tenderness can be just as abstract as insanity

Papercut World

2012-02-06T22:16:00.002Z

Here's a couple more photos of the world map papercut i finished recently. It has a second layer, which isn't shown in these photos, but i don't want to post too many pictures today.

Saviour please, pilot me

2012-02-01T22:09:00.004Z

"I will arise and follow you over

Saviour please, pilot me

Over the waves and through every sorrow

Saviour please, pilot me

When I have no more strength left to follow

Fall on my knees, pilot me

May your sun rise and lead me on

Over the sea’s, Saviour pilot me "

- Song lyrics by Josh Garrels

Never.

2012-01-28T11:07:00.002Z

"Stick to that word "never." It is worth its weight in gold. Cling to it as a drowning man clings to a rope. Grasp it firmly, as a soldier attacked on all sides grasps his sword. God has said, and will stand to it, "I will never leave you!"

"Never!" Though your heart often faints, and you are sick of self, and your many failures and infirmities; even then the promise will not fail.

"Never!" Though the devil whispers, 'I shall have you at last! In little while, your faith will fail, and you will be mine!' Even then, God will keep his Word.

"Never!" Though waves of trouble go over your head, and all hope seems taken away. Even then the Word of God will stand."

- J. C. Ryle (via Desiring God)

...and the sun, it rose for me....

2012-01-22T14:05:00.011Z

The other morning, the sun rose for me.

I wouldn't normally say the sun rises just for me; i know my smallness, i am one of billions on this earth, and i'm quite sure that the sun runs it's course oblivious to my existence. It would rise whether or not i was alive; it's written into the very essence of it's nature. Either that, or as Chesterton says, it may be "that God says every morning, 'Do it again' to the sun; and every evening, 'Do it again' to the moon." It may be that every day there is the same joyful interaction between the two, and every day the sun rises in humble obedience to it's Creator's command.

So to say it rose for me, isn't strictly true. But it felt like it. The first colours of morning woke me from my sleep and seemed to pour strength into my bones. And i rose in a way that i normally couldn't; i rose with what seemed like the energy and eagerness of the sun itself. This was so rare that i decided to embrace it and i cycled down to the sea to watch the morning light fully appear. It was beautiful. So breath-taking that for a moment i wondered if the sun was aware it had a new witness and was showing off a little. Either way i was sure it was God's kindness to me and i felt very thankful.

The following day there was a heavy mist over that same sea; a mist that my heart absorbed. All the strength and beauty i had seen the day before was gone and i felt wrapped in a blanket of darkness. It made me remember how fickle and changeable us humans can be, how quickly we can let mists cloud our vision. Yet no matter what my emotions felt, there was sea and a sun behind that mist. And there is a God who is more steadfast and faithful than both the waves and the rising of the sun. No lying fog can ever remove that truth. And in Him, there is no change. He is constant. He's as faithful when the mist lurks as He is when the sun floods the sky with golden colours. And that faithfulness is worthy of praise.

It's worth remembering too that those golden colours are only ever there in the first place because of Him. All that is good comes from Him. If you hide the sun, all the beauty of the sea disappears; if you hide our God, all the beauty of His people fades. We are dependent on Him for all that is good. And i believe that despite the mists, He is eager to call us to arise, and He is eager to shower light on us... more eager than those morning colours were to wake me from my sleep... and if His face seems to be hidden for a season, His faithfulness still remains.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1.17

Waiting

2012-01-17T19:35:00.001Z

Paintings by Brett Amory. I like his style.

For one wild moment

2012-01-13T22:22:00.001Z

"...when we are very young children we do not need fairy tales: we only need tales. Mere life is interesting enough.... [nursery] tales say that apples were golden only to refresh the forgotten moment when we found that they were green. They make rivers run with wine only to make us remember, for one wild moment, that they run with water." - Chesterton

The valleys

2012-01-08T23:10:00.004Z

There are some encouraging verses in the Bible about valleys. Verses that testify to the truth that God is a God of the valleys, as well as the hills (1 Kings 20.23).

In Hosea 2.15 God promises to make the valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope. In Psalm 84 He promises that for those who trust Him, He will make the valley of Bacca (tears) a place of springs. And in Psalm 23 He promises that even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, there is no reason to fear, for He is with us.

I'm grateful for verses like these. They give valley-dwellers and valley-walkers hope. They remind us that God is with us, that He is in control, that He sees, that He turns situations around, and that He can bring good from even the most difficult times. And it's a beautiful thing to have such hope. Hope in itself seems to impart life and joy and peace. You see it in the face of a child as they eagerly wait for Christmas, you hear it in the song of the bird that begins singing before the first rays of morning, and even the lambs seem to skip with joy as Spring awakens a new lease of life on earth. Hope in itself is powerful. But my gratefulness extends beyond mere hope that there are such promises. I really have seen something of the truth of these in my own life, and for that, i am even more grateful. To experience something of what you hope for.... to catch a glimpse of it with your very own eyes, is truly incredible. I can testify to that.

But right now, I'm still walking through valleys. So, i'll joyfully remember what I've tasted of God's faithfulness in the past, I'll put my hope in what He promises for the future, and i'll stand firm on the certainty that He who promises will be faithful once more.

Biro Envelope Drawings

2012-01-07T22:21:00.003Z

I love these envelope drawings by Mark Powell. They are done completely with bic biros on the backs of old envelopes. Amazing.

World Map Papercut

2012-01-05T17:43:00.004Z

I've been doing a World map papercut over the last few months. I finally finished it, just before the new year. It's my biggest papercut yet and took a pretty long time - almost 30 hours of cutting and an awful lot longer to draw the design before i cut. I'll post some proper photos at some point, these two are just a tiny snippet.

Beside the manger

2011-12-15T21:01:00.003Z

Who will celebrate Christmas correctly? Whoever finally lays down all power, all honour, all reputation, all vanity, all arrogance, all individualism beside the manger. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Brick Lane

2011-12-15T20:54:00.002Z

I was in London at the weekend visiting my dear siblings and i noticed a bit of street art by Swoon. I've posted some of her work on here before, but never actually seen any in real life, so i was quite glad to notice a piece pasted up in Brick Lane. I like her style.

Grace

2011-12-08T11:32:00.000Z

‎"You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the play and the opera, and grace before the concert and pantomime, And grace before I open a book, And grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing, And grace before I dip my pen in the ink." G. K. Chesterton

Back to the start...

2011-12-07T23:25:00.004Z

To say that my life has been strange in recent years would be an understatement; it's been more than strange. And at times my mind has been like a maze of confusion which i have felt more than lost in. This has meant that i haven't written so regularly and when i have it's tended to be quite heavy. But i miss writing, and i especially miss writing about the kind of things i first set out to write about. It was my aim back in 2007 to use this as a place to help me practically outwork my desire to think about whatever is true and honourable and just and pure and lovely and gracious and excellent and worthy of praise (phil 4.8). And so i'm going to restart this blog, with my original aim in mind.

I love noticing tenderness and grace and beauty in the every day things.. and i love noticing it in the not-so-every-day things too... i also believe that sometimes tenderness can be seen in and through the most obscure and bizarre situations and i think such expressions of tenderness are worth noting and celebrating.

I'm pretty sure i have no readers any more, so i feel free to start writing without the worry of saying silly things. I'm doing this more as an exercise for myself anyway.. an exercise to keep me focussed on things outside myself, to remind me to lift up my head and keep my eyes open, and to re-train myself to speak about all i love, rather than all i fear. So, here we go....

Hungary

2011-11-18T21:16:00.001Z

Photos of Hungary by Tamas Dezso

Songs in the Night

2011-10-19T12:42:00.002+01:00

"God, my maker, who giveth songs in the night." - Job 35.10

"No man can make a song in the night of himself; he may attempt it, but he will find that a song in the night must be divinely inspired. Let all things go well, i can weave songs, fashioning them wherever i go out of the flowers that grow upon my path; but put me in a desert, where no green thing grows, and wherewith shall i frame a hymn of praise to God?.. Let but this voice be clear, and this body full of health, and i can sing God's praise: silence my tongue, lay me upon the bed of languishing, and how shall i then chant God's high praises, unless He Himself give me the song? No, it is not in man's power to sing when all is adverse, unless an alter-coal shall touch his lip... Since our maker gives songs in the night, let us wait upon Him for the music. O Thou chief musician, let us not remain songless because affliction is upon us, but tune Thou our lips to the melody of thanksgiving." - Spurgeon

The Well Song.

2011-10-13T18:27:00.005+01:00

Here's an extract from The Well Song by Chelsey Scott. It's a beautiful, albeit a little sad, song..

"Well i've walked and walked a thousand lengths, watched my precious strength go weak. Oh Lord, I can't walk here a single mile more. So i sat and sat in lazy pain, Let the plea go straight to my brain. Oh, Lord, I can't sit here a single moment more. 'Cause this well that i have dug, completely empty of love, no water does it hold to quench my thirst and soul. But Your cisterns in the ground... Oh, what a beautiful sound, they just flow and flow. How they meet my thirsty soul. Oh, Lord, why give this precious strength to fools? No, I don't thirst anymore."

