And next Summer that land will be full of rapeseed again....... It's just it takes time and requires patience... 

"Thy servant, Lord, hath nothing in the house,

Not even one small pot of common oil;

For he who never cometh but to spoil

Hath raided my poor house again, again,

That ruthless strong man armed, whom men call Pain.

I thought that i had courage in the house,

And patience to be quiet and endure,

And sometimes happy songs; now i am sure

Thy servant hath not anything,

And see, my songbird hath a broken wing.

My servant, I have come into the house - 

I who know Pain's extremity so well

That there can never be the need to tell

His power to make the flesh and spirit quail:

Have I not felt the scourge, the thorn, the nail?

And I, his Conqueror, am in the house,

Let not your heart be troubled, do not fear:

Why shouldst thou, child of Mine, if I am here?

My touch will heal thy songbird's broken wing,

And he shall have a braver song to sing.

- Poem by Amy Carmichael - 

Although i know little of the real suffering caused by physical pain that she describes... the rest of the poem does describe how i feel..... and i'm grateful for the last 2 verses, written from God's perspective, reminding us that we are never completely empty, when He abides with us...

When roses grow in prison grounds....

1. Discovery, 2. idlip sa bangketa, 3. love is all you need, 4. Roses

Let justice roll down...

Let justice roll down like a mighty river

Let righteousness flow on and on

'Til the desert becomes like the garden of Eden

Where the nations will come and be healed

And the glory of God is revealed.

-Chris Christensen-

In prayer for you

Photo taken in Paris by Jean-Marc Rocfort.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12.12

Nothing = Everything

"Having nothing, yet possessing everything." - 2 Corin 6.10

Ana Ventura

by Ana Ventura. I'm posting these for no reason other than the simple fact that i like them.

More than a coat of paint...

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147.3

I think that sometimes, as people, we are too easily satisfied with quick fixes and botch jobs. But i'm glad that God isn't. I'm glad that when His sheep are covered in wounds, He doesn't simply paint over the grazes with a coat of white paint, hoping everyone will be fooled into thinking the wounds are really gone, when infact they're just hidden. Whether the wounds are the result of a wolf attack, or simply because the sheep was foolish and stumbled into a hole - either way it grieves His heart and He seeks to apply a true remedy, rather than just a tin of white paint. Infact, He goes even further and gives them completely new hearts. And in order to do this He is prepared to wound His own Son.... His own arm. That is real love. No white paint. No quick fix. More often than not true love is costly. How much am i prepared to give and how much do i just seek a quick fix?

"I am the good Shepherd. The good Shepherd lays down His life for His sheep." - John 10.11

A broken soul..

Why is it that even the love of a hundred people can't heal a broken heart?

The wisest words can't heal a broken mind?

The best Doctors and finest medicine can't heal a broken body?

And the kindest gesture can't help a dying soul?

The most beautiful scene can't open blind eyes?

An eloquent speech can't change a hardened heart?

Enchanting music can't ease a tortured mind?

No surgeon can renew an ageing body?

Multitudes of people can't comfort a lonely soul?

No therapy could break through haunted eyes?

The finest wine, sweetest food, strongest drugs, most noble gesture, kindest heart, wisest preach, loveliest scene, cleverest mind, most beautiful tune, closest friend, deepest love, most possible dream....... why is it that all this can't heal a broken man? Can't save a dying soul? Can't free a tortured mind?

This world has no real power.

This world has no real life.

- The above is an extract from my diary a couple of years ago...  it was written from a pretty bleak perspective, when i was particularly burdened by some situations a few friends of mine were going through.... and i was thinking about it again today, in light of some new situations that have just been brought to my attention, things people who i love dearly are going through.... although, in essence, it was a pretty depressing stream of thought, i guess my point was simply that sometimes people go through things which it feels like we are almost powerless to help them with, even when we so desperately want to be able to..... but despite that, there really IS still hope.... because God can break into every situation and bring freedom.... i know that to be true, from what i've witnessed in others and from personal experience (i can testify that throughout my life God really has brought me out of some hopeless situations) ... just sometimes, it seems like people are brought to rock-bottom before that happens..... don't ask me why? However, although in one sense sometimes there is little we can do to truly bring freedom to someone else, in another sense i believe that simply being there for them and listening to them can help massively, i think just knowing you're not alone makes a massive difference .... and i reckon prayer does have more power than we might realise too.... personally i'm grateful to every person who has prayed for and listened to me over the years... truly..... i don't think i could have survived alone...... and so, even when it feels like we have little power to change a situation, i guess, despite what i originally wrote, it's good to remember that God does have power... and if He lives in us, then His power can flow through us too.... we can bring Jesus to others, even unknowingly, and that's the best thing we can offer.....so i guess there really is more hope than my initial stream of thought seems to suggest!

"Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." - Psalm 139.12

"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart." - Psalm 107.14

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." - 2 Corinthians 3.17

And i'm pretty sure i've included this quote before, but it seemed relevant again:

"I try to find something wise and hopeful to say to them, only little by little coming to understand that the most precious thing i have to give them is not whatever words i find to say, but simply whatever, spoken or unspoken, i have in me of Christ, which is also the most precious thing they have to give me." - Frederick Buechner

Bloom

Another piece of street art by Joe Iurato. I just came across it and like it 'cos it kinda reminds me of the quote i posted yesterday....

..as the rose..

"And the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose..."

I went to a big forest today. I wasn't feeling too good, so actually had to stay in the car sleeping for quite a bit of the time, but when i did go for a little walk i came across the above quote engraved into a piece of wood in the middle of the forest. It was a strange place to find such words, but i have to admit that it was like a little glimmer of hope for me and i'm grateful for it....

When heaven disagrees...

"Learn this, my little friend, no man may burn a label into flesh and make it stay when heaven disagrees." - Calvin Miller, 'The Singer'

One of my favourite books is 'The Singer', by Calvin Miller. It's a poetic allegory of the gospel and i think it's written in a really beautiful way. The above quote is taken from the scene where the Singer (representing Jesus) is talking to a little girl whom He previously healed. He has just been raised back to life and the girl asks Him why it is that He still bears the scars from when He was killed, but the words that were written on His face are gone..... He explains that the scars were left, so that men would not forget what it costs to love..... but He goes on to explain that the words written on Him were lies... and so simply could not remain. He then says to the girl: "It may be hard to give me all i ask. Not long ago, in the name of love, i gave you legs. Yesterday that very love demanded mine. But the Song is all that matters. It may be you will have to sing it where the crowd will shout you down and demand your legs or life. But it would be better to give them both than to surrender up the music in your soul. Some will hate you for the song you love. They will seek to stop you singing. But no matter how they treat you, remember that i suffered everything before you. And if they should brand you with a name across your face... It cannot stay, if heaven disagrees."

The glorious exchange

The Glorious Exchange that He Promises us:

Ashes   >   Beauty (Isaiah 61.3)

Sorrow   >   Joy (Isaiah 61.3)

Despair   >   Praise (Isaiah 61.3)

Death   >   Life (John 5.24)

Sin   >   Holiness   (Isaiah 6.7)

Darkness   >   Light (Isaiah 9.2)

Weakness   >   Strength (2 Corin 12.10)

Barreness   >   Fruit (Isaiah 54.1)

Sickness   >   Health (Psalm 41.3)

Hell   >   Heaven (John 3.16)

Captive  >   Free (John 8.36)

Poor  >   Rich (2 Corin 8.9)

Anxiety   >   Peace (Isaiah 26.3)

Thirsty   >   Satisifed (Matt 5.6)

Parched   >   Spring (Psalm 107.35)

Lost   >   Found  (Luke 15.32)

Hopeless   >   Hope (Psalm 42.5)

Tears   >   Laughter (Psalm 126)

Filthy   >   Clean (Zechariah 3.4)

Wicked   >   Righteous (2 Corin 5.12)

Curse  >   Blessing (Deut 23.5)

Blind  >   Seeing (Matt 11.5)

Mute   >   Sing (Isaiah 35.6)

Lame   >   Leap (Isaiah 35.6)

Broken   >   Restored (Psalm 147.3)

Lies   >   Truth (John 8.32)

Mourning> Dancing (Psalm 30.11)

Judgement   >   Mercy (James 2.13)

Stone   >   Flesh (Ezekiel 36.26)

Shame   >   Honour (Isaiah 61.7)

 Pain   >   Healing (Rev 21.4)

 Fear   >   Safety (Psalm 78.53)

 Weary   >   Rest (Matt 11.28)

 Wanderer   >   Home (Isaiah 32.18)

 Night   >   Day (Rev 21.25)

 Old   >   New (Rev 21.5)

I spent Friday doing several doodles and compiling the above list of things that God promises to exchange for us. We bring Him one thing, He transforms it into the opposite. I'm sure there are loads more than just the ones here, but the more i reflect on them, the more i realise just how amazing His promises are - and how incredible He is to turn such a destructive mess into beauty. To be honest, i did it as an exercise to encourage myself and as an attempt to use my time more productively than i had been....