Nevada

I love this photo by Nevada weir. There is so much character in the lady's face. Life is an amazing thing. God is an incredibly inventive and creative and intelligent creator.

Knowing not what

We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. - 2 Chronicles 20:12

When bare is beautiful

I never knocked. I had a handful of excuses, but none of them were sufficient. The truth is i could have knocked on that battered door, but i didn't. The house round the corner from me has pulled at my heart every time i've passed it. It's garden was so overgrown it stood out like a sore thumb in the street. I've often wondered who lives there and as i pass it i feel a sadness overcome me. I've always imagined it belongs to an old man or lady, who sits there all alone. I don't know who really lives there, if anyone at all, but i've often thought i should knock and find out. Maybe try and sort their garden out for them. Maybe just see if they need any help. Maybe they might just want someone to sit with them. But i've never knocked. I've never helped them. I am ashamed of that. I'm ashamed of the countless times i've walked passed feeling that wave of sadness, a heaviness, a desire to reach out to them, yet never once did i let that turn into action, into real love. 

I walked past there again today to discover the garden was bare. All the tangled mess of plants had been routed up and the land looked new again. My heart actually skipped with relief, with joy. Someone cared. Or maybe it was just the owner. But to me that bare land was beautiful - it sung with hope. There seemed a possibility that something new could grow there now. I guess that's what it's often like with us. The old has to be broken down, rooted up, so that something new and good can grow there without being tangled up in our old mess. But it's not so much the land that really concerns me as the unknown story that is played out inside. The bungalows round here are full of older people. How many of them are alone? How many are just waiting? Waiting for someone to help them. For someone to care. For someone to love them. Maybe it's just my imagination, but somehow i'm sure it's true for at least some of them. They are yesterday's children, yesterday's heros, but today they are just forgotten treasures.      

Sao Paulo

"Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of Heaven." - Matt 19:14

Stencil art by French artist C215. Photos taken by Gregory Smith at the Hummingbird project in the favelas of Sao Paulo.

cheer my soul

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul." - Psalm 94:19

Jerusalem

Stencil art by C215. Photos taken in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv by Inspire.

I may tremble

"I may tremble on the Rock, but the Rock will not tremble under me."

(photo by Jake Dobkin)

121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; 

he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep your going out and coming in

from this time forth and forevermore.

- Psalm 121 - 

..who daily bears us up..

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." - Deut 33.27

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe." - Proverbs 18:10

"Because you are my help, i sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:7-8

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up" - Psalm 68:19

East of the City

I highly recommend the following blog, particularly for those with a heart of compassion for the young people of London - it covers sensitive issues and should only be read if you have a willingness for your heart to be broken - yet at the same time it offers a Godly and hopeful perspective to otherwise devastating situations. It is raw, honest and challenging - written from a heart that seems to be full of love: East of the City

For that cry is mercy

"Take us to the river, take us there in unity to sing, the song of your salvation, to win this generation for our King, the song of your forgiveness, for it is with grace that river flows, take us to the river in the city of our God.

Take us to your throne room, give us ears to hear the cry of heaven, for that cry is mercy, mercy to the fallen sons of men, mercy it has triumphed, triumphed over judgement by your blood, take us to the throne room in the city of our God.

Take us to the mountain, lift us in the shadow of your hand. Is this your mighty angel that stands astride the ocean and the land, for in his hands your mercy showers on a dry and barren place, take us to the mountain in the city of our God. "

(Robin Mark)

Contrasts

I am often struck with awe at the amazing diversity of life that God has created. The unique and fascinating people that cover this earth. Even in the midst of the mess we have made for ourselves, the rubbish around us which is only symbolic of the rubbish within us all... even in the midst of all that, there are glimmers of life, of purpose and hope, of softness and readiness to respond to God, of creativity and laughter. Glimmers of the grace God has sown.

I love these photos. The kids playing on the bike in front of an old building. And yes, it's an old crooked house with metal shutters on the front of it. But i like it. And who can tell what life goes on within it? 