Like Snow.

2011-09-15T19:04:00.002+01:00

"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." - Isaiah 1.18

Photos by Lisa Robinson

This world.

2011-08-29T17:17:00.002+01:00

Photographs by Joakim Eskildsen

There is a fountain

2011-07-31T13:44:00.002+01:00

"There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Emmanuel's veins; and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains. The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day; and there may i, though vile as he, wash all my sins away. Dear dying Lamb, thy precious blood shall never lose it's power, til all the ransomed Church of God be saved, to sin no more. E'er since, by faith, I saw the stream, thy flowing wounds supply, redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be til i die. Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I'll sing thy power to save, when this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave." - William Cowper

Broken Colour

2011-07-08T14:56:00.001+01:00

Photos by Palmer Davis

An eternal weight of glory..

2011-06-26T22:05:00.002+01:00

I just read this, by Jon Bloom, on the Desiring God website. It's good, so i'm going to quote most of it:

"I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me. You have turned cruel to me (Job 30:20-21).

These words came out of the mouth of the man God considered the most blameless and upright on earth at the time (Job 1:8)..... Can you identify with Job? You cry out to God in your affliction and you see nothing change. It seems like he’s just standing there watching you writhe. It feels cruel.

But this is not, in fact, true. What is true is that God is doing far more in our affliction than we know.

For Job, he did not know that he was putting Satan to shame by trusting in God despite his desolate confusion. He did not know that his experience would encourage millions for millennia. And like Job, we do not know what mind-blowing designs God has in store for what may feel unbearable and appear cruel today.

But we do know this: God was answering Job when it seemed he wasn’t. And God was remembering David when David cried, “Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). And when Jesus cried, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46), God had turned his face away from our sin, only to raise his Son from the dead to undying, unsurpassed, and eternal glory.

Your suffering may be inscrutable today. But in reality it is preparing for you “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Take heart and hold on."

The sea..

2011-06-26T18:45:00.001+01:00

A little video i made of the sea and sky near my house. The song is Farther Along, by Josh Garrels.

Father Along..

2011-06-15T17:12:00.003+01:00

"So much more to life than we’ve been told

It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left to go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the son of god is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon"

- An extract of the lyrics to Farther Along by Josh Garrels. I totally love this song. And you can download his c.d. for free here.

two birds & the sky

2011-06-09T22:08:00.002+01:00

Photo by Christine Jones

To the praise of His glorious grace

2011-06-05T18:43:00.000+01:00

It's exactly two years since i took my last daily anti-convulsant drugs. I was taking over 20 pills a day, to no avail, as i was still having regular seizures. I felt God tell me to come off my medication and to trust Him with my health, so i did. The drug withdrawal was horrific.. it was so unbearable that aside from God's grace i have no idea how i got through it. My parents still say that they were the worst weeks of their life. As i recall it now, i am amazed and utterly grateful that God graciously got me through it; so amazed that i want to burst with joyful thankfulness.

The two years that followed turned out so different to how i originally hoped. I hoped my seizures would cease, and they did stop for a while, but then they came back, and i've had regular seizures since. Also, the effect of being on such strong sedative drugs and then coming off them left me with bad insomnia which lasted the whole 2 years. Suffice to say, the last few years haven't felt easy. I was weak and frail in the midst of it and i often struggled to know how to wait patiently for God. And I didn't always act in ways that honoured Him.

However, i have recently started sleeping again and have also had renewed levels of energy. And for the first time since stopping my medication i've started to feel the effect of not being sedated or sleep-deprived... and it's been incredible.. I am so grateful for this simple blessing of sleep and more energy.. i may not be like a 'normal' person yet... I am still having seizures & I'm not yet fully healed... but i am so overwhelmingly grateful just to have the gift of life... so grateful i could burst with joy.

I want to testify to God's goodness and sustaining grace. I am SO glad that He got me through these last 2 years... and all the years before. In His Sovereignty He chose to let me go through what felt like a fire. Rather than putting the fire out instantly, He walked through it with me. And for that, i am utterly grateful. It is the sweetest thing to have the King walk with you in the midst of a battle. I admit that sometimes i got so absorbed in the battle that i forgot He was holding my hand and fighting for me, but it is still a beautiful thing to remember and know that He was always with me.

I also want to say that i have realised that it is completely and totally true that the deepest and most satisfying joy we will ever find is in God alone - the sweetness of knowing Him is a thousand times sweeter than any other thing.. even good health, or a good job, or a nice spouse, or fancy future plans, or the approval of man, or earthly riches, or a list of your own achievements, or ANY other thing... whilst His gifts are great, it is still far SWEETER and far GREATER to know Him. I may not be healed yet, but i have a treasure that far surpasses this. I have Christ, and i am utterly grateful to be His. It is totally true that He is enough. May my life in this feeble, weak body be to the praise of His glorious grace... I praise Him for His glorious grace today.

Kiss the Son

2011-05-22T19:28:00.004+01:00

"When you've been broken, broken to pieces. And your heart begins to faint 'cause you don't understand. And when there is nothing to rake from the ashes....... But i bow down and kiss the Son. Oh and i bow down and kiss the Son. Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth. Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth. Well, though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Well, though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord. Though you slay me, i will trust you, Lord." - Kevin Prosch

Who can speak?

2011-05-18T22:17:00.002+01:00

"Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?" - Lam 3.37-38

I'm so glad that it's actually God's words, and not ours, that make things happen.

Kobayashi

2011-05-13T22:54:00.004+01:00

I just came across the illustrations of Yoshinori Kobayashi. I really love the simplicity and style of her art work.

Could my tears..

2011-04-22T20:30:00.002+01:00

"God is not impressed if we are deeply moved over Jesus' torment. Unbelievers are moved to tears watching The Passion Of the Christ. "Could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone." He is impressed with whether or not we believe in the gospel Jesus preached. It is true that God the Son suffered more than we will ever know. And it is right to pray for softer hearts and a more profound grasp of what Jesus endured to save us. But as we survey the wondrous cross today, remember that in our worship God will not be looking for tears, he will be looking for trust." - Jon Bloom

Strength to Strength

2011-04-18T21:21:00.000+01:00

"Those with anxious spirits trouble themselves about the future. “Oh!” they say, “we seem to go from affliction to affliction.” Very true, O you of little faith; but don’t forget that you also go from strength to strength. You will never find a bundle of affliction that doesn’t have God’s sufficient grace at the very center." - Spurgeon

No sunset years

2011-04-04T14:16:00.003+01:00

There are no sunset years. "The path of the righteous is like the dawn; It shines brighter until the full day." (Pro. 4:18) - John Piper

I've been thinking about this quote today. It's pretty profound and worth pondering on. I like it very much.

Swoon

2011-03-31T15:39:00.002+01:00

Street art by Swoon. Photo by Atomic. I like the combination of cut paper and drawing.

A thousand different colours

2011-03-29T20:52:00.004+01:00

“People observe the colours of a day only at it's beginnings and ends, but to me it’s quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colours. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness.”

- From The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I haven't read this book, but i read the quote and like it.

North Iran

2011-03-27T23:14:00.000+01:00

by Icy & Sot

Waiting...

2011-03-20T15:49:00.005Z

"All the days of my struggle i will wait, until my change comes." - Job 14.14

Here is my truthful confession... Sometimes it's hard to wait. I was at Church this morning, and every bit of my soul was bursting with a longing to praise God... every bit of me wanted to dance and sing and be free in my expression of worship.... there was worship deep in my heart, seeking a release...... but my body is weak... my limbs were trembling.. my words were being blocked before they even escaped from my lips.. it was as much as i could do to get a few words out in the songs, let alone anything more...... and i knew i wasn't strong enough to dance.. if i did, i would almost certainly have collapsed and had a fit.

I don't want to endulge in self-pity.. i don't want to seem ungrateful, when i know that i'm blessed to have eyes that see, and ears that hear, and limbs that allow me to walk and draw... I am blessed.. everything i have is a gift.. the simple fact that i am alive is a gift.. and i am so grateful for that. But sometimes, i yearn to be fully free. I yearn to be able to express my worship to God. I yearn to be able to be strong enough to go and be amongst the people my heart bleeds for, and to serve and love others without being so limited by my feeble body.

And sometimes, like today, it feels hard. I would be lying if i pretended it didn't feel like a struggle.

"You are the living word, You are glorious and righteous, I shall be satisfied when i wake in Your likeness. I will wait for my change to come, til i wake more like the Son. I'm satisfied to be like You Lord. You're faithful, You are good. You abound in love and mercy. How awesome is Your name. You're the Christ, the hope of glory. You never tire nor faint, You strengthen those who wait, hoping in things unseen, I will trust in Your name." - Song lyrics by Christ Our Life

Being present

2011-03-12T12:44:00.002Z

"Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future; but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His." - H.E.Manning

Open eyes.

