...tea and cakes and naps...

I went to Market Harborough this week with my Dad, who was looking at a job (although he turned it down and we are staying in Worthing now), and i noticed real tenderness in the people who worked at the place he had his interview - they were all lovely and took good care of me. This one lady invited me back to her house for lunch, while my Dad had his interview, and then cos i was tired she made her daughters' bed up and let me have a nap in it. An hour later she woke me up with a cup of tea and a plate of cakes.. just like she was my own Mum. At the time it all just felt normal and i was completely at ease - she was just being kind to me and i was very touched. On reflection i found myself thinking 'did i really go to a complete strangers' house and just have a nap in her daughters' bed? - how bizarre!' But then that's what happens when you are with Christians i guess.. they are a part of my family and so it is just natural to act like they are your family... it's only when you look at it from a worldy stance that it seems strange! In reality it was an expression of tenderness, for which i am grateful.

perfume

"Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair." - John 12.3

In my prior post i commented on how the way Jesus died is the ultimate expression of love. To some it could appear insane, that God would come as man and be murdered as a sinner, for us. It's topsy-turvey for sure, but it was infact completely sane and wise and beautiful.

Today i was thinking about how the way we express our love for Jesus can also appear foolish to others, yet in reality it is no more foolish than Jesus' death. Mary poured out extremely expensive perfume on Jesus' feet, as an expression of her admiration and love. Foolish? Maybe, if you view money as your greatest treasure. But completely sane and tender and the only real thing you could do, if you view Jesus as your greatest treasure.

That's what it comes down to i guess... Who or what is your greatest treasure? And it should be Jesus, because He is the greatest. Yet by the world's standards to follow Jesus and regard Him as your greatest treasure could result in some 'seemingly' insane actions. Loving Jesus above all else means being prepared to give up all else for His sake.... to pour perfume on Him which is worth a years wages.... Am i prepared to do that? I'm sure i have a long way to go, despite my desire to treasure Him above all else, i daily notice little ways where i forget to act as if that's the case.

Even situational things don't really matter, when God is your greatest treasure. You could be homeless or housed, be sick or well, rich or poor, jobless or employed, rejected or popular, live or die... and the list goes on.... no-one can say which is the most 'Godly' option or which is even right... all these things should be counted as nothing for the sake of knowing God (Philippians 3.8) - when He is your greatest joy, the rest doesn't matter. Infact in Philippians Paul actually says he counts all things as RUBBISH, as LOSS, compared to "the surpassing GREATNESS of knowing Christ Jesus." It's because knowing Jesus is soooo extemely GREAT that he can count all else as rubbish. And rubbish is a strong word! That's not a notion very popular with what our society teaches, infact it would seem foolish or insane to many, but that's what the bible seems to teach. When i look at the life of Jesus and think how much He suffered and endured, it's by no means a glamorous or easy life... quite contray to the life style that even the church seems to promote sometimes. I pray God will always give me the grace to give up all else for His sake, natural desires can sometimes be strong, but He is still the greatest joy that can be found.

"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me..." - John 12: 25-26

"He is no fool who gives that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

"Whether God handles me tenderly or gives me over to torture, i love Him. He is my reward, the builder of the city i long for, the treasure beyond the riches of egypt, and the possession that surpasses all others and abides for ever." - John Piper

Finding the Way

This is a picture from a card i got which i really like. To give credit to the artist the image is by Alvin Kofi.

Silence.

"No one ever spoke like this man!" - John 7:46

and no man was silent like him:

"But He gave him no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed." - Matt 27: 14

I am constantly amazed by the way Jesus spoke. I have never met anyone who speaks like Him. There are many great speakers and even some martyrs who have stood for truth to the point of death. But still there is no one like Jesus, who's every word seems so fitting and so perfect, even if it is so unexpected at times. He speaks with love and compassion and mercy and wisdom; yet at the same time He is not afraid to speak a harsh and stern word when neccessary, not afraid to speak the whole truth even if it causes discomfort. His very words have the power to create life and heal and bring into being things that were not. That is incredible in itself.