The second photo is beautiful i think. I love the patterns. I love the contrasts - blue and white paint, black and white words. And the biggest contrast of all - the mother and child against such a wall. Love and tenderness juxtaposed where a muddle of words are scrawled. But it's real - a reflection of what are lives are like. Love came to us in the midst of our dirted world. A mother and child in a stable.......... that child as a man upon a cross. 

Tenderness so often seems to be pinned upon a bleak backdrop.

"Love suffers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13.7 

(photos by Jake Dobkin)

Soon....

"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; on either side of the river, the tree of life with it's twelve kinds of fruit, yielding it's fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." - Revelation 22

(Photo by Jake Dobkin)

A little update.

It's not that often that i use this blog as a place of update, so i thought i'd have a change. I've decided to try and and carry on with my degree this year, which means i will have my first lecture in a fortnight. I shouldn't really be due to return until February time, but because they have re-arranged the course since i was last there i have to do one module this term as well. It will just be one two hour lecture a week to begin with and then full-time next term. I'm still going to live at home and just commute in every week. Sheffield is about an hour and a half away on the train, so it's a reasonable distance, but i know i'm not ready to move yet. To be honest, the course only just let me return because i don't have any placements this term, and it's not guaranteed that i'll even be able to carry on when it gets to February because i have placements then and they want my seizures to be "abolished" in order for me to do them! But still, at least it's a little step forward even if nothing much comes of it.

In other news, i've started on another new anti-convulsant recently, so i'm presently taking three different ones... the newest one is having some negative side-effects so i'll probably have to come off that soon. My seizures have improved so much these days though and i haven't actually had any for a good number of weeks now. That in itself is amazing. I'm so grateful to everyone who's prayed for me over the last few years. Really i am.

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." - Psalm 20:7 

(photos of stencil graffiti taken in Sheffield)

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation.

God settles the solitary in a home; and leads out the prisoners to prosperity," - Psalm 68.5-6

(Photos by Gregory Smith who founded CARF, the Children at Risk Foundation which works to help the street children of Brazil.)

To Him who rides through the deserts

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name; 

lift up a song to Him who rides

 through the deserts;

His name is the Lord;

exult before Him!"

Psalm 68.4

.....to Him who rides through the deserts.....i love that expression, that truth... that He rides through the deserts... through the dry land, the places which are parched and hot and barren and so in need of a river to flow through them.... and it goes on to say that when He "marched through the wilderness... the heavens poured down rain" and brought restoration. Sing Praises to Him.

spoken or unspoken

"... I try to find something wise and hopeful to say to them, only little by little coming to understand that the most precious thing i have to give them is not whatever words i find to say, but simply whatever, spoken or unspoken, i have in me of Christ, which is also the most precious thing they have to give me."  - Frederick Buechner

the river

...He will keep me till the river rolls it's waters at my feet,

Then at last He'll bring me over, saved by grace and made complete.

Yes, I'll sing the wondrous story of the Christ who died for me,

Sing it with the saints in glory, gathered by the crystal sea...

- Robin Mark -

Good old Jubilee

I just discovered Jubilee's website via Deb's reawakened blog and realised they now have downloads of their talks available. So i've just enjoyed listening to part of a series on Hebrews 11, my favourite book of Hebrews. It was encouraging. Good old Jubilee hey... 

Not what i will?

"Faith laughs at impossibilities and cries it shall be done." - Hudson Taylor

"Nevertheless not what I will, but what you will." - Jesus, Mark 14.36

I have these two quotes on my bedroom mirror... the first is on paper and has been stuck up in my room for about 4 years. The second is scrawled across the glass in eyeliner and was added more recently. It is true that nothing is impossible with God and we can have faith that declares something will be done against the odds....... but Jesus also shows us the need to have a submissive heart that wants God's will above our own. There are some things that are out of our control. All we can do is submit to God's will and accept it.

Today i was thinking about that verse in a different way... i was thinking about how much i apply it to my every day life, at every moment... i feel like i say 'not what i will, but what you will'... but how much do i live by it? How finely tuned are my ears to hear God's will at each moment? Today i slept loads. I was tired, so half justified it in my head. But there were so many other things i could have been doing to help or bless others instead. Did i do His will today? or just my own? Mainly the later i think. And i'm afraid that's the case all too often. 