2011-03-10T23:18:00.001Z

"It's all a matter of keeping my eyes open, Beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will sense them. The least we can do is try to be there... So that creation need not play to an empty house." - Annie Dillard

Tear it out.

2011-03-06T19:26:00.002Z

"The role of the will in sanctification: How intentional must you be to tear out your eye? Totally. It's never spontaneous." - John Piper

Challenging, but true...

Chinese Totems

2011-03-03T22:15:00.004Z

Photos taken from the 'Totems' series by Alain Delmore. They portray Chinese men carrying vast loads across the city of Shanghai. I find them pretty fascinating.

All in a day's work

2011-03-02T22:01:00.008Z

"If i may touch but His clothes, I shall be whole." Mark 5.28

I've been marveling at Mark 5 this evening. It contains three incredible stories showing Jesus' power; power over the enemy, power over sickness, power over death. And it's all in a day's work:

Jesus frees a mad man from a legion of demons and restores His health and sanity. Then He heals a lady who's been sick for 12 years. I am in awe of her simple faith.. She had spent all she had on seeking a remedy, only to have gotten worse. Yet when she sees Jesus she says with complete and absolute certainty that if she just touches His clothes then she WILL be made well. She touches, with a trembling fearful hand. She's made whole. And then with humility she declares to everyone the full truth as to why she had touched Him. Straight afterwards, Jesus raises a child from the dead, with the power of His simple tender loving words: "Little girl, arise." She arises. She lives.

Honestly, this chapter blows my mind. This chapter points to the absolute beauty and power of Jesus - power over the enemy, power over sickness, power over time, power over death.. and beauty that invokes faith and love and humility in sinner's. This God-man is incredible.

Your hands.

2011-03-02T21:44:00.007Z

"Jesus, let me see Your hands. I wanna see the holes, where You felt Your Father's plans. Jesus, let me see Your feet. Never was a man's suffering so sweet.... Those who have ears, let 'em hear... those who have eyes, let 'em see.... There will be a day when the King will come, separate the weeds from the wheat.... Scoffer's scoff, skeptics smirk, don't you see a sinner's just like me... There will be a day when every knee will bow... So Jesus, let me see Your hands. I wanna see the holes, where You felt Your Father's plans. Jesus, let me see Your feet. Never was a man's suffering so sweet."

- Josh White

The Sun is Rising

2011-02-25T16:02:00.002Z

The little video that this photo is taken from is worth watching: The Sun is Rising

Trees - Men

2011-02-25T16:00:00.002Z

" “I see men, but they look like trees.” (Mark 8:24). Lord, leave me not with one lone touch. Keep touching till all is clear. " - John Piper

The cry of the needy

2011-02-23T16:28:00.002Z

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap." - Psalm 113.7

"You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed...." - Psalm 10.17-18

Photo & stencil graffiti by icy

The face of Jesus

2011-02-22T17:58:00.001Z

"'I see the face of Jesus in disguise,' said Mother Teresa about the dying beggars she would invite into her home in Calcutta - 'sometimes a most distressing disguise.' She, like Gandhi, understood that the direction of charity is not condescending, but rather ascending: in serving the weak and the poor, we are privileged to serve God himself." - P.Yancey

A crown of thorns.

2011-02-21T16:36:00.000Z

"It ill becomes you to make much of dress and show, when you are so soon to see the face that was crowned with thorns." - RMM via J.Piper

He opened not His mouth

2011-02-21T16:20:00.004Z

"Never man spake like Him (John 7.46) and never was man silent like Him." Spurgeon

I still can't comprehend how Jesus always spoke so beautifully. His every word is absolutely perfect. What blows my mind even more though, is His silence. I love this God-man. And I love His words. Out of everyone, He has a right to defend Himself, yet He doesn't... instead, His silence speaks in my defense, when I'm the guilty one.

Let me sail..

2011-02-17T19:41:00.014Z

Photo by Sarah V. Elston

I caught a glimpse of You today, as shards of light danced across the ocean, merging sun and sea into single sapphire dewdrops; it was a timely unison. A summer radiance overthrew yesterday's grey countenance, and every resident of that water-city seemed to sing with victory. For a moment, Your laughter was written into the face of the great deep.

When You withdraw, all pleasing colours fade from those waves, like blood that drains from a broken man's skin. They have no brightness of their own.. they are not whole... like a bride without her groom. With no metronome to tame it's song, the current writhes at the hands of fierce winds, like a restless troubled soul. It's breakers crash upon the rocks, unleashing heavy salty tunes.. and my own heart echos their cry, releasing heavy salty tears. We toss as one, the vast ocean and i... we utter sounds simultaneously, as we share our longing for Your rays again.

Yet today, as i gazed into the waters heart and You unveiled Your shimmering eyes, hope surged through the fragments of my soul. I heard a faint whisper of the voice that stills the waters; a faint promise that the day is not far off. And I burst with gratitude at Your faithfulness. But still my every fibre flows with yearning... I long to sail peaceful seas again, to let You calm my ocean. I wait in hope for Your voice that speaks to my depths and hushes mighty storms. I wait in hope for the gentle tide that draws me to You, my desired haven.

"He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." - Psalm 107.29-31

Old Brighton Pier

2011-02-10T15:32:00.001Z

I like these double exposures by Dan Mountford

Twenty Three

2011-02-09T21:47:00.003Z

"Arise Oh Lord

Lift up Your eyes

Don’t forget I’m helpless

Oh You lead me to waters and pastures so green

Oh You pour out Your oil and choose goodness and mercy for me

No I will not be in want

You’re with me

I will not fear

You comfort me

I will not fear.

Everything i've ever wanted, i find in You. I could run away and You will never leave. You will always stay, right by my side."

- Song Lyrics to Twenty Three by Aaron Strumpel -

>>

2011-02-04T14:51:00.001Z

Photos by Ibán Ramón.

He is good.

2011-01-16T16:36:00.005Z

"I will hope in Your name, for Your name is good." - Psalm 52. 9

"I will sing the Lord's praise for He has been good to me." - Psalm 13.6

So that we might cling to Him

2010-12-16T11:54:00.003Z

"Christ did not come into the world so that we might comprehend Him, but so that we might cling to Him, so that we might let Him simply pull us into the tremendous story of the resurrection. He came so that we might simply let Him tell us in total incomprehensibility: You are dead - and yet you have risen! You are in the dark - and yet you are in the light. You are afraid - and yet you can rejoice. These totally incompatible things are side by side only a hair's breadth apart. Just like the two worlds, our world and God's world, they are side by side only a hair breadth apart.....

Our visible life with its joys and successes, with it's worries and trouble and its painful disobedience stands holy and innocent and perfect for Jesus Christ's sake in that hidden world of God before the eyes of the Almighty, today and tomorrow and forever. And no tear flows in vain and no sigh goes unheard; no pain is disparaged and no jubilation is lost. The visible world brutally and heartlessly and violently marches over all of that. But out of grace and mercy and great love, God gathers up our burning, blazing life... Our true life is hidden - but it is solidly grounded in eternity." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Walk with me

2010-12-14T14:48:00.002Z

"I want Jesus to walk with me. I want Jesus to walk with me. All along my pilgrims journey, I want Jesus to walk with me. When i'm in trouble, walk with me. When i'm in trouble, walk with me. When my heart is almost breaking, I want Jesus to walk with me. Well in my trials, walk with me. In my trials, walk with me. When my head is bowed in sorrow, you know i want Jesus, i want Jesus, i want Jesus to walk with me." - Song lyrics by Eric Bibb

Forgotten Faces

2010-12-14T00:28:00.003Z

The above images are by a street artist called Michael Aaron. He's a Christian and i like the stuff he does and the reasons behind it.

His Name

2010-12-11T23:13:00.004Z

"All hail the Lamb, enthroned on high, His praise shall be our battle cry. He reigns victorious, forever glorious, His name is Jesus, He is the Lord." - Dave Bilbrough

I've been thinking recently about the significance of names - both our own names and the names of God. Psalm 9.10 says "those who know Your name put their trust in You." There is incredible trust & faith & hope & victory that arises simply out of knowing God in the light of His names. But more than that, i've been thinking about our own position in relation to this.

I noticed something remarkable recently. Rather than being labelled with our own name, the name that will be publicly on us, the name which others will see and will be written on our foreheads, is GOD'S name, not ours. Rev 22.4 says: "They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads." Or as the King James says "in their foreheads" - which suggests the name we dwell on, and is engraved right into us, is His. Rev 14.1 also says "on Mount Zion stood the Lamb and with Him 144,000, who had His name and His Father's name written on their foreheads." I honestly love this. I can't think of any other name that i would rather have written on me than the name of my God. It is a thousand times better than having my own name.