But the thing that amazes me most, is His silence. He would not speak a word in His own defence, but instead entrusted Himself completely to His Father. When He was wrongly accused He didn't give a great argument in His own defence, explaining that He was in fact GOD and He was in fact PERFECT, but instead He remained silent. He was whipped and beaten and mocked and spat at and led to His death - like a sinner, hung on a cross - with sinners. And He didn't argue about it. How unheard of. Who else would let that happen? I get defensive at the tiniest thing if i think someone's wrongly judged me... yet Jesus went to His death in silence, allowing Himself to be perceived as a sinner, and simply trusting the Father to show people the truth. This never fails to amaze me. I have seriously been thinking about this for a few years now and still I am stunned by Jesus' meekness and humility demonstrated here. Perhaps i admire it so much, because i have discovered how truely hard it is to be like that, how hard it is to remain quiet rather than defend yourself!

I suppose another thing to bare in mind though, is that although Jesus was perfect, He was taking the weight of human sin on Himself at this point and therefore He couldn't really say a word in defense of human sin. And infact it is because Jesus remained silent, that I can now remain silent. His silence speaks in my defence. Because He bore all my sin and guilt, i never have to say a word to try and justify myself - whether i'm rightly or wrongly accused by man, cos i am already justified in God's eyes and that is all that matters. Now if there is ever an example of tenderness that is as abstract as insanity, then this is it! Except this is more than tenderness, this is pure love and mercy and justice in their most perfect forms. Amazing.

"Like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth." - Isaiah 53: 7

Jesus said "IT IS FINISHED" - John 19:30

from old men to prison cells, birds and butterflies...

I went to London this week and so many different things made me smile. Whilst i was walking to the station there was this sweet old chinese man. His face was aged and wrinkled, yet glowing with life and character and personality; and his smile oozed genuine tenderness. I really do love people. How anyone can believe in evolution i just don't know.

On the train there was a little baby opposite me and she stopped crying when i smiled at her - that never normally happens! Babies nearly always cry when i just go near them! What a pleasant change!

Out of the window of the train there was this really old brick building, with smashed windows with bars over them. It looked like a prison cell to be honest and made me think how sad it would be to be trapped in there on such a beautiful day. The window was only tiny, so barely any light could get in. It made me start to pray for people who in various ways are 'trapped in prisons' in their lifes. And then i looked again and saw a butterfly right by the window. At least it looked like a butterfly! It made me smile and feel thankful that even when you're trapped in a prison God can and does still send glimpses of beauty to you right where you are. I feel that's been the case with my life. Butterflies do symbolise new life too i think, so it also made me feel hopeful - hopeful for the time when the prison walls will fall down and hopeful for the beauty God brings out of once imprisoned lives.

A couple of days later i was looking at this little old book of 'sunday school lessons' in a second hand bookshop. It cost £100, so i wasn't gonna buy it! But i did have a chance to read one little lesson and it linked nicely to what i was thinking about prison cells. Apparently birds don't just sing automatically but they actually have to be taught to sing by their parents (i never actually knew that!) And in the book it gave a simple analogy about how sometimes when masters are teaching birds in a cage to sing they have to put a black sheet over the cage. This is so that the bird isn't distracted by anything else so they will just focus on listening out for their master's voice. This way the master can teach them to sing. And even if the darkness makes the bird a little afraid at first, it will just make them listen out for their master even more. The parable is kinda obvious, but basically in the same way God sometimes has to put us in darkness so that he can teach us something better. Teach us some more notes of His song - whether that is how to be patient, or how to pray, or how to be more understanding - whatever the case, God knows and will only allow the darkness for his set time and then we'll be able to sing the song we learnt in the darkness in the light as well. There we go! What a nice little children's lesson! I'm loving simplicity more and more these days.

