An eternal weight of glory..

I just read this, by Jon Bloom, on the Desiring God website. It's good, so i'm going to quote most of it:

"I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me. You have turned cruel to me (Job 30:20-21).

These words came out of the mouth of the man God considered the most blameless and upright on earth at the time (Job 1:8)..... Can you identify with Job? You cry out to God in your affliction and you see nothing change. It seems like he’s just standing there watching you writhe. It feels cruel.

But this is not, in fact, true. What is true is that God is doing far more in our affliction than we know.

For Job, he did not know that he was putting Satan to shame by trusting in God despite his desolate confusion. He did not know that his experience would encourage millions for millennia. And like Job, we do not know what mind-blowing designs God has in store for what may feel unbearable and appear cruel today.

But we do know this: God was answering Job when it seemed he wasn’t. And God was remembering David when David cried, “Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). And when Jesus cried, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46), God had turned his face away from our sin, only to raise his Son from the dead to undying, unsurpassed, and eternal glory.

Your suffering may be inscrutable today. But in reality it is preparing for you “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Take heart and hold on."

The sea..

A little video i made of the sea and sky near my house. The song is Farther Along, by Josh Garrels.

Father Along..

"So much more to life than we’ve been told

It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left to go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the son of god is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon"

- An extract of the lyrics to Farther Along by Josh Garrels. I totally love this song. And you can download his c.d. for free here.

two birds & the sky

Photo by Christine Jones

To the praise of His glorious grace

It's exactly two years since i took my last daily anti-convulsant drugs. I was taking over 20 pills a day, to no avail, as i was still having regular seizures. I felt God tell me to come off my medication and to trust Him with my health, so i did. The drug withdrawal was horrific.. it was so unbearable that aside from God's grace i have no idea how i got through it. My parents still say that they were the worst weeks of their life. As i recall it now, i am amazed and utterly grateful that God graciously got me through it; so amazed that i want to burst with joyful thankfulness.

The two years that followed turned out so different to how i originally hoped. I hoped my seizures would cease, and they did stop for a while, but then they came back, and i've had regular seizures since. Also, the effect of being on such strong sedative drugs and then coming off them left me with bad insomnia which lasted the whole 2 years. Suffice to say, the last few years haven't felt easy. I was weak and frail in the midst of it and i often struggled to know how to wait patiently for God. And I didn't always act in ways that honoured Him.

However, i have recently started sleeping again and have also had renewed levels of energy. And for the first time since stopping my medication i've started to feel the effect of not being sedated or sleep-deprived... and it's been incredible.. I am so grateful for this simple blessing of sleep and more energy.. i may not be like a 'normal' person yet... I am still having seizures & I'm not yet fully healed... but i am so overwhelmingly grateful just to have the gift of life... so grateful i could burst with joy.

I want to testify to God's goodness and sustaining grace. I am SO glad that He got me through these last 2 years... and all the years before. In His Sovereignty He chose to let me go through what felt like a fire. Rather than putting the fire out instantly, He walked through it with me. And for that, i am utterly grateful. It is the sweetest thing to have the King walk with you in the midst of a battle. I admit that sometimes i got so absorbed in the battle that i forgot He was holding my hand and fighting for me, but it is still a beautiful thing to remember and know that He was always with me.

I also want to say that i have realised that it is completely and totally true that the deepest and most satisfying joy we will ever find is in God alone - the sweetness of knowing Him is a thousand times sweeter than any other thing.. even good health, or a good job, or a nice spouse, or fancy future plans, or the approval of man, or earthly riches, or a list of your own achievements, or ANY other thing... whilst His gifts are great, it is still far SWEETER and far GREATER to know Him. I may not be healed yet, but i have a treasure that far surpasses this. I have Christ, and i am utterly grateful to be His. It is totally true that He is enough. May my life in this feeble, weak body be to the praise of His glorious grace... I praise Him for His glorious grace today.