That's not to say we don't have our own names... we have names now - some with good meanings, some with bad meanings.... but ultimately God will give each of us a new name, that defines us much better than any name we're known by now. It says in Rev 2.17 "I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it." But what i love about this, is that it's private.

The name that is written on us, as a public statement of who we belong to, is God's. We are first and foremost known as His.. as His people, as His body.. as His. It's His name that matters not ours. It's who HE IS that matters, not us. I was packing this week, and labelled my boxes with my name... because they belonged to me, and that's all i wanted other people to know.. not all the details of what was in them, just who's they were. He is the One that matters.. and even the name on us will stand to point back to Him.. for His glory.. because it's all about Him.

But i guess, because He loves us, and because there is a depth of intimacy in the way He relates to us, He still gives us names too. He still has an affectionate way to refer to us. I'm happy to know He will give me a new name.. and i am happy that it's just between me and Him. I don't know why exactly though, but i just love the fact that it's HIS name that is written on me, not my own... but i love too that He still does rename me.

"No man can burn a label into flesh and make it stay, when heaven disagrees." - Calvin Miller

Overcoming

2010-12-11T23:10:00.000Z

"Revelation 12:11—"They overcame the devil by the blood of the lamb, for they loved not their lives even unto death"—what does that say? You overcome the devil by the gospel, by believing you are covered by the blood. You overcame by applying and teaching and preaching the blood of Christ, and then by being so sacrificially dedicated to people's lives that you are willing to die rather than run away from a situation. When that happens, when martyrs covered by the blood loving people happens, Satan is defeated. I don't think in order to be seriously engaged in spiritual warfare (where you are freeing people from the powers of the evil one), you have to do exorcisms week in and week out. You have to be a faithful, loving, humble, and repenting teacher—a lover of people. Satan is a liar and therefore he will not abide truth. He is a murderer, and therefore he will not abide love. So if you are a truth-giver and a deep, self-sacrificing lover, you will win." - John Piper, taken from this article

On the palms of His hands..

2010-11-26T14:04:00.002Z

"See, i have engraved you on the palms of my hands." - Isaiah 49.16

"I have graven thee." It does not say, "Thy name." The name is there, but that is not all: "I have graven thee." See the fulness of this! I have graven thy person, thine image, thy case, thy circumstances, thy sins, thy temptations, thy weaknesses, thy wants, thy works; I have graven thee, everything about thee, all that concerns thee; I have put thee altogether there. Wilt thou ever say again that thy God hath forsaken thee when He has graven thee upon His own palms?" - Spurgeon

The Lord of sea and sky

2010-11-23T21:46:00.003Z

"I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry; all who dwell in dark and sin my hand will save. I, who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright. Who will bear my light to them? Whom shall i send?

Here I am Lord. Is it I Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me; I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain, I have borne my people's pain; I have wept for love of them - they turn away. I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone; I will speak my word to them. Whom shall i send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me; I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame. I will set a feast for them - my hand will save. Finest bread I will provide till their hearts are satisfied; I will give my life to them. Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me; I will hold your people in my heart." - Daniel Schutte

My family has this song on a c.d. We used to listen to it when we were young and we always referred to this song as my little brother's song. I think it was his favourite one. But i like it as well. I like the lyrics. I like the hope that is portrayed in them; the promise that God hears His people's cry, that He will save those who are in the darkest places, that He feels their pain, that He notices the poorest and most feeble of all and that He will set a feast for them and satisfy them. I love it. And i think that the call to us, as His people, is a very real one. I want to always be in a place where i can say back 'here i am Lord'... but i guess as the last line of the song says, we can only say 'here i am', alongside 'if you lead me'... because we can't do any of this alone. We're not even meant to. We can only do it in and through Him and as and when He calls us.

Amazing grace...

2010-11-21T17:19:00.006Z

"AMAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOUND, THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME.."

-John Newton

I realised that i would normally be reluctant to post a photo of one of my paper-cuts, but today i decided not to care. It's not that i think it's great or want to show it off, it's more that i simply don't mind what it looks like - i am a wretch, whether i can cut paper well or not doesn't even matter - the point is that still, despite everything, God saved a wretch like me. Who or what i am, or what i can or can't do seems almost irrelevant right now - what matters most is the beauty of God's grace... grace that saves me even if i have absolutely nothing i can offer back..... what matters is God, not us.... and i want to declare how truly beautiful He is and how marvelous His grace is.

The glory of God

2010-11-21T17:00:00.000Z

"We are all starved for the glory of God, not self. No one goes to the Grand Canyon to increase self-esteem. Why do we go? Because there is greater healing for the soul in beholding splendor than there is in beholding self. Indeed, what could be more ludicrous in a vast and glorious universe like this than a human being, on the speck called earth, standing in front of a mirror trying to find significance in his own self-image? It is a great sadness that this is the gospel of the modern world." - John Piper, via Mercies New

The pure diet..

2010-11-16T17:50:00.000Z

When i was a child i was allergic to certain ingredients in food - mainly additives, e-numbers, colours, flavourings and monosodium glutamate. Basically food that was processed or had a lot of unnatural things added to it; it made me extremely hyperactive and aggressive and stopped me from sleeping. Quite simply, i had to be on a very natural, pure diet. Man-made foods with all their additives made me restless and sleepless.

Last week i went for 11 nights, with an average of only one hours sleep a night. It was awful and i felt like i was losing my mind. But somewhere in the midst of it i realised again how important our thought life is. I realised that in the same way that processed foods stopped me sleeping as a child, over-processing my thoughts stopped me sleeping now. As soon as i filled my mind with people's opinions, or my own ideas, and tried to over-analyse them, then i was restless and agitated and couldn't get any rest. My dear brother sat up with me nearly all night last Saturday and kept directing back to what the Bible said. And i discovered that feeding on pure food; the word of God, calmed me again. I've realised again how utterly essential it is to have a store of Biblical truth to fight with at all times and how important it is to just focus on the truth of what God says, when you can't understand anything else.

"I have esteemed the words of His mouth, more than my necessary food." - Job 23.12

"Blessed is the one.. who's delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is like a stream planted by streams of water, which yields it's fruit in season.." - Psalm 1

He is good.

2010-11-10T13:44:00.002Z

"You have been good - You will be good to me." - Brian Doerkson

And i guess He can be nothing else. For He Himself IS goodness.

Wrinkles of the City

2010-10-29T17:28:00.004+01:00

I did a post on the photographer JR once before, but i was just checking out his latest work again and came across his new series entitled 'Wrinkles of the City'. I like his work a lot. He makes giant size versions of his pictures then posts them around a city. The photos above were taking in Shanghai.

Exceedingly great and precious promises.

2010-10-27T17:21:00.005+01:00

"Exceeding great and precious promises." - 2 Peter 1.4

I love that sentence. It is so true. The promises of God are exceedingly great and precious. I just read something by Spurgeon related to this, and it encouraged me. He says:

"My eye must not so much be fixed upon the greatness of the mercy - that may stagger me; as upon the greatness of the promiser - that will cheer me. My soul, it is God, even thy God, God that cannot lie, who speaks to thee... He is a God unchangeable. He has not altered the things which have gone out of His mouth, nor called back one single consolatory sentence. Nor doth He lack any power; it is the God that made the heaves and the earth who has spoken thus. Nor can He fail in wisdom as to the time when He will bestow the favours, for He knoweth when it is best and when better to withhold. Therefore, seeing that it is the word of a God so true, so immutable, so powerful, so wise, I will and must believe the promise."

I've been thinking again about how nearly everything comes down to deeply and intimately knowing the character of God - I mean really knowing God. You can hear as much as you want about how to live life, or what God promises, but the thing which makes the difference in any of it, the thing which makes it sweet to obey, the thing which gives you confidence in believing His word, is actually deeply and intimately knowing God Himself. The thing which enables you to wait for His promises to be fulfilled.... and to keep waiting.... and to keep waiting..... is knowing Him; knowing He is true to His word, but also knowing that even if He slayed you, even if you had to wait forever, He is still enough for you now. He is enough. I don't always live like He is enough, but deep down, i know it is true.

"He is altogether lovely." - Song of Songs 5.16

Release

2010-10-13T13:02:00.006+01:00

My sister, Hannah, sent me an article she had written about the Chilean miners who have been trapped under ground for the last 2 months. She wrote it a few weeks ago, and today they are finally being rescued. It's moving to watch and i found my sister's article encouraging. Here is an extract:

'Images of this mining disaster remind me of a sermon by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, preached almost 70 years ago, called How a Prisoner Waits for His Release. In this message, Bonhoeffer used the analogy of miners trapped underground as a poignant image of our lives as humans, waiting for rescue and freedom:

“They are trapped deep in the earth, dark as night, cut off alone… here in the deepest depths of the lowest shaft, there is no hope. There remains only agony and waiting for death. And what if then, a light sound is heard, like a knocking, a hammer blow, a breaking of stone!… It is really about Advent that I am speaking. Those events are precisely what happens in the drawing near of God to humankind, the coming of deliverance, the arrival of Christ. ‘Stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.’”

For those who are sick, lonely, or in prison, for the broken-hearted and the homeless, the words come like a glimmer of torch light in the distance, or star light over a stable in Bethlehem…“Not long now! Lift up your head! Don’t worry, your rescuer isn’t far away!”

To all who are burdened and weary from the weight of guilt, suffocating in the darkness of shame and unable to find a way out, the call comes. “There is a knock at the door. Don’t you hear it? It will guide you through all your rubble, the stoniness of your heart. That doesn’t happen quickly, but it comes. Christ breaks his way through to you, to your heart.”'

Stand and wait

2010-10-13T02:34:00.003+01:00

"...God doth not need either man's work or his own gifts: who best bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. (...) They also serve who only stand and wait."
John Milton, On his Blindness

I read the above quote recently, via a friend of mine. I like it.

All my springs are in You.

2010-10-07T18:13:00.003+01:00

'Singers and dancers alike say, "All my springs are in You."' - Psalm 87

I like this verse. I reckon it applies to more than just singers and dancers too. At least i want it to. I want all my springs to be in Him. All that flows from me to come from Him. Whether it's flowing into a song, or a dance, or some other creative thing... or whether it's just the simple things i say or do; I want all my springs to be in Him.

Standing on the rock.

2010-09-29T19:25:00.010+01:00

I was talking to a friend today about how sometimes everything in life can seem misty and like you can't see the way ahead, but you have to remember that you are standing on the rock that is God. I was remembering a time in Sheffield, just before i was ill, when i went onto a hilltop which overlooked the city. It was really misty that day and you couldn't see anything much... there was a big rock which i went and stood on, and i felt God remind me that when things got misty in life just to remember i was standing on Him... and that the mist would pass. After i had this conversation today i came home and randomly came across this stream of photos by Randy P Martin. It encouraged me, because they basically illustrate the exact thing i was thinking about. I like the fact that the girl is standing on a rock in all of the photos, but not all of the photos are misty. In the last couple there is no mist and she is in a setting of flowing water. Anyway, i admit that i am quick to forget, as even this evening i was feeling a little disheartened and confused again, but i guess that's the exact reason why we need to remember that God is our rock at all times.

This town.

2010-09-27T17:35:00.008+01:00

Worthing seemed so weary and tired today. I sat on a bus and watched the people on it and the people that we passed as i looked through the window. And i couldn't help but cry. The old chinese man to my left, with his ankle-swingers and crooked glasses, kept rubbing his eyes and his head drooped wearily. The lady at the front, in her red fleece, ran her fingers through her hair whilst letting out gentle sighs... her eyes had dark bags underneath, and her face had sadness written into every line. The man next to her, i've seen countless times before, he muttered to himself, closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep. Every now and then he'd open then again and look at me with the most piercing gaze. He was old. He was tired.

And the man that made me cry the most, was the one i saw through the scratched window pane. He was standing by the war memorial, reading the names. He had his hat clutched against his chest, as a sign of respect and honour, and in that moment i felt something of his heart. I realised again what loss the war caused... and what grief old men live with, because of the after-effects. Even as i returned home on the bus, and passed the war memorial again, i cried. There was no-one outside this time, the man had gone, but the way he had held his hat, and his expression lingered in my mind.

What i was left with, was an overwhelming sense of a weary town. And what struck me even more was a fear that all our hype and all our fancy meetings won't reach these kind of people much. They need something real.. they need a depth of love.. they need people to sit with them, to listen to them, to walk with them, to care for them, to be Jesus to them. An old lady sitting all alone in her home won't be changed much by the hyped up atmosphere of a Church meeting.. don't get me wrong, i want to see the Holy Spirit at work in Church meetings, i want to see people joyfully expressing their love for Jesus.. i know that He is the only One who can offer people real hope and meet their needs. He is the only One who can save their souls and bring them peace and comfort enough to endure their loneliness and weariness. I know the difference it makes to experience the Holy Spirit and have Him as the strength you live through - i know we need this. We can't even love people without it coming from the love God gives us - we need to be filled with His spirit even for this.

I just worry sometimes that we might focus too much on experiences and long too much for manifestations of His spirit, and forget about the simple call He gives us to love one another, and the fruits of the Spirit.. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. I want to be filled with His Spirit more.. but not just so we have a good meeting, but so that i bare fruit and am truly empowered to go out and reach people.. so i'm empowered to love and care for them and be Jesus to them. I don't care about the experience for the sake of experience alone.

"If i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing." - 1 Cor 13

"He has told you, o man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" - Micah 6.8

God is here

2010-09-23T14:38:00.003+01:00

“Coming close, close enough to feel her pain, remember the words of another one suffering, God is here. Coming close, closer this time, if you wanna see Jesus look into her eyes; look into her eyes. God is here. See the city where she lives in this dirty place, see the beggars and the whores and the homeless faces, God is here. See the children who are sleeping and the woman who is drunk and the man with the sign that says he’s down on his luck. See the man with the sign give another his blanket; if you didn’t look close you wouldn’t think it, but God lives here. Come in close, closer this time; the miracle of laughter, the miracle of life, God is here. Here in the places we call hopeless, you call out your kingdom and you call it beautiful. Here out of the ashes you build cities of hope; cities of hope. He says “this is my home and these are my children, you wanna see me, you gotta see them”. God is here. He says “this is my home and these are my children, you wanna see me, you gotta see them.” - Song lyrics by Kate Hurley

I will wait

2010-09-19T21:05:00.003+01:00

"All the days of my struggle i will wait, until my change comes."

- Job 14:14

I don't remember ever having read this verse before, but i like it.

The thumb alone.

2010-09-10T21:57:00.002+01:00

' I have a bookcase filled with surgical textbooks that describe operations people have devised for the injured hand: different ways to rearrange the tendons, muscles and joints, ways to replace sections of bones and mechanical joints - thousands of surgical procedures. But i know of no procedure that succeeds in improving a normal hand.... After operating on thousands of hands, I must agree with Isaac Newton, "In the absence of any other proof, the thumb alone would convince me of God's existance." ' - Paul Brand

My soul clings to you..

2010-09-06T23:51:00.004+01:00

"O God, you are my God, earnestly i seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So i have looked upon you in the sanctury, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you..... My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips... My soul clings to you; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63

I was thinking about this Psalm recently and am amazed by how it progresses and how different the second half is from the first. I'm so glad that neither half sounds alone, but that they are right there together. David wrote it in the wilderness and isn't afraid to declare the state of his thirst and weariness... yet He still chooses to praise God because of the truth of who God is and the truth of His love... and He clings to the promises He has.. that His soul will be satisfied.. completely and utterly satisfied. I don't know if David felt that satisfaction then or not, I don't know if he uttered those words through parched lips.. the fact that he says afterwards that his soul clings to God, suggests that maybe he was still feeling weak and still feeling thirsty, but was making that choice to cling to God and hope in Him nonetheless. Either way, i'm glad that it's written how it is.. I'm glad all the Psalms are written how they are.. that they don't shy away from the pain and agony of life, but they face it and acknowledge it and then offer hope...

A weight of future glory...

2010-09-03T11:45:00.004+01:00

"God knows all this World's weight and burden and heaviness and if there were not a weight of future glory to counterpoise it, we should all sink into nothing." John Donne

"Our last day is our first day; our Saturday is our Sunday; our eve is our holy day; our sunsetting is our morning; the day of our death is the first day of our eternal life. The next day after that... comes that day that shall show me to myself. Here i never saw myself but in disguises; there, then, I shall see myself, but i shall see God too... Here i have one faculty enlightened, and another left in darkness; mine understanding sometimes cleared, my will at the same time perverted. There i shall be all light, no shadow upon me; my soul invested in the light of joy, and my body in the light of glory." - John Donne

"He began with prayers that the pain be removed; he ends with prayers that the pain be redeemed, that he be 'catechised by affliction'. Such redemption might take the form of miraculous cure - he still hoped so - but even if it did not, God could take a crude lump and through the refiner's fire of suffering make of it pure gold." - Philip Yancey on John Donne

Little Drifters...

2010-09-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

I decided to make a couple of little drifters while i was by the sea this weekend. I was inspired by the Little Drifters project i read about on this website. Admittedly mine only floated for about a second each, but i put that down to the fact that it was exceptionally windy.. i could barely stay standing, let alone these little 'boats'! Anyway, i can't say i put much effort into them, but thought i'd post the photos none-the-less. I did get some pretty strange looks from passer-bys!

20 years ago today.