On the same day i found a really great picture by a photographer Martha Cooper. I think it fits quite appropriately so have included it. Hopefully i'm not breaking any copyright laws!

A long time ago i also read this poem by Madame Guyon, who spent 10 years in a dungeon, far below the ground, lit only by candle light for mealtimes. It is an incredible poem considering she was locked in darkness for so long:

"A little bird I am,

Shut from the fields of air;

Yet in my cage I sit and sing,

To Him who placed me there;

Well pleased a prisoner to be,

Because, my God, it pleases Thee.

Nought have I else to do;

I sing the whole day long;

And He whom most I love to please,

Doth listen to my song;

He caught and bound my wandering wing,

But still He bends to hear me sing.

My cage confines me round:

Abroad I cannot fly;

But though my wing is closely bound,

My heart's at liberty.

My prison walls cannot control,

The flight, the freedom of the soul,

Ah; it is good to soar,

These bolts and bars above,

To Him whose purpose I adore,

Whose Providence I love;

And in Thy mighty will to find,

The joy, the freedom of the mind."

And you know what, although i do still have confused days, ultimately all i want to do is say AMEN to that. Obviously i have no idea what it is to be imprisoned like she was, but there has been a small degree to which i have felt imprisoned.... But despite that, my heart and my spirit are free..... and i can't thank God enough for that.

The rising of the Sun

I was thinking today about the sun. The sun is always there and always shines, whether we see it or not. Sometimes it's covered by clouds, or at night time the earth is facing the opposite direction so the sun is hidden from sight altogether and there is darkness for a while. But whatever the case, the sun never ceases to shine. Now this is quite a simple, obvious point, but it just reminded me again that God is always there, whether or not we see or feel Him. He never sleeps nor slumbers. Even when it's night for us, we can still be certain that the morning will come again; and God is more faithful than the rising sun. And when it's cloudy, we can be sure that at some point the clouds will break and the darkness will pass.

I remember distinctly 2 years ago when i stood upon a big rock on a hill that looked over Sheffield. It was a misty day and i'd only ever been there when it was sunny before. I felt my life was going to change massively and felt God tell me that when things got 'misty' just to remember that He was still there and to stand firm upon my Rock, Jesus. As it happens my life did change and things did get very 'misty', in more ways than anyone will ever know, but i know God is still there and is still shining. And i'm so very thankful for that.

"Perhaps it may seem as though everything you have seen here of the High places was just a dream, or the work of your imagination. But you have seen reality and the mist which seems to swallow it up is the illusion. Believe steadfastly in what you have seen. " - Hannah Hurnard

"...weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30.5

".... but for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. " - Malachi 4.2

Orchids

I have never really looked at orchids closely before, but i discovered today that they are extremely beautiful plants. I received a double orchid this morning. It arrived in the post, completely out of the blue. What a fine example of kindness that is - and i didn't even have to look for it or 'keep my eyes open' - it arrived right in front of me, in a very large box! It really cheered my day up for 2 reasons: Firstly, i was touched that they thought of me and were so kind. And secondly, because orchids are remarkable and it made me think again how amazing it is that I have a God who designed and created such a plant.

...if there is anything worthy of praise think about these things

"Tenderness can be just as abstract as insanity" - David Lynch.

I believe that there is tenderness and beauty and grace all around me if only i keep my eyes open to see it. Sometimes it is found in the most obscure places and is expressed in the most bizarre ways, but it is there none the less and deserves to be noticed. The purpose of this blog is to remind me to keep my eyes open. It won't be a blog specifically about my life or my complex thoughts. Infact it may well contain the thoughts of many other people and just my own simple observations of life. I doubt i will make it public; it is primarily a personal blog to practically help me outwork my desire to obey the following bible verse:

"... whatever is true, whatever is honourable,

whatever is just, whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,

if there is any excellence,

if there is anything worthy of praise,

think about these things."

Philippians 4.8