The pink balloon

I love this polaroid by Fernanda Montoro. The other pictures on her site are good too. I'm still liking polaroids too much, considering they are on the way out.

Needed Time

A number of years ago i went to a hip hop night with some friends in Sheffield. I will always remember it because it disturbed me so much. Saian Super Crew were playing and before one of their songs they declared that 'we are an army of people without a God' and then they got everyone to chant 'soldier' in response. Now i knew my friends' beliefs and that they were pretty anti-God, but i didn't expect to see such deep passion in them as they chanted 'soldier' and threw their arms in the air and leaped up and down in agreement with what was said. In fact, the whole room went crazy and were cheering and chanting that they were in an army without a God. Honestly, i thought i might be sick. It seems strange in a way, because i know a lot of people believe that anyway, i knew my friends did..... but to see how fervently they wanted to make it known, to see how they actually laughed at the thought of it, to hear the chant of 'soldier.. soldier... soldier...' physically hurt and haunted me for a long time after. It made me desperate to reach these people with the truth.

A few weeks ago i went to see Eric Bibb play in Coventry. He's a Blues singer and the venue was completely full. One of the songs he played is called 'Needed Time' and goes as follows:

"Right now is the needed time, now is the needed time, now is the needed time.. x2

I'm down on my bended knees, i'm on my knees, praying won't you come by, come by here x2

Singing right now is the needed time, oh right now is the needed time, now is the needed time..

Even if you don't stay long, oh my Jesus, if you don't stay long, I'm praying come by here, oh Jesus if you don't stay long, i'm praying won't you come by, come by here...

Singing right now is the needed time, i know you feel it's a needed time, right now is the needed time....."

 

This was the most spiritual song of all and it was the only one in which he asked people to join in part way through... and what surprised me was that everyone did, powerfully.... it wasn't a Christian event at all, but everyone was basically confessing their need for Jesus..... it was moving and i truely felt the presence of God there. Now i don't know how much the people meant it? or whether they were just singing along?.. but either way it was like the opposite of the hip hop night and gave me back some hope for people turning to God. Just moments before everyone joined in i had thought how amazing it would be if everyone in the room cried out to God like that... and then it happened... it actually happened....

But it also made me wonder how easily people are influenced by others.... in both cases did the people really mean what they were saying?... did the first crowd all really believe they had no God? and did the second crowd all really think it was a needed time and want Jesus to come to them? I don't know? I just don't know....

Kiss each other

"Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other." Psalm 85:9-10

Come sit with me

There were times when i was ill when i simply wanted someone to sit with me. I didn't have the energy to chat much, i didn't have the words to explain things on my heart, but i could manage silence and there was something comforting about the presence of someone there with me. Just sitting there. Or laying there. And there were times when that happened. Someone just sat with me. They demanded nothing, but gave everything. I am thankful for those times. For the gentle, understanding souls that had time for a girl as strange as me. For a girl who might fit and scream and  thrash out. For a girl who was surely embarrassment itself. To me it was the face of mercy.

When i was in hospital i watched those around me, who suffered far far greater than me. I watched the lady who had tried to take her own life. And it hurt to see her. Her husband and little son arrived and just sat with her. Her child chatted, unaware of what had gone on... and as only a child can at such a time, brought back a sense of joy and hope. And as i looked, i saw in her husband's face deep love, i saw a glimpse of the face of Jesus. 

I watched the man who would smear the contents of his catheter everywhere, he didn't even know what was going on. I watched as the nurse came and gently cleared the mess up, as she took care of him in such a humble way. And i saw for a moment, a heart like Jesus. 

... in places where i least expected it, He was there... working through the one just sitting there... the one just humbly serving and loving. 

meadows...

I have a little love of meadows....  there is a lovely one just round the corner from me, but we're not allowed in it..... it appears that only cows are. Last week we visited a country park with a large wild flower meadow which we were allowed to walk through...... i completely enjoyed myself! It was so beautiful and really relaxing to be there. This week i also noticed that my irises have started to open.... i surprised myself at just how excited i was to see them appearing! I only planted the bulbs, and didn't even do a good job of it... my Dad and the rain watered them, and God made them grow.... amazing when you stop and think about it. Amazing.