2010-09-02T15:09:00.007+01:00

I got baptised 20 years ago today. When i was 7 years old. Some people might think that was too young, but i knew what i was doing and made the decision myself. I remember asking my Mum one night in the bathroom, and then i remember having to chat it through with my Church leader. He gave me an analogy to make sure i really understood what Jesus had done for me, and i cried my eyes out. My parents gave me a new Bible that day, and wrote this verse in the front of it:

"For I the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.' " - Isaiah 41:13

Quite an appropriate verse for me, seeing as i was always a little bit of an over-worrier as a child. Anyway, what i wanted to say was that God has been true to His word, and has faithfully helped me these last 20 years... and the 7 years before that too. I'm incredibly grateful for that, and am incredibly glad to be His.

On the Edge...

2010-08-27T12:15:00.008+01:00

I came across the photography of Yan Seiler a while back. I love the way he captures people and gives you glimpses into the life of so many different cultures... especially people groups who are more on the edge of society. I wanted to post nearly all his photos on here, but instead i recommend you check out his website. His shots are powerfully emotive and compassionate... particularly his series 'The Outsiders', which shows people suffering from leprosy in India, and his series documenting the lives of those living in garbage dumps in Cambodia.

Photos:

1. Nusa Lembongan, Indonesia 2.Ouighour Tea Shop, China 3. At the Edge - Gypsies in Romania. 4. Dreams - Immigration from West Africa, The Gambia 5. Shepherd in Uzbekistan 6. Shepherd in Uzbekistan.

His words..

2010-08-26T22:48:00.005+01:00

In Your words there is certainty. The only words in existance that come with a life-time guarantee. I'd like to live inside Your words.. like little caves, take refuge in them. Hide away in the curls of each letter, clinging on to each stroke. Your words abide forever. I'd like to set sail in them.. in Your boat; carved and knitted from Your thoughts, Your phrases, Your promises. I'm sure such a boat could never sink. It will carry me safely to Your shores. Your words are life, as YOU are The Word. So there is no better place to abide. Let me abide in Your words forever.

- I wrote the above in my diary a year ago, i just found it and it reminded me again of the truth that is found in God's word alone.... truth that is so much richer and provides so much more security than all the World's lies...

Stoop Sitting...

2010-08-26T22:23:00.001+01:00

Everyone Forever Now - "Stoop Sitting" from Everynone on Vimeo.

I like this little video a lot....

Hopeless??

2010-08-24T17:54:00.003+01:00

" Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing. There is no-one to plead your cause, no remedy for your sore, no healing for you. All your allies have forgotten you; they care nothing for you. I have struck you as an enemy would and punished you as would the cruel, because your guilt is so great and your sins are many. Why do you cry out over your wound, your pain that has no cure? Because of your great guilt and many sins I have done these things to you.......... 'But i will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord, 'because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no-one cares.' This is what the Lord says: "'I will restore..... and have compassion..... the city will be rebuild on her ruins... From them will come songs of thanksgiving.... I will bring them honour.... You will be my people and I will be your God.'" - Jeremiah 30.12-32

I have always thought this is an incredible passage. I read it again today. It strikes me as incredible because God says to Israel that their wounds are so bad that they are completely incurable.. there is absolutely no hope for them... no one who can restore them, no way for them to be healed... literally NONE.. everyone has given up on them, they have no allies left... NO-ONE cares for them anymore... basically, according to what God says, there's not a hope in the World for them.. they are afflicted, in pain, wounded and crying out and their state is beyond healing, beyond a cure.. Not only this, but it's actually caused by their own sin, it's not just a case where they are suffering because of the sin of others, or because we live in a fallen World and sometimes affliction happen to us.... but they are guilty, they are actually to blame for this. If there is an example of an utterly hopeless situation then this is it. YET despite ALL this, God then says the most amazing and incredible thing... right in the midst of declaring how incurable they are, how sinful they are, He suddenly says "BUT I WILL RESTORE YOU TO HEALTH AND HEAL YOUR WOUNDS." Just like that. Despite everything, God then declares that actually, there IS hope after all... that even though they have hit rock-bottom, even though there is no hope left in the World, even though they are black in their sin, even though they can do nothing to heal themselves, God will still come and restore them. And the reason He gives for coming to them and restoring and healing them is this: because they are outcasts, because no-one cares for them. It's not because they have thousands of people pleading on their behalf, it's not because they've suddenly sorted themselves out, it's not because they've found some worldly way to be better... it's not because they've done anything great, it's simply because they are nobodies.. they are outcasts.. they are sinners.. they are afflicted... and no-one cares for them. God is simply demonstrating the absolute depths of His mercy and compassion and love and choosing to come and save and heal and restore them, just because He loves them and because it pleases Him to do so.

This honestly gives me such a sense of hope. I was thinking yesterday about how weird prayer is.. i was thinking about how some people might have thousands of people praying for them, but others may have never had anyone pray for them at all.. and i was wondering if the way God acted towards them depended on this. To be honest, i was thinking it seemed a little unfair, that God may show favour to one person because they have had so many prayers offered up on their behalf, whereas someone else, who lives all alone with no support and no-one to pray for them, may be overlooked.. but this passage suggests otherwise... and i'm really glad about that... as much as i value prayer and think we are called to plead on each other's behalf, i'm still so glad that God doesn't ignore those that no-one cares for, that no-one pleads for. He still sees them. He still goes to them. He still chooses to heal them.. even if not a single person on earth sees or cares. And i'm glad that even if sickness or afflictions are caused by our own sin (and obviously that's not always the case), but even if they are.. then there is still hope.. and God still promises to heal and restore and declares that we are still HIS people and HE is still our God.

Skin Stories.....

2010-08-21T17:01:00.005+01:00

Skin Stories from Becky Fox on Vimeo.

LOVE

2010-08-20T23:52:00.004+01:00

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things." 1 Cor 13:4-7

I was thinking about the word love recently and how many different ways we can use it and how it has different meanings. Often people use the word love to describe things that they like; things that they appreciate or admire or see something good or beautiful in. Like we say that we love a piece of music, or love a sunset... what we mean is that there is something in that music and in the sunset that appeals to our senses, that makes a sense of appreciation rise up within us, that makes us feel a fondness towards that thing. We might not even know exactly why, but quite simply the other thing brings us some level of joy, which makes us love it. But i was thinking how this type of love very much depends upon some merit in the object that we love. One of the ways in which we love God is probably like this... we see something good and beautiful in Him and we love Him for it.. we love Him, because He first loved us... even the Bible says that... we appreciate Him.. we admire Him.. we want to praise Him... quite simply there is something altogether beautiful and love-able about Him that makes us love Him. And i think we often love people like this too.... often we might say to a friend that we love them, and we are basing it on things we see in them which we love... certain qualities and attributes, certain mannerisms... just things that we value about them. I don't think this is a bad thing... i think it's good to love people like this, it's good to see the best in them, it's good to appreciate things about them... and there are definitely so many things to love in every human being we come across, because every person is made in the image of God. So i think this is definitely part of what love means, but still i'm pretty sure it falls short of what the Bible often means by love. The problem with this type of love alone is that it's almost inactive - it doesn't require us to do anything, or give anything as such.. except that we give praise and we appreciate what we see in the other..... infact, rather than asking us to give, it almost demands something of the other person instead... it demands a love-able characteristic in them... It requires something good in the thing being loved.

However, i think there is a whole other depth to the meaning of love that is far beyond a simple appreciation of something or someone, and i think that this it the type of love that God is getting at when He asks us to love others. It's the way in which He loves us... He didn't originally love us because of good things He saw in us.. it wasn't that He just admired us... but He loved us while we were still sinners. He felt affection and tenderness towards us not because we deserved it, or merited it in the same way that a beautiful sunset might, but simply because He chose to. I can't get my head round this. All i know is that this is what He asks us to do for others too. He asks us to love even our enemies... It's not an inactive love, He's not simply asking us to admire them for certain things as such, but He's asking us to actively show them an attitude of love.. to be patient and kind towards them, rather than rude or resentful, to forgive them, to give to them when they are in need, to bear with them, support them, encourage them and help them. It's not demanding something of the other person... but it's demanding something of US. It's the love that asks us to give ourselves to others, to feed the hungry and visit the sick and care for widows and orphans, to clothe those who are naked, to share truth with those who live under lies.

The main difference i noticed between these two types of love, is that the first requires a positive thing in the person, whereas the second reaches out to fill a deficit. And the reason it can do that is because it is actually LOVE itself that contains everything good and beautiful, because love IS God and He is the only One who actually is perfectly good and beautiful and worthy of admiration and praise. He knows that He is the only source of anything good and if we do see those things in others, it comes from Him anyway.... so what He asks of us, is not to just admire things in others, but to love others in a way which lets His very self live in us and overflow from us and impart His goodness to them. What i'm getting at, is that in a way, the fewer characteristics that someone has that we think are love-able, the more they probably need love... because love itself has a redemptive and restorative effect... it bears fruit, it's the source of life and goodness... in our act of loving others we are letting God, who is love, flood into that person.. and He is the one who is the source of anything that we may later appreciate in them. I guess it's a little like land that is completely parched.. the more dry and cracked it is, the more it needs water... it would be stupid to say that the land had to be looking lush and green and overflowing with flowers and trees BEFORE we ever watered it... it needs the water to turn out like that.. and if it's just bare, with no flowers or trees that doesn't mean we withhold water, it means we give water even more.. because it is truly in need of it.

At the same time though, i'm not suggesting that love is devoid of affection or feeling.. even though this love is more active and doesn't require anything of the other person, i think we are still asked to love deeply and warmly and to feel true affection towards the person, not just do things out of duty. And the only way that is possible is to ask God for His love for others, and to let that be what abides in us. Our own love is feeble and half-hearted and nothing at all in comparison with His. My desire is to let Him live in me so fully, that His love and His heart for others naturally overflows from me.

Skin Stories....

2010-08-20T18:52:00.007+01:00

I had a few sleepless nights recently and spontaneously decided to doodle on my skin... maybe not the best way to spend a sleepless night, but never mind... i did several different doodles on different days and when you put them together they kind of tell a story.. at least a story that makes sense to me, even if no-one else would understand it. I was going to turn it into a stop-motion.. not cos i think it's good, i don't (they are doodles and the photos are bad and there are annoying shadows from the flash due to the fact that it was late at night...), but more cos i wasted the time doing it, so figured at least it would have some meaning for me... but i can't get the stop motion to work, so here are a few random photos from it instead!..

Light...

2010-08-07T23:24:00.001+01:00

"I believe that every particle of dust that dances in the sunbeam does not move an atom more or less that God wishes - that every particle of spray that dashes against the steamboat has its orbit, as well as the sun in the heavens" - Spurgeon

If you could paint with flower heads..

2010-08-07T22:53:00.007+01:00

The light today was so nice - i kinda wanted to use the flowers as a paintbrush and draw on the sky with them....

Shadows..

2010-08-07T22:25:00.001+01:00

"They shall return and dwell beneath my shadow; they shall flourish like the grain; they shall blossom like the vine.... It is I who answer and look after you. I am like an evergreen cypress; from me comes your fruit." - Hosea 14:7-8

The shadows of flowers...

2010-08-07T22:20:00.006+01:00

I loved the way the flowers cast shadows on my hand today... i could have sat there for hours and watched them dancing from the movement of the wind...

Masquerading signs and wild flowers....

2010-08-06T17:26:00.002+01:00

I had to go out to get some stamps today and on the way back i was tired, so decided to follow a footpath which i presumed would be a short-cut home. But i was wrong. Very wrong. I walked for ages and ended up coming out on a main-road about 5 times further away from my house than i had been to begin with! I think i laughed out-loud at this point. However, despite the tiredness, this footpath did take me on a nice walk... through fields of cows and down pretty paths which were laced with wild-flowers and blackberries. I broke the law and picked a few so i could put them in a little vase in my room.

One of the fields that i walked past had so many poppies in it... i love poppies and really wanted to be able to pick one, but there was a barbed wire fence so i couldn't go in.... so i whispered a little prayer instead, that maybe i could find a poppy by the side of the path.. and a few minutes later i did. It was a bruised and battered poppy, but i loved it and it made me smile, cos i figured God has put it there just for me.. and then i saw a couple more unbruised poppies, which i couldn't help but pick. I know maybe that was bad of me, but i decided that seeing as God has answered my childish simple prayer, then maybe He wouldn't mind if i picked it and brought it home to put on my window-sill and to remind me that He hears even our little whispers and bizarre requests! Anyway, there is absolutely no point whatsoever to this post... except i'm grateful that even on long-detour-routes there are things to make you smile on the way.

Sitting by the sea

2010-08-06T13:19:00.005+01:00

Yesterday, on my way home from seeing a good friend of mine, i stopped on the seafront and sat on the pebbles for a while. I didn't read much, or listen to music, or do anything at all, i just sat there. But it was nice. Really nice. I felt completely at peace and like it was good to just sit, and to just be. I watched these kids playing in the sea - personally i would have thought it was far too cold to be in the sea, and obviously the kids parents thought the same - they were huddled together under several layers... but the children themselves were running around completely free... half-naked, uninhibited and unconcerned by the wind or the temperature, or anything at all. There was another little boy who was standing on this rock. His parents were trying to change his nappy. He was obviously so excited to be by the sea that he was just standing there, twirling round and round in circles, whilst his Dad attempted to clean him up and change his pants and his Mum was trying to wipe his nose. It made me smile. The way he was so free, and so unaware of what his parents were doing for him. And i loved the way that his parents just let him twirl, and just let him be, even though they had to change his pants and wipe his nose and completely take care of him at that same moment. And i realised again how much joy children give and children have, even though they don't achieve great things, or try to prove anything - i mean they don't even take care of themselves, or know how to make themselves clean. They let other people do it for them. They are completely humble, they know how to receive. They know how to just be. You can learn a lot from kids.

2010-07-26T00:08:00.008+01:00

I love how similar these four photos are, in their simplicity and composition and style... yet how they clearly all tell different stories and create completely different atmospheres... Actually i have purposefully ordered them in a way which tells my own story, but i doubt that order will make sense to anyone but me...

Photos by: 1. Berta 2. Coquinete 3. Nicole Lynn 4. Coquinete

The greatest good.

2010-07-25T21:49:00.002+01:00

I was just looking through my blog at things i've previously quoted, and came across the following, which i feel like quoting again today:

"O Lord, if this were lost instead,

And all I had was you, I would

Be rich, and have the greatest Good." - John Piper

"This is the true bride, the one who says to Christ:

I do not want what is Thine, I want Thee, Thyself.

Thou art not more dear to me when i am doing well,

nor less dear when i am doing poorly." - Martin Luther

"He is indeed enough. He is not all we would ask for (if we are honest), but it is precisely when we do not have what we would ask for, and only then, that we can clearly perceive His all-sufficiency. It is when the sea is moonless, that the Lord has become my light." - Elisabeth Elliot

"Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:!0

Upside Down

2010-07-23T15:45:00.003+01:00

"What looks like failure, is success. What looks like poverty, is riches. When what is truth, looks more like a knife. It looks like you're killing me, but you're saving my life. All just because i see things upside down.... What looks like weakness, can do anything. What looks like foolishness, is understanding. When what is powerful, has not come to fight. It looks like you're going to war, but you lay down your life. What looks like torture, is a time to rejoice. What sounds like thunder, is a comforting voice. When what is beautiful, looks broken and crushed. And i say i don't know you, but you say it's finished." - Derek Webb

Do you see ?

2010-07-19T23:10:00.009+01:00

"Have you seen the old man in the closed down market, kicking up the papers with his wornout shoes, in his eyes you see no pride, hands held loosely by his side, yesterday's papers telling yesterday's news. Oh how can you tell me you're lonely and say for you that the sun doesn't shine? Oh let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of london, i'll show you something that'll make you change your mind. Have you seen the young girl who walks the streets of london? Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags, she's no time for talking, she keeps right on walking, carrying her home in 2 carrier bags. In the all-night cafe at a quarter past 11, same old man sitting there on his own, looking at the world over the rim of his tea-cup, each tea lasts an hour, then he wanders home alone. Now have you seen the old man outside the seamans mission, memory fading with the medel ribbons that he wears, in our winter city while the rain crys little pity, for one more forgotten hero, and a world that doesn't care. Oh how can you tell me you're lonely and say for you that the sun doesn't shine? Oh let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of london, i'll show you something to make you change your mind." - Ralph McTell

A classic song. I was just listening to it and thinking.... I was thinking that there are so many people in this world who are just like the people in this song.... who no-one really notices, who no-one really sees, who the world turns a blind eye to, cos it's easier than actually seeing and actually knowing and actually caring and actually loving them. And the thing is, i think there are two types of seeing. You can see with your eyes. Or you can see with your heart. We see all-sorts with our eyes every day, and barely even absorb it... but we see much less with our hearts. I want to see people through the eyes of my heart more.. or through the eyes of God's heart. And i don't just mean so i feel pity for them and cos i think i have something i can offer them.. but more because i realise at the end of the day we are all alike... in our loneliness, in our brokenness, in our sinfulness, in our need for others... the thing is, i need others and can learn from them, as much as they may need me and can learn from me... And more often than not, i think what people need is just someone to stand with them, to love them no matter what, to not judge them or give up on them, or write them off... so that in their loneliness they know that they are not alone after all. Maybe just the simplicity of loving, accepting relationships is of more value than a lot of wise words we may try to offer.

And i truly think that the most outcast social reject is as much made in the image of God and is as much able to teach me about God as some well-revered preacher. And the funny thing is, i often feel most aware of God's presence when i am chatting to someone who society would completely reject... it's almost like God so dwells with the downcast and the humble and the broken, the people who just are what they are, that actually if you want to find Him there is more chance of meeting Him in them, than there is in a Church meeting where people are striving to look holy and pleasing in the sight of others. I'm not judging Christians... don't get me wrong.. i love meeting with Christians and when i'm cut off from their company i feel like a piece of coal that's taken out of a fire and starts to go cold. But it's just that at the times in my life when i have felt most broken and most desperately in need of Jesus' presence, i have felt more inclined to find a homeless guy on the street to chat to, than i have felt inclined to go to a church meeting. I don't really understand why, i'm just being totally honest. I'm not judging the Church for this.. i am as much a part of what makes the Church what it is as anyone else.. so in judging them, i am also judging me. But i've just realised again the last few years, that when you reach a point of desperation, nothing but the real living presence of Jesus will suffice... and it's at those times that you notice how much cultivated religion there is in a Church, and how much you desperately just need that raw reality of Jesus.. the Jesus of the Bible, who sat with and ate with sinners more than law-keeping religious men... the Jesus who had no-where to lay his head, and who completely gave Himself, to the point of death, for others... the Jesus who says 'come to me, all you who are weary and i will give you rest'.. the Jesus who doesn't care about success, or money, or social-standing, or numbers but says 'blessed are the poor in spirit.. those who mourn.. the meek...those who hunger and thirst for righteousness"... and the God who delights to dwell with "him who is contrite and lowly in Spirit..."

I don't really know what the point of this post is. I guess i'm just grateful that God sees everything and notices everything.. that there is no-one who goes unseen before God, no-one who is completely alone, because God is completely aware of everything.. all our unseen struggles and all our unseen battles. Yet at the same time i want to be a part of a people who do see others, who do care.. and i want to be part of a people who are so real and raw that they truly are a vessel for the real and raw presence of Jesus. I feel such a massive awareness of the fact that there are so many people out there who's only hope is the real Jesus.. who aren't gonna tolerate man-made religion, or half-hearted attempts to show what Jesus is like.. who need nothing less than whole-hearted brotherly love... people who are so thirsty that if they don't drink straight from Jesus, they are literally going to die... like we can't be offering people a version of Jesus that is muddy with our own religious attempts, but we have to be offering the real Jesus..... like we have to be so real and broken ourselves that we just have Jesus living in us and people see Him, not our attempt to be 'like Him'...... and if i'm honest, i feel like there is a massive barrier between the white-middle-class-church and the average-thirsty-soul that i don't even know how it's going to be broken down.. even though i am in a Church and part of a Church, even i'm acutely aware of that barrier and even i feel like i don't fit there, so i don't really know what it would be like for some people..... i feel like the barrier has to be broken down though.. like there is an urgency for it to happen... like it's a matter of life or death....life and death for the people of God, as much as life and death for those who don't yet know Him.... like i'm so thirsty for the living real presence of Jesus amongst His people, and for His people to be completely absorbed and focussed on Him...

"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me..." - Matt 25:40

"'Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and i will give you rest,' He said. I could find no invitations towards success or superiority in the invitations of Jesus. Grace, like water, flows to the lowest parts." - Philip Yancey

With your bricked up doors and flowing springs...

2010-07-14T22:17:00.005+01:00

Call me strange, but i actually love these buildings, with their bricked up doors and crooked beams. I saw them in Sheffield today; it's a city full of such places.... and i must have taken at least a thousand pictures in my mind. It's also a city full of water and full of springs... a good combination i think. The old, the broken, the run-down remnants of what once was.. buildings that have stories etched into their bricks and mortar, that stand as a visual reminder of what's hidden in the lives of countless nameless faces scattered throughout the streets... brokenness, crookedness, bricked up hearts and tattered minds..... but merged in the midst of this are fountains of water, like hope that springs up, declaring that one day these stoney streets and stoney hearts will break and overflow with rich life again. At least this is my prayer. And this is my plea. I love those walls exactly as they are... in all their reality, with all their marks and crumbling ways... in the same way that i love the people in that city, with all their flaws and all their heartache and all their worn-out dreams.... yet i long for restoration, i long for newness, i long for their freedom... i love that city and the faces held within it.... and i long for that city too, with a longing that's not my own..

As i drank from the sky...

2010-07-13T11:42:00.008+01:00

The sky last night was incredible. I watched it as we drove north and let it wash over me and still my thoughts.... it was so vast that i felt like i could suddenly breathe again, like i was drinking air that unlocked my muscles and caused my lungs to move freely, unrestrained by any other force. I hadn't been aware that my lungs had felt encaged, until this point. In the same way that a city-dweller doesn't know how polluted the air they inhale is, until they stand by an ocean and absorb the fresh sea breeze. Or in the same way that you forget how much noise daily filters through your ears and fights for your attention, until you're presented with silence. Sometimes we don't even know how much we miss something, until we find it again. Even if what we miss is simply the absence of something: the absence of unwanted sound, the absence of pressure, the absence of ropes that bind.

But as i drank the sky, i experienced more than just the absence of restraints, it was like i was satisfied and deeply content. Like the expanse merged my senses into one - tasting of beauty and lightness that filled my heart with song. My insides had been given something, and not just momentarily freed from something. As i was wrapped in the sky which had no ends, i knew my smallness, i knew my nothingness, that i'm just a drop in the ocean.... yet it felt good to be so small, to be just a tiny part of something much bigger... it felt good to just be in awe of the One who is so big and is so vast. Like i existed just to drink from and glorify His vastness and His beauty and His greatness. I was looking at the sky, but in that sky i found again the One who formed it, and i realised again that our deepest joy comes as we simply admire Him.

Strangely, when i arrived home, i had severe chest pains all evening. I couldn't breathe well anymore, and felt sick, yet i still felt revived from the drive we'd taken through the expanse of beauty that was the sky, and i'm thankful for this.

Like a mighty river...

2010-07-11T23:05:00.003+01:00

"Let justice roll down like a mighty river, let righteousness flow on and on, 'til the desert becomes like the garden of Eden, where the nations will come and be healed, and the glory of God is revealed..." - Chris Christensen

Photos by Carf

Breathe Life

2010-07-11T14:01:00.002+01:00

"You turn my ashes into beauty, turn my sorrow into joy, breathe life, breathe life. You take these dry bones make them stand, put a promise in my hands, breathe life, breathe life. Before creation's time, majestically You reign, You patent Your design and all that You have made, Creator God, breathe life in us. We took eternal life and traded it for dust, Your perfect sacrifice has brought it back for us, You hold salvation in Your hands. The idols of this World will fade to shades of grey, when marked against the One who is the only Way, bright shining sun that lights my path. Wonderful, marvellous, You make all things new, i was dead, now i'm alive all because of You. So i will go and tell the World how great You are. 'Cos You turn a heart of stone, into a welling spring, breath life." - Andy Smith

Kissed a guilty world in love..

2010-07-05T11:09:00.001+01:00

"Here is love, vast as the ocean, Loving-kindness as the flood; When the Prince of Life my ransom, Shed for me His precious blood.... On the mount of crucifixion, Fountains opened deep and wide, Through the flood-gates of God's mercy, Flowed the vast and gracious tide; Grace and love like mighty rivers, Poured incessant from above, And heaven's peace and perfect justice kissed a guilty world in love." - trad.

Love

2010-07-03T00:32:00.002+01:00

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." - Ephesians 4.2

tenderness can be just as abstract as insanity

Papercut World

Saviour please, pilot me

Never.

...and the sun, it rose for me....

Waiting

For one wild moment

The valleys

Biro Envelope Drawings

World Map Papercut

Beside the manger

Brick Lane

Grace

Back to the start...

Hungary

Songs in the Night

The Well Song.

Like Snow.

This world.

There is a fountain

Broken Colour

An eternal weight of glory..

The sea..

Father Along..

two birds & the sky

To the praise of His glorious grace

Kiss the Son

Who can speak?

Kobayashi

Could my tears..

Strength to Strength

No sunset years

Swoon

A thousand different colours

North Iran

Waiting...

Being present

Open eyes.

Tear it out.

Chinese Totems

All in a day's work

Your hands.

The Sun is Rising

Trees - Men

The cry of the needy

The face of Jesus

A crown of thorns.

He opened not His mouth

Let me sail..

Old Brighton Pier

Twenty Three

>>

He is good.

So that we might cling to Him

Walk with me

Forgotten Faces

His Name

Overcoming

On the palms of His hands..

The Lord of sea and sky

Amazing grace...

The glory of God

The pure diet..

He is good.

Wrinkles of the City

Exceedingly great and precious promises.

Release

Stand and wait

"...God doth not need either man's work or his own gifts: who best bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. (...) They also serve who only stand and wait."John Milton, On his BlindnessI read the above quote recently, via a friend of mine. I like it.

All my springs are in You.

Standing on the rock.

This town.

God is here

I will wait

The thumb alone.

My soul clings to you..

A weight of future glory...

Little Drifters...

20 years ago today.

On the Edge...

"...God doth not need either man's work or his own gifts: who best bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. (...) They also serve who only stand and wait."
John Milton, On his Blindness

I read the above quote recently, via a friend of mine. I